If your relationship has ended, you might be nervous about dipping your feet in the dating pool. Or you might worry that you’ll never find love again. Maybe you’ve even assumed that you’re just unlucky when it comes to love.
Relationship and family therapist Terri Orbuch, Ph.D, often hears people say they’ve lost hope. But she wants individuals to know that it’s absolutely possible to find a fulfilling partnership. For instance, in her 25-year study of 373 married couples, Orbuch found that 71 percent of divorced singles found love again.
Also, love has very little to do with luck. In fact, “there is a method to the love madness,” said Orbuch, who’s also author of the recently published book Finding Love Again: 6 Simple Steps to a New and Happy Relationship.
She believes in working from the inside out. Before pursuing a new relationship, Orbuch stresses the importance of working on your own beliefs, emotions, behaviors and sense of self. She helps readers do just that in Finding Love Again, along with offering tips on everything from first dates to building a strong relationship.
Below, Orbuch discussed her six steps for seeking and finding a great relationship.
Before posting, please read our blog moderation guidelines. The comments below begin with the oldest comments first. Click on the last comments page to jump to the most recent comments.
Before posting, please read our blog moderation guidelines.
Post a Comment:
Copyright © 1995-2013 Psych Central. All rights reserved.
Site last updated: 18 May 2013
|
Hard to start dating when your social opportunities are limited (friends can’t/won’t set you up, you don’t work, you’re an older female, your social activities, like church or interest clubs, don’t include age-appropriate single people, online dating creeps you out, etc.). Lucky for me I also enjoy my own company.
Persistent, you are so right.
This article really shows how completely out of touch most counselors/psychotherapists are regarding the sense of hopelessness that singles feel when it comes to finding a happy relationship.
Just finding a date in the first place is the daunting task!
Look how this article trivializes that task! Simply, “3. Shake up your routine” and you’ll find a date. Really? I found it to be not so easy.
It is easy to sit alone in ones life and adjust your perception, to 1. Adjust your expectations.
2. Start with a clean slate. and 4. Discover the real you. Really, you can psych yourself up and make really positive changes. But…
When you go out and find that all the people sitting at the bar are on dates & your alone… That all the people in the book club you signed up for are 15 years younger than you… That your co-workers are married and too busy with their kids to introduce you to their eligible cousin…
The harsh reality of the failed attempts wears on you after a while. Yes, you can enjoy the bar drink, enjoy the book, have lunch with the co-worker; you’ll seem better for it. But at the end of it, your still single and alone when you go home at night. You just can’t seem to find a person to share the new you with. Not that you are pushing people away… You just “literally” can’t find a warm body to start with!!
No Pollyanna psychotherapist will admit the emotional turmoil this causes. They can only respond “keep trying.” But… they are clueless. They do not know how to help people learn to cope with the challenges most single people over the age of 35 face. Social opportunities for finding dates become very rare for them. Then, gets harder and harder. Psychotherapists only know how to help the younger people, when social networking is easier and more abundant when “keep trying” is easy.
Then when you do “finally” get a date and it fails to lead anywhere, the devastation is greater.
Maybe the book “Finding Love Again: 6 Simple Steps to a New and Happy Relationship.” has some tips for this aspect of the problem. But I’m not going to waste another $15 on a “Red Herring.”
Good luck to you! I commend your persistence. Take care.
Most people, esp men(in my opinion) thinks or decides themself never to fall in love again, which isn’t good. They shall indeed realize a breakup doesn’t mean they never ever love again!
I wish I could seperate myself from past relationships a little bit faster. It seems that I might be one of the few people that fall in love and stay in love for a long long time. 4 years after my divorce, I find that I still love my sons mother. In fact, even the women I had dated for the last 2 years and fell in love with, then we seperated 4 months ago, I still love her aswell. Now I love two women who have both moved on and are dating other men. I feel like I am a fool for wanting to try it again, knowing that this will be the third time I fall in love, lose them, and must watch as they move on while I still love them.
The real question is, how do I stop loving these women???????? I need to so badly