This guest article from YourTango was written by Doris Helge, Ph.D., MCC.
Remember the day you gazed into the eyes of your prospective partner and truly grasped that their excitement about you matched your fascination with them? You saw your idealized self reflected back to you in their soft smiling eyes. You were hooked like a fish attracted to a shiny new lure that caters to its most vulnerable characteristics.
Like the fish traveling nonstop to a baited hook, you ignored multiple warning signs. You were lured to your destiny in spite of personality differences, minor irritations and questions from friends and family. Flaming red flags were buried under a rapid current of hormone-fed infatuation. Trust and lust controlled your left brain’s attempts to analyze and judge. Scorning due diligence, you lunged toward instant gratification with a voracious hunger and haste.
During the first part of your commitment to your new partner, you said goodbye to old longings and loneliness as you embraced new beginnings. When conflicts emerged, you eagerly re-embraced bliss… or at least contentment. Disagreements were labeled “small stuff.” Disruptive patterns were disregarded.
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What a wonderful post. It is so common in our society to just end our relationships when they don’t work exactly as we wish. I enjoyed the part about how we often reengage in behavior with a different partner and it’s more rewarding to try and retrace back to the start of the relationship.
I think we all too often have a Disney version of what “love” is and don’t understand that it always takes work and effort, no matter how in love a couple is!