A red flag that your relationship is headed in the wrong direction is when you’re wondering why you’re in it in the first place, according to Daniela Roher, Ph.D, a psychoanalytic psychotherapist who works with couples in Arizona.

Couples often see red (flags, that is) whenever they’re unable to connect to positive feelings about each other and feel negative feelings, such as fear, anger, disappointment or resentment, she said. Other red flags include feeling unappreciated, unheard or under-valued.

“All relationships go through crossroads, often more than once,” especially if partners have been together for a long time, said Roher, who’s also co-author of Couples at the Crossroads: Five Steps to Finding Your Way Back to Love.

If you feel like your relationship is in limbo, instead of dwelling on how you got here – because everyone gets here – ask how you can get out of this spot and fix your relationship.

While Roher acknowledges that being at a crossroads is painful, she believes that if couples are willing to work, it also presents an opportunity to bond on a much deeper level. “We grow more by going through challenging times and learning [from] them,” she said.

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