Finding the right therapist is difficult. In the last 12 years, I’ve been through half a dozen of them. I have no doubt that most of these therapists would blame me for these high turnover rates. They would say I have some sort of inability to communicate my needs or that I’m not ready to move forward.
I say that it’s simply really, really hard to find the correct fit and that the wrong fit can bring me frustration I don’t need. I would rather have no therapist than one who continually frustrates me.
A few weeks ago, I told a therapist I had gone to a handful of times that I did not want to continue seeing her. We’ll call her “Lynn.” Lynn was perfectly nice and was a good listener, but that was sort of the problem.
All she did was listen and say things like, “well, what did that feel like?” and “what would that look like to you?” Lynn was also one of those therapists who immediately wanted to delve into my family and my childhood. This approach was not at all what I was looking for. I wanted someone who would address my current situations and make suggestions.
Before posting, please read our blog moderation guidelines. The comments below begin with the oldest comments first. Click on the last comments page to jump to the most recent comments.
Before posting, please read our blog moderation guidelines.
Post a Comment:
Copyright © 1995-2013 Psych Central. All rights reserved.
Site last updated: 19 Jun 2013
|
This was an interesting read, and good for those who are seeking a therapist. But I also find that the piece downplays the need for a *relationship* between therapist and client. To think that one can do honest, deep work without talking about where one’s psychological underpinnings lie (i.e. familial history, past traumas, etc.) is to leave out a critical piece of the process. I don’t see how, for instance, I can go into a therapeutic sitation and work on the “present” in isolation, as if my whole entire being was born today. the past INFORMS the present, like it or not. In my experience, therapy that results in productive outcomes is born from a relationship between client/therapist that is trustworthy and comprehensive, i.e. there are no questions that are “off limits.” Yes, there are different approaches, and certainly behavioral modification can suggest an approach that’s less about finding one’s “source of pain” than about changing a specific negative behavior, but if, in the course of such an approach, a therapist needs to employ other means of analysis, it is not up to the client to say “nah, not interested in THAT.” Heck, even in every day conversation, if someone insists on NOT talking about something (because it is deemed “unimportant”) then my interest is piqued. Why go to such lengths to avoid the topic? thou doth protest too much.
I agree with both MSH and Michael. Valid points. And eventually- years down the road – the author may find that this style of therapy is necessary. But until then, CBT can be very helpful for the “now” moment.
As my daughter always says – “Whatever floats your boat.”
To each his own, we all have to find our own path, but experience has shown me that the relationship therapy works very well.
Best of luck in whatever you chose.
I get that in any relationship there needs to be a connection-a fit. If a therapist makes a patient uncomfortable that certainly would be cause to seek out a new therapist until a proper match is found. This letter sounds more like the patient asserting control over the type of help their receiving rather than simply keeping an open mind and going with the flow. That is to say, that this person would rather complain about the color of the life raft rather than simply taking it, or rather a cancer patient choosing which portion of his or her treatments would be most effective. Going through half a dozen or so therapists should tell you something.
Sounds like the client made a great choice. I commend her on taking the time to find someone who can help her using an evidence-based approach that focuses on what she wants to get out of therapy, rather than a pychodynamic therapist trying to impose an outdated model on her that is not effective for what she needs. The comment “Why go to such lengths to avoid the topic? thou doth protest too much” is so indicative of what is wrong with psychodynamic therapy. Why would anyone want to see a therapist who:
a) takes years to get results;
b) decides what the focus of therapy needs to be
c) focuses on things that are irrelevant to the client.
The sooner we can get rid of the scourge of psychoanalysis, the better off clients will be.
Criticizing someone because they visited six therapists before settling on the one with whom they had a good fit makes about as much sense as criticizing someone who test drives six cars before deciding which one to purchase. Therapists are not like gas stations, where what’s being sold is roughly equivalent from station to station.
Congrats to Tracy on finding what works for her. One size does NOT fit all. Thank God. We ought to be slow to judge others on the basis of what has been efficacious for us.
A good therapist is really hard to find. I have seen a couple myself and now being in a psychology class have learned what a “good” psychotherapist should be.
A good therapist is someone that is genuinely committed to their client’s welfare. Someone that has a caring attitude and has the ability to listen empathetically. They should be warm, sensitive, sincere, and responsive (a therapist that doesn’t just ask “how does that make you feel”).
Personally, I need a therapist who understands that I don’t want their sympathy, but rather for them to “understand” me and truly help me cope with my issues.
A good therapist is able to do this and give you the tools to succeed on your own!
I was able to find one and I hope everyone else can too!!