If your loved one is struggling with depression, you may feel confused, frustrated and distraught yourself. Maybe you feel like you’re walking on eggshells because you’re afraid of upsetting them even more. Maybe you’re at such a loss that you’ve adopted the silent approach. Or maybe you keep giving your loved one advice, which they just aren’t taking.
Depression is an insidious, isolating disorder, which can sabotage relationships. And this can make not knowing how to help all the more confusing.
But your support is significant. And you can learn the various ways to best support your loved one. Below, Deborah Serani, PsyD, a psychologist who’s struggled with depression herself, shares nine valuable strategies.
Before posting, please read our blog moderation guidelines. The comments below begin with the oldest comments first. Click on the last comments page to jump to the most recent comments.
Before posting, please read our blog moderation guidelines.
Post a Comment:
Copyright © 1995-2013 Psych Central. All rights reserved.
Site last updated: 23 May 2013
|
I was diagnosed with depression in 1995. I was put on medication which seemed to help. In 1999 I went for therapy. In 2001 I attempted suicide by overdosing on one of my meds. After more therapy and a “cocktail” of several meds I finally got better. Just last week I was feeling lonely and depressed. I told my husband of my being depressed again and that I wanted a hug and some support. He replied, “Get over it. Deal with it” He then proceeded to give me the silent treatment. Our relationship is straind….he won’t talk about it. I feel like leaving him. All this just for wanting a hug. Thanks for listening, I’m not in therapy anymore but I think I need to find someone to talk to. Has anyone else experienced rejection?
Maria, I’ve found that if you can find SOMEONE to talk to when it gets like that, it helps. I have been treated for depression in the past. It was pretty severe. I’m not on meds now or in therapy, but have good friends who listen, and I hear them when they need me. I’m currently having issues with a relative living with me. She is depressed, too. She is at the worse end of the spectrum, too. Nothing we’ve tried for over 30 years has worked. She isn’t even trying to manage her life. At least you are reaching out. Reach to a good friend and go from there. Helped me a lot. I wasn’t married at the time, that’s why I say friend. Besides, women tend to be more sensitive. I hope I helped you some. Good luck!
Maria. Sad to know u have depression but i think u need to think that there are zillions of people out there who have tons of problems and they still live. life may seem unworthy, but we must live and move on to find ways to overcome difficulty. ending your life does nothing but just causing more pain for the ones who are alive. take a deep breath relax and stay positive. we all live here for a reason and we can just go and everything will go with us.
It is best to just realize others do not know exactly how you feel because they cannot seem to get the feel of how you feel. It is extremely difficult in marriages and in just a relationship. No one should say terrible things but they do because they do not revise their words to acknowledge how you feel. Just remember that a good person will not say harmful or hurtful things. Ones who do not will never know depression in the same way as you do. I grew up since 13 when I saw severe signs of depression and had no supports but my teachers. Now almost 32 it’s still a difficult road.
What if depressed individual is making absolutely no effort on their part and it’s gone on and on for years and years? This individual cannot function anywhere but her job. She expects rides to work, will not make any effort to learn to drive and she’s 43, won’t help around the house, stays in her room to avoid learning to drive. I am someone who has been extremely depressed before. I think I’m ok now, but am suffer with several major illnesses and am unable to take care of her stuff and mine too. When do I stop? Nothings working, nothing has for years. She lives with me. Has made a major attempt at suicide. It was ugly and my 17 yr old daughter is who found her. My daughter has some issues of her own and didn’t need this. No one wanted her to come back here, but i let her anyway. There is no improvement and it is causing tremendous strain on my marriage and my daughters peace of mind. When do I say, hey, enough is enough, get out, for the sake of me, my family and my daughters peace of mind? It can’t be all about the depressed individual all the time, especially after 30+ years of it.
Someone please show this to my dad before I have to try to kill myself again. He won’t pay for my meds anymore because he would rather spend the money on his girlfriend. I can’t fall asleep without my meds, and once I’m asleep, I never want to wake up.
Print it out and leave it for him. How old are you? If you’re over 18, you’re old enough to go get your own. If you are a minor, talk to your guidence councelor at school for starters. Check into patient assistant programs. You don’t want to be like my sister and be dependent on everyone for everything at the age of 43. Patient assistance is why she gets her meds or she’d have none.
Although I feel much stronger on the outside and my thoughts are not as confused as they used to be, My depression was never as bad as it is now. I have always hated to talk about it not to be judged and because I don’t like when people give advice and expect you to follow their instructions directly. I appreciate advice but when I calm down, not when I feel like I’m drowning and just need someone’s presence with me. I think I am stronger now because I found friends who can listen and understand and love, but the thing is I feel that by admitting how I feel now, it’s like I am betraying them, like what they are doing for me is not enough. I’m so lost
Ive had a time in my life when i struggled with depression and felt like i was in a black hole. I didnt look forward to anything and things i used to enjoy seemed normal like nothing good about it. But then i just had help from God and then things started looking up. A few months later i met my girlfriend and i just fell in love. We’ve been dating for about 2 years and now shes struggling with depression pretty badly. She took a test online about it not to long ago and it said she had at least high depression in all fields of depression bsides one. And in major depression she scored extremely high. All i’ve done about it is try to be supportive and just always telling her that i am here for her and that she can curl up to me and let it out. Shes been crying all the time lately and for me, well i just want to help her and i dont exactly know how. Even though i may be smart and have a strong faith, i just would like to know how to help better. If anybody can help it would be appreciated.
hello sounds to me your doing a good job and maybe need some support for yourself and your love one.life sound hard for the both of you. however they maybe help out there, what about checking to see what’s available in our area for both of you. I hope you both find a balance in your live that works for both of you. x
I’ve lived with a husband who’s chronically depressed for many years, so I know all the tips in this post make sense. Certainly people who are depressed need encourangement and support from those who love them. But what bothers me is how little attention and concern there is for those of us who are living with the depressed person. Caregivers for depressed people experience ovewhelming effects (emotional, financial, and physical effects included) when someone they’ve loved and depended on is no longer there as they once were.. Then, too, depression can be “contagious.” It’s hard to watch it and deal with every day without seeing it take over your own mood, as well. My co-author and I have published two books on the plight of these hidden depression victims, and we make it our goal to educate the public about just how hard it is to live with a depressed person.
My husband is in denial about is latest bout of depression he won’t take medication he’s moved out but calls in when he needs support we are at the end of our tether any suggestion he says he loves us but it doesn’t feel like it!
I can empathies with you and your love one,s.However Care,s are often left unsupported and find life very hard to cope with a person with mental illness . it is very hard supporting a person with depression never mind a love one who we look up to for support ourself. I hope you all find some support for all of you in your area. x
Hi
I want to ask a question: What will happened if you said these things to a depressed person below ? because i have a severe depression and my friend Joyce said these things to me, then it made my depression get worse:
1.WE have nothing in common and you are driving me nuts…you only email when you have problems and I am tired of hearing it.
2. You need to find friends on your own mental level and People who are older (like me who am 58) cannot be your friend on the same level
3. Go talk to your therapists and please don’t email me anymore
4. I don’t have the patience for your temper tantrums
5. Please find someone else’s shoulder to cry on and put up with your nonsense
6. Sometimes you DO bug people too much…and you have to understand people have busy lives
7. I suggest you work on your behavior, and get a handle on “why” you feel you need to “bug” people so much
8. I wish you luck in finding friends…life is too short to be miserable
9. You are a nice person, but you have the emotional and mental abilities of someone about 10-12 years old
10. I have told you over and over and over how to go about these things, but you never listen…and that is the most frustrating thing of all
I try to tell others that the more into details I get the more depression that follows. And most do not do those anyway. They usually say hurtful and harmful things despite the fact they are not doing through it only you are. Some others will only worsen the condition further. I have heard lots of hurtful and harmful things.