A new study published in CyberPsychology & Behavior suggests that college students who were primed to imagine lonely feelings didn’t find any relief from their loneliness when chatting with strangers online.
Subjects in the study who had high trait loneliness found some relief from talking …
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As a chronically lonely, isolated person, I find it interesting that I get more satisfaction from interacting on blogs, even those where the blogger never responds to my comments or responds negatively, than I do in other formats, such as chatting. When you read a blog for a long time, you get the illusory feeling that you know the person who’s writing the blog, and that your interest and modest interaction in the blog writer’s life is an actual relationship. I find myself talking about these people as though I know them, even though I’m certain I’d botch it if they knew me in real life. The illusion of relationship sustains me better than the terrors of actual relationships.
And of course, for many people the whole point about chat with strangers is to eventually build closer relationships (friendships) with them in the future. This is another fact limiting the relevance of the findings
I think maybe the article would be better pointed if it said something like, “people who can’t relate to other people in real life have hard time relating to other people online also.” (as this seems to be true). It is easier to make introductions online, but you still have to follow through with contact just like in real life.
For people who are lonely because of illness, chatting online can be a big help. In our chat room, we have been able to make real friendships.
Online chatting is a little different than real life. In some ways, it can be easier to chat online if you’re ADHD or something — as you can go back a re-read something you’d missed!
But for those who are homebound due to illness, we’ve found chat can be a lifeline.
Hi Im A Girl And A Want To Chat With Any One So Please Chat With Me
hi hope you are fine,ama arhur
I am a chronically lonely person, oddly enough found this site while surfing for places to go chat with someone. I like chatting online but in the end it does only make me more lonely, not less. I guess I really feel excited to talk to someone but in the end I know it will never end up with a long term friendship or that I will only end up hurt. Why would I keep doing it if this is always the end result, I don’t have any friends in real life and guess that even though I know it will only make me sad in the end, the short time I do get to “talk” to someone…even if for a moment…makes me forget how sad I am.
J.
I am very sorry for you feeling so lonely. It seems to be an epidemic of sorts these days. Maybe you should try to join groups in your home town. Like a book club, or something you might like to do. I hate to see people being lonely as you do. I am alone as well but, I seem to do ok with it. Not always, but for the most part I do alright. Life is pretty odd lately. I hope you take some advice and try to look up some positive clubs to join.
i’m nice man i be maried and want to have friend to share a lot of probl, and story
I have never felt lonely once in my entire life. Alone, yes, sometimes, but not lonely. I love being alone, and I love e-mailing and wrting. I hate phones because I can blog and write whenever I feel like it, and not feel like someone else’s slave, jumping into a mood I am not in just because someone feels like talking to me.
Sad but true, being a loner is a lonely life but its better than being out there trying to get on with predictable bores. I’m my own person, single,have a shit job, independant and a capricorn. I cannot be myself around most people.Sorry to the good females out there but I have found the whinning,nasty, frustrated,ignorant I’m all that female (always in a relationship or married) unbearable to be around and I’m female. I’m at the stage now where I don’t bother talking to people, only if I have too. My horse is better company than most. It’s pathetic for me out there as I am a very genuine person. A rough diamond but a diamond all the same. Being a giver amongst so many takers does not work, I’ve learnt the word NO. I’m 51 and have given up but the positive side is I’m not getting used or put down and I can live with that. Maybe I’ve come to the right place to chat with like-minded souls.
Wow, I’m so excited to know that there are actually medical terms for my constant lonliness. I cant believe that there are good people out here that go through what i go through each day. Im 29 years old, very pretty, 2 kids, 0 friends, a few men that enjoy using me ( and i let them just for the company sometimes). For some reason people take my looks for a sign that im happy, when actually I am the lonliest person in the world. At work ( prior to my lay off ) everyone used to think that i was so fun, nice, witty, with lots of stuff to do. i always wondered why noone ever invited me anywhere or called me when we were off. Little did they know I was at home crying every nite and fantasizing about the day when i would meet my best friend or a husband. I dont consider myself a jealous person but i always feel that when someone is taking an interest in me someone better always comes and takes them away. I started just doing whatever people wanted me to do to try and make them like me but that doesnt work. I spend sometimes 12 and 15 hours on the computer just waiting on someone to respond to my facebook or my blogs. I talk on chatlines and have even been so desperate as to go out and meet people between 2-5 AM ( I know real smart…NOT). Does anyone on hear know of a website that is free for people like me to be in an active chatroom and meet other people?
Hi there,it is good to see people admitting they have a lonelyness. but perhaps there is a difference in being lonely and being a loner? i am a loner i do not enjoy other peoples company for the most part.i do have a couple friends but i wouldnt say it is deep.jen i definatly agree with you people bore me too my dogs are more fun to be around then boring people.i too am independent and capricorn (maybe there is something to be capricorn?)or maybe we choose not to deal with fake superficial crap?anyway just thought i would post my two cents.
some people are born with the in
some people are born with the knowledge of how futile life really is they see the evil in people and the conspiracies going on in the world when others do not when they try to tell others what is happening or even worse put a stop to it they are looked upon as insane most people are sheep who do not see things as they really are and this is no put down most of them are good even sucessful people the ones who do see lead a very lonely life they feel that they must do something about what they know but most cannot find a way to accomplish this i am one of those people and i am so weary of bearing this burden in silence
Yes they think your insane and dat you dont know what you’re doing… funny bcuz u know what they think and you know what you’re doing(maybe not exactly but you know)But who is going to help lonely person – noone, people think for themselves and their family and friends, friends that they met usually at school or their friend introduced them to another friend etc… or when they go in gang maybe they met someone other guys and get along… people never help lonely people.. they pass them like there nothing… And you know what’s the funny thing, if someone of these lonely ones succeed in life he always looks different on people… like the people are just shadows passing
Wow. I thought I was the only lonely person out there. I try to find other lonely people around me, but I never can find anyone who is willing to have a real friendship. Most people are just worried about stupid, selfish, trivial stuff. I can’t even pretend to care about that stuff anymore. I used to try.
But anyway, nice to know I’m not the only one.
And yes, chat rooms are AWFUL if you are really lonely. Everyone wants to have stupid cyber-sex. UHG!
If anyone wants to email me and try to have a friendship with another “lonely” person- my email is mcb552@aol.com.
No funny business please, just sincere people who want to talk/type.
Jude, I’m exactly like you. I never thought about what you said that about interacting with blogs rather than chatting, but same in fact goes for me.
Well we’re not that lonely amongst ourselves now are we? If I had the ability to feel sorry for some of you I would, (not that it would do any good), but to hear the way some of the comments are written, it seems as though I am in good company.
We may be lonely, but we’re certainly not unintelligent.
E-mail me anytime @ dimasciosbridge@aol.com
I am 46. I feel weird writing on this site. You see I just get up some nights when everyone is asleep and feel so lonely inside. I would love to have a life butt life is and always.will be focused on my immediate family. I know why I am lonely but you see I am stuck. I pray to God that my family could be happy. My mother and father are in there 70′s and depress me because I am very close to them and I know they will not be around for ever. I have 2 sons that are 20 and one
Lives with me due to a health problem and the other one runs day and night and I never know what he is doing. I know I could have a life but I feel caged sometimes. I don’t even know what I would do if I left this circle that I have created. What a pain and I feel like such a whiner. I really don’t care if someone reads this or not I just need to let off steam setimes and would like to use this place to do so. Who knows I am sure I am not the only one in this predicament
I am listening Lost. No, you are not the only one. Best wishes to you, maybe both of us, Kat
I am getting off work now, done managing a sick patient who took all his medications wrong and accidentally overdosed on his insulin, so I had to monitor his blood sugars every 15 minutes.
I know exactly how all of you feel, I’ve been going through the same thing. I have a few friends but even when I’m around them I feel so lonely. My boyfriend has moved out of the country and it kills me not to be around him anymore. I’ve tried joining chat rooms, but the only thing everyone wants is sex.Glad to know I’m not the only one!If anyone wants to try to have a friendship with another “lonely” person, and talk about your story- my email is mashalfaizan@hotmail.com
Very Strange, I was looking for new sites for chatting cause I’m in one of my lonely moods and found this article. I’m an introvert and connecting with people is not something I do easily. I’m not into superficial talk for long periods so light hearted bantering that’s so common on the internet bores me for a while.
It’s not easy being a loner at 39 when everyone expects you to have a gazillion friends to be a success in life.
39iner, I don`t agree. it`s not boring, reading about my feelings, that some out had it once.
Hi
I am lonely too
I have always been a loner, always. I don’t like it but don’t do anything about it. I’m 47 – 48 on 11/19 and I am wondering more and more what the point of this so called life is. My family is estranged, no true friends – you know the kind you could call anytime day or night. I just wrote a suicide note to my son – I really don’t ever think I would do that, but for whatever reason I felt compelled to write it.
Hi, I really liked that advise of colleen about going to a book club or something… It really seems to me a good idea. I usually like to go out alone, most of the time a feel better than with somebody (especially somebody I don’t really like). So I was wondering if you have any other sugesstions about places where you can go. Something like things to do alone or places where you can go and eventually meet other people…
It was good to see some poignant posts out here. I am writing this point on the long(and lonely) Thanksgiving holiday. I am a pretty lonely person too. I keep myself pretty busy at work and gym during the week, but such long holidays result in loneliless coming back in. I am 26 yr old guy; quite a genuine and helpful person, but have a very hard time trusting other people since I have had too many hurtful experiences in my formative years. Needless to say I’m an introvert. I try to keep a smiling face to the outside world, but innately I feel quite lonely.
Maybe we can help each other out via exchanging positive emails. Here is my email address tirp.tirp@yahoo.com
Only sincere / geniune email please!
hi there, just want to offer some help really, genuine help, ive been ‘lonely’ for years, still am sometimes but have learnt to live with it, i ‘really’ do know how it feels to ‘really’ feel it, am currently looking at volunteering with a homeless shelter, i want to help others more than anything. even thought of setting up website so we can all chat. I have space in my life for new genuine friends that id truly like to offer some support to. me typing this is just my way of saying that there is someone out there that cares, when your walking in the street, looking out your window, all is not as it seems ‘all the time’ that person who’s smiling, looking confident with life, could more than likely be feeling the same as you. Please dont feel alone, its a very scarey place to be and i promise your not on your own.x
Well, it is nice to know that I am not alone. I wonder if anyone is familiar with the Meyers-Briggs personality types. I am an INFP and a Cancer (with Capricorn tendencies). I feel lonely a lot of times. I live in the surburbs with my mother and my son. I think about moving so that my son and I are together, but then worry that I will be even lonelier. Thanks to you all for sharing your thoughts so on this night, I don’t feel like I am the only one experiencing these feelings.
Hi everyone. I don’t want to be lonely!!!! I am new to a new area and don’t know to many. My son, his girlfriend, his friends, ect. I have health problems so it is hard for me to commit to groups. I was a successful business owner for 20 years. I can’t work now. Anyway I think there are different kinds. Most were mentioned here but what about those that want to make lasting friendships and can’t and not due to mental or shyness or lack of social skills. I don’t know where to go and know being alone for so long has created depression so bad that I can’t seem to bring together a day that I feel well and not so depressed at the same time. So I hope you can see that to join a book club by the time the day final rolls around will I be able to go??? am i going to be to ill or to depressed on that day? I know this is confusing. I need a friend that will visit me, then in time I think I’ll pull out of the depression and only have to deal with my health condition. You see with my old friendships they all hit the road after being ill for several years. They were great in the beginning but when they realized I couldn’t be cured they slowly disappeared! My son is so busy with his job, girlfriend and own friends I don’t think he realizes I have been sitting in my house for 2 weeks without speaking to a single sole and not by choice!!!!!!! I was going to read and proof this but sorry, not i the mood. This sucks, I’m watching myself drown and can’t stop it! I hate what is happening. Yes I have also tried to ask for help from the few people I know but… they sympathize but that is all then go on with their own life. They don’t get it. No one I know would want to or could survive in my shoes. What is with today’s society?? You can walk down the street and try to talk with people and they act as if you are nuts or ignore you!!
I would love to do something to help lonely peopleto like ourselves. I believe we are all normal!! When I was younger I had tons of friends. When I work also more than what I could keep up with. That was part of the problem… I had to start eliminating part of my social groups because my health was up and down. I didn’t feel I could keep up my part and be fair to my commitments. I am the type of person I always gave all my best in what ever I did. Now I’m not sure how to do things half way. I have tried to apply for volunteer work but nobody has hired me. They think I’m to high risk (health wise). This is why I am sinking. I would like to start a program to help others in the same positions as we are in. Anyone in the San Diego area please let me know. No funny business only serious people!! Like Michelle mentioned. Please if the doctors on this site really what to make a positive impact, your input would be greatly appreciated. Maybe you could volunteer a little time to one of the easiest life saving great causes! At one time I didn’t understand how people could get so lonely, depressed, ect. I thought they brought it on themselves. Maybe some.. but now I don’t believe that to be true. Life, circumstances, health, loss, ect. many different reason that can all end at the same place that nobody would choose for their self. Please help me to help others!!!
People need to feel needed, to know that they matter to someone. If you are lonely, you probably feel as though you do not matter to anyone, or to hardly anyone, which is so many lonely people find solice in volunteering, because then you matter to someone, if only for a few minutes.
If you are cronicly lonely, it is vital to connect with others who need you for the long term. There is a new service that matches people to create long term surrogate extended families, Creating Extended Families.
Creating Extended Families
hi there holi,
i agree with you that some people like to do volunteer work because it makes them feel a part of something which then usually makes them feel less lonely. i guess if im to be completely honest theres a small part in me that feels that. but mostly i want to offer help because i genuinley care about how the other person feels. my therapist once said to me….’when your feeling really in a bad place and it feels it cant get any worse to really try to reach out to others like yourself and ”feel compassion” that was a big turning point for me and really worked for me, i was left feeling that actually im quite lucky, there is always someone worse off out there and that makes me really want to help others.is a strange one but hope that makes sense. take care guys, im always out there x
Hello,
I am English and I am living in a remote area of France with my two sons – for personal, domestic reasons.
What you are saying has touched me deeply and partly this is because of the concerns I have for my elder son, Joe, who is 22 and very isolated and becoming very,very lonely.
I am writing to ask if anyone would be willing to write to him. He has profound hearing problems, but despite this, and his lack of French(!!), he has committed to a two year college course here, which he finds very demanding. He feels excluded from college social activities, as well as the local community here, and as a result is becoming quite withdrawn. He would really like someone to communicate with him.
If you would like to write to him, this is my email address ( morganschild111@yahoo.co.uk )and i will pass on any messages directly to him.
Thank you all for reading.
Morgana
I just don’t have any companionship from my friends any more. We do socialize, but everyone seems very content with everything they’re doing and i’m just sitting here by myself. It’s hard to just find a friend for just socialization. If anyone is interested in just a general friendship or communication, feel free to email me. Ffpro13@yahoo.com
I have been lonely all my life. I am already 37 years of age yet I am still single. Being very lonely created a lot of emotional problems for me. I am often angry with myself blaming my past. I still haven’t move on from my past hurts. My mom died 3 years ago while I grew up with her without having a father. I don’t even have any other siblings. I grew up alone and lonely. Now almost all my life I spent it alone. Emotionally, I am not capable of loving someone because it always ends up with a fight. I am very hard to be with because I am so bitter in life. I also had a very long struggle with substance abuse..drugs. Yet I managed to finish high school even I got rehabilitated for almost 5 years. Now, I’m clean but my emotional addiction is far from over. My negative emotions like self-pity, low self esteem and anger are still haunting me everyday. Not just that I am lonely I am also undergoing severe depression. I have dreams of ending my vulnerable life. But I could not do it. I am still hoping that if there is really a God out there, He must help me…at least gives me a sign that there is still hope for me. Thank you for listening my story.
just spent the last 7 years in prison cant go anywhere to meet people so very depressing live at home with the parents till i get off parole. looking for a girl to chat with and confide in ive been trying to figure out whats wrong why i can just be happy. i realy need someone to love and call my friend i just feel like i want someone to squeeze and hold you no that big satisfying hug that makes you feel like totle trust. dont mean to sound like a pig but please dont be fat its a charicter defect of mine i no but i cant help it somebody hollar 6′ 2″ 190lb 43yrs
Hi everyone. I know what you guys means. I been lonely all my life. I’m still 19 and single(never had a boyfriend). And I find it hard to connect to people in real life. You make friends and then they disappear. So trusting someone is so hard. But the feeling of been wanted never disappear. And Trying to tell yourself everything is fine. But then everything is the same the next day. And to said this hurt. And the thing that save me is my family. so that my story.
If anyone want to talk to another lonely person email me at hamstermeat645@aim.com. serious person only!
I’ve been on both ends of this and wanted to offer some effective ways out of the loneliness. Force yourself to get out. As hard as it may be, force yourself. Look into your local rec center, most cities have them. Take up a sport (you don’t have to be good at it, just try). Lots of cities have kickball leagues – the main reason for joining them for many people is that it gets them out and interacting with people. Take a class at the local college. Learn to swim/fly/dive/ride a motorcycle/etc. It will give you something to do that opens up opportunities to meet new people with a common interest. Look for opportunities to do a good deed/volunteer, people will notice, take that opening to start a conversation.
None of this is easy, but it gets easier after a while. Force yourself to get out among real people.
To Zoe at 6:29 pm on August 15th, 2009:
There is evil in the world, but there isn’t enough cooperation to have the big conspiracies. Look around, there is good out there too. Don’t shut yourself away by focusing on the negative things you see. There will always be injustice, but there is justice too. Don’t worry about burdening yourself with saving us, work hard at saving yourself and having happiness in your life. You deserve it! We are responsible for saving ourselves.
TEARS ARE FLOWING DOWN MY CHEEKS…
I AM SO ALONE…
:’(
For those of you looking for more information or looking for a community of individuals who also suffer from loneliness, please check out my website at http://www.webofloneliness.com or my online community at http://webofloneliness.ning.com You can find support from others who are experiences things similar to you.
Are you heartbroken? Lonely? Have you ever lost or been hurt by someone that you loved deeply? Have you stopped loving life? Is there someone you’re aching for? Did they leave you, pass away, disappear, do something horrible to you, change from what you thought they were?
It can be anything about anyone, a lover, family member, friend. Even if you had a pet or a material possession that was deeply meaningful to you for any specific reason, just explain to us why it was important. If you’ve suffered any loss at all, especially if the profound effects are still felt by you today, please send us your story, we’d love to hear it.
If we take a special interest in you, you’ll be contacted for further details, and you may have the opportunity to be featured in one of our programs.
You can tell us about what happened in any way you like, be real, be honest. Be yourself. Even if you just need someplace private to vent and know that someone is actually listening, we’re here for that too.
Just send your emails to heretohearyou@gmail.com
We’d much rather you send an actual email instead of posting a reply to this topic. It’s easier for us, and it’s also allows you to be more intimate away from public view. It also guarantees that your message will be sent straight to our inbox and we’ll be able to find and read it easily.
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I have been fighting injury loneliness and hiding from life for over a year now I glad to fing others that might talk back to me w/some of the same issues. my hands also hurt so I am looking for someone I can talk to on the phone. Please e-mail me somebody! renge
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Good article! We have evolved to be social creatures, but having social networking “friends,” even ones who send good wishes, is not having a real support system in life. We evolved to have actual, not virtual, relationships, and for most of our evolution, the support system was a broad array of extended family intergenerational relationships, where each person of each generation had something of value to contribute, making a full our support network rich & meaningful.
Now the extended family has deteriorated, and we live in a world where we are expected to work longer hours, for less pay, with an infinitesimally small support system – most of whom probably live thousands of miles away from us, and then we are expected to be constantly multitasking all day long – not actually focused on any one thing at a time.
All of this is causing our social relationships are taking a bit hit. Loneliness is striking both those who are withdrawn as well as those who reach out, and it is certainly not something people are choosing.
If we can slow down and try to patiently build meaningful connections with people, try to create an intergenerational extended family support system, I think the people who are reaching out but still frustratingly lonely might find what they are looking for. CreatingExtendedFamilies.com
i am feeling lonely i want someone to share my feelings with …:(
I to am a lonely person. I have no friends. I find it hard to make friends because I feel I have nothing to bring to a friendship. I see myself as being a very boring and uninteresting person.
hello everyone some of your storys are really sad i feel lonelymyself it is not easy to make friends for me as well been let down a lot and hurt by people i thought were friends i am also looking for a friend or friends whom is sincere and someone that i can trust it is not easy to open up to people once yu are let down and hurt lonelyness is a terible thing yu become so desperate for some one to talk to if any one is looking for a friend or just wonts to chat it always helps to no that their is someone out their to talk to that feels the same get in touch with me at moonahchoudhry61@gmail.com i am in glasgow based thanks for taking the time to read this email.