We all have a few tricks for beating the blues — things we do when we’re feeling down.
It turns out, however, that several popular strategies don’t actually work very well in the long term. Beware if you’re tempted to try any of the following (all of which I often, and unsuccessfully, have tried)…
1. Comforting yourself with a “treat.”
Often, the things we choose as “treats” aren’t good for us. The pleasure lasts a minute, but then feelings of guilt, loss of control, and other negative consequences just deepen the lousiness of the day. So when you find yourself thinking, “I’ll feel better after I have a few beers… a pint of ice cream… a cigarette… a new pair of jeans,” ask yourself — will it really make you feel better? It might make you feel worse. In particular, beware of…
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These are all great pieces of advice and hold much truth. If you subscribe to the theory that we have 3 basic needs of nourishment, warmth, and security (which I do) then it is easy to connect the dots as to why these “quick fixes” are so appealing. When we lack one of the needs, we often try to fill that void by over compensating on one of the other needs. If we assume the brain is addicted to the warm fuzzy feeling of satisfaction, it doesn’t care what the reality outside the body is, as long as something makes it feel satisfied. Loose your job, eating will not bring your job back. But for the moment that you are eating, the mind will receive the chemical releases and is distracted from that reality. Marriage on the rocks? Drinking and smoking will never do anything to rectify that insecurity. But it will momentarily provide your brain with the chemical releases needed to register a satisfied affect. Loss of a loved one leaves you feeling anxious about exposing yourself to the insecurity of other social connections? Walling yourself will help reduce that threat. Changing behaviors is about challenging anxieties and cause you to believe one of your needs are threatened even though they are not. You are so used to eating a certain way, that when you are not eating that way, it makes you anxious. So if you are already dieting and some other uncontrollable anxiety comes into your life, it is too tempting to want to retreat into a security that you have control over. However, it comes with other, more detrimental threats to your security. It is so easy to recognize and correct when you are legitimately hungry or your body is not exactly 98.6 degrees. But physical and emotional security are more of a grey area.
Successful resolution of “the blues” has to involve determining what is causing it. Either that or we would have to develop a pill that would allow us to feed our addictions, forget about consequences for our actions, block outside influences, lashing out aggressively to anybody we couldn’t block out, and just stay in and sleep all day with complete disregard for the reality that surrounds us. That would be a great pill. Imagine how the whole family would benefit when a member starts acting in such a fashion.
I strongly reject the claim that it’s a bad idea to disconnect from other people when unhappy. Sure, it may be true that “you’re better off making pleasant plans with friends or family” – but if you’re in a frame of mind where it’s possible to make pleasant plans rather than just sit quietly and hope nobody notices your misery, fighting the blues isn’t really an issue.
These are very helpful reminders that sync with an adage I memorized when I was struggling… 1) Get up (out of bed) 2) Get out (the fresh air and sunshine are blues busters) 3) Help out (thinking about someone else avoids brooding). Those with serious depression should see a pro, but if you’ve got the blues or grumpies…it works every time.
Having struggled w/ depression or dysthimic disorder or whatever for over 2 decades has been rough. I’ve tried to give myself treats, which don’t necessarily make me feel worse. The “treats” make me feel better, but it is only short-lived. But now, I’ve found something that helps but in an unexpected place. And this echoes Jagor’s comment about about the #3 step: Help out. I got trained as a registered nurse, and when I’m working with people in far worse shape than I am (either mentally or physically or both), I found that the attention I need to focus on these patients in order to help or heal them doesn’t just let me forget about my own issues, but actually also lets me come away from the whole day feeling much more positive than when I went into it. Helping others is very therapeutic for me, though I’m not quite sure if it will be a long-term effect. But by far it’s the best thing I’ve found so far.
I think most of us here have gone through one or more of the situations you have listed as a result of getting the blues. I believe the best way of coping is always finding other people who are going through the same thing. Talking to them almost always gets me inspired and ready to face the next challenge.