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Have You Been Burned By a Broken Heart?

This guest article from YourTango was written by Dr. Margaret Paul.

“Science has finally confirmed what anyone who’s ever been in love already knows: Heartbreak really does hurt.”   CNN Health 

In a new study using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI), researchers have found that the same brain networks that are activated when you’re burned by hot coffee also light up when you think about a lover who has spurned you.

In other words, the brain doesn’t appear to firmly distinguish between physical pain and intense emotional pain. Heartache and painful breakups are “more than just metaphors,” says Ethan Kross, Ph.D., the lead researcher and an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Michigan, in Ann Arbor.

4 Comments to
Have You Been Burned By a Broken Heart?

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  1. Hi,

    I can add this. I can tell you that I am from a background where divorce and breakups are rare. When I lost my best friend of 12 years and wife of a decade to antidepressants, it left a mark on me. I have tried 2 other serious relationships since then. One should have been with the perfect counterpart. We shared many of the same passions and philosophies. But as I got close, I couldn’t help but to concentrate on the negatives with razor attentiveness. I would push them away. Both noted that the most intense periods of negativity came after spending the weekend with my young daughter. Remarking how I would hide away my emotions when with her, but as soon as she was out of my custody, I would grow irritable and closed off. There is certainly a Pavlovian trigger, a “Skinner affect” when one has a heart break. Even knowing that I am doing it can’t stop it.

  2. I’m damned tired of being the ‘too nice to date guy friend’ who kept getting what I call The Three Speeches, so I made a few changes.

    Nice guy is gone – I sent him away.
    Hopeless Romantic has been banished.
    Curmudgeon shows up quite a bit.
    Complete Asshole now gets let off the leash to play.

    I’m currently building a business so that I can afford a gold digger.

    It’ll be an honest relationship.
    As long as the money holds out, I won’t have to worry about being banished to the friend zone ever again, and there is actually a VERY remote chance that she may fall in love with me and not my money.

    And, for the record, The Three Speeches are:
    1 – The soul crushing ‘You’re a Nice Guy, but not for me’ speech, which is quickly followed by –
    2 – The ‘There’s someone out there for you, but it’s not me’ speech that offers false hope, and the –
    3 – ‘I love you, but not that way’ speech that feels like an acid dipped knife being slowly and repeatedly twisted in the wound.

    That’s why I’ve become more of a prick and an asshole than I ever wanted to be just to keep from being banished to ‘The Friend Zone’.

    • Mr. Smithee – You speak so eloquently for so, so many! I am hearing that in about 20 years, after the
      wonderful “alpha’s” have done their thing, she will tell you how sorry she is that she saw you in that light, understanding much later that you were being REAL and sincere ( qualities which do not attract women). Just figure that being the best man you can be is the best that ANYONE can ask of you.
      Women are missing guys like you who really could add to their lives, even without the required “edge” and possibility of danger. It is a reasonably happy life, but it goes on without women. Best wishes!

  3. So my ex of 3 years broke up with me about a month ago and I admit that I am still hurting I’ve ended up drinking more because it numbs the pain. I am devastated that we didn’t last but I am not in love with him I think it became a habit of being together but now it’s got all weird as we are doing the friends with benefits thing


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