This isn’t the blog post I planned to write. I might get to that one eventually; it’s still kicking around in my head and I still know what I want to say. But this one — I needed to make a couple of stops on the way home, and I didn’t, because I had to race back to the laptop. The words kept wanting out. When you’re a writer, that’s how you know you’re on to something.
While I was out driving around, this old song, “Hold On,” by Kansas, came on the radio station. I grew up — in Kansas, poetically enough — listening to Kansas and Styx and Rush and Van Halen and Peter Frampton, and yes, even Rick Springfield.1
But here are the opening lyrics to the song:
Look in the mirror and tell me
Just what you see
What have the years of your life
Taught you to be?
Innocence dyin’ in so many ways
Things that you dream of are lost
Lost in the hazeMost people, somehow or another, are tormented — whether by cruel others or the workings of their own cruel minds — throughout adolescence.
Lucky me: I got both.
Footnotes:
- I have a soft spot for Rick Springfield. Try not to mock me. He’s 62 and he’s still smokin’ hot, and he can still sing, and he was the cause of some happy memories from my teens. [↩]
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Site last updated: 18 Jun 2013
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I totally agree with you that it is time to stop hiding mental illness. I have lived with Bipolar Disorder for most of my life. Unlike you I didn’t get the diagnosis until I was in my 40′s. My son also had Bipolar Disorder. He chose to end his life on June 4, 2011 at the age of 43. I have been stable for at least 10 years thanks to good therapy and the right medication. Would that my son would have availed himself of lifesaving treatment. It takes great courage to ‘hold on’ Good for you!
Thank you for the kind words, everyone. It was scary to put this out here, but I truly want to help along understanding and stigma-busting as best I can.
Salleeob, I am terribly sorry for the loss of your son. I can’t tell you the number of times I have come close to giving up. I’ve been fortunate (I guess?? Some days I wonder) in that someone always caught on before I could go through with it.
I actually didn’t start getting treatment until my early 30s, for a variety of reasons, but it is clear looking back that this all began for me very early. I’m glad to hear you’re doing well, and for so long! My periods of stability are fairly short anymore, so to hear something like that gives me hope, too.
Thanks again for reading my story and taking the time to comment. ~ Candy
(((Candy)))
Such a great blog!
Thank you for speaking the truth! Many of us have went through the same thing, or shades of things like that.
Bless you
Thank you for sharing. Never give up. It can get better. Always remember we are out here and we truly do care. This world would suffer a great loss without you in it. You are an inspiration.