This guest article from YourTango was written by Richard Drobnick.
Men and women are different in many ways. They see the world through completely different perspectives. The key to understanding their differences is in the way that men and women communicate.
Here are six important communication differences that you should be aware of, to help improve your communications with your partner and make them smoother and more effective.
1. Why Talk?
He believes communication should have a clear purpose. Behind every conversation is a problem that needs solving or a point that needs to be made. Communication is used to get to the root of the dilemma as efficiently as possible.
She uses communication to discover how she is feeling and what it is she wants to say. She sees conversation as an act of sharing and an opportunity to increase intimacy with her partner. Through sharing, she releases negative feelings and solidifies her bond with the man she loves.
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Site last updated: 21 May 2013
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Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus!
So sexist. As a female, I relate better to the “male” communication style. I tend to view others as overly emotional, and only communicate when there is a reason for it.
Thank you, Raina. I could not agree more. As a linguist with a number of years of research on communication behind me, I feel rather dejected by this kind of blog post that takes statistics on majority behaviour in a particular culture, extrapolates them and presents them as general truths.
Simply put: While there are some statistically measurable differences between how men and women communicate, these are only relevant to men and to women *when they are seen as groups*. It cannot be taken to mean that “men do X, women do Y”. There are always large differences within the gender groups, and for each individual it is *always* impossible to predict based on gender alone (or indeed based on culture, age or shoe size) how s/he is going to communicate.
What is true is that many people feel disempowered and denied their own voice by blanket statements such as the ones made in this blog post, for instance the opening statement “[women and men] see the world through completely different perspectives”. I apologise for being blunt, but it is true and as psych professionals you should recognise this. Women and men are individuals, and a lot of the psychological suffering around comes from trying to force people into moulds that don’t fit them.
Men and women DO THINK differently! Come on Apteryx and Raina…..what are you guys a couple of N.O.W. clubbies? They don’t say it’s identical for everyone, but in generalities. I don’t feel disempowered and denied by blanket statements…anyone with half a brain, “weeds and feeds” from such blogs. Some things are helpful and some things don’t fit your specific needs….you don’t have to get your “panties in a wad” if it covers up your female symbol tattoo do you? Seriously….lighten up girls. I don’t care how many YEARS you have in some psych-o babble career….all you have to do is be in a few relationships with a man to know….WE ARE NOT ALIKE!!! Which, in my humble opinion, IS A GOOD THING!!!
Thank you for that reasoned, humble and well-formulated piece of writing. Unfortunately, you seem to be saying that you know how it is because you know how it is, and there isn’t really much somebody like me who prefers to rely on objective observations made on large amounts of language data produced by many thousands of randomly selected people can say to counter that. I’m sure you personally are fine with the descriptions in the blog post. So are many other people. Nobody is disputing that. Many other people are not remotely fine with it. Does that make them less female, or less male? Are these people allowed to have a differing opinion without being belittled for it? (And what on earth is a “N.O.W. clubby”? I suspect it’s jargon that’s understandable to Americans, but not to me.)
So, if I can sum up that article, men know what they’re talking about, short and to the point, while women are a confused, stupid, overly emotional mess that can’t shut up about their conflicting feelings.
Thanks for doing your part in spreading denigrating stereotypes and sexism, “Yortango Experts.”
- A woman.
A far more useful source on this topic is Deborah Tannen’s 1990 book “You Just Don’t Understand”.
I have found Ms Tannen’s book useful in understanding and improving my communication with other men as well as improving my communication with women. I periodically re-read it.
Ms Tannen is a professor of linguistics at Georgetown University in Washington, D.C.
To AbortonKills: I find it impossible to take seriously anyone who uses an identifier such as yours. This topic has nothing to do with abortion, yet you insist on putting a distress flare into the night sky. Taking you seriously becomes imposssible.
Seconded! Deborah Tannen’s book is very well worth reading, though it should be kept in mind that it is to some extent culture specific to North American Anglo culture. I think her “That’s Not What I Meant!” is also very good (although it’s a couple of years older IIRC).
HiPersonally, I felt that this diatribe promotes stereotypes of men being close-minded, brutish anti-socials. I believe that much of the cause for discrimination and misunderstanding between males and females is the ludicrous notion that the sexes are innately absolutely different, even to the point of polarity. Surely the existence of homosexuality vindicates this a little! But not just homosexuality (luckily, lest I lose browny points with homophobes and fascist religiosos). There are plenty of men who prefer other pursuits over football-watching, beer-swilling,pie-munching and truck-driving from all walks of life. Let’s move away from relegating men and women to lifeless orbs of rock and start communicating like civilized, intellectually capable beings.
Wow. To bad they cant all be like you ! Well said, but unfortunately i think our society shapes the way men communicate, hold feelings in and such. They aretaught they are weak by showing too much emotion right? But us women are not, therefore we express and express until we end up crying about something w absolutely no repercussions, all the while the man not knowing what he did. This article was an amazing eye opener, thank you!
Sorry, i dont know about you guys, but this article described me and my ex to aT. I wish i would have had this article then to realize he wasnt ignoring me and falling out of love, he was just hiding in his emotional man cave;(. Im about to share this article w/ the world!