I still catch myself cringing when I ask for what I need. Whether it’s telling the waiter that I have the wrong order or turning down a night out with friends because I’m sick, it somehow seems saner to relinquish my own needs to appease others. Over the course of my life I’ve been able to pinpoint exactly where this crazy self-abandonment came from. Shame.
How many times have you been told, “Shame on you” as a child or even as an adult? How many times have you felt so affected by those words that you made decisions in an effort to avoid feeling that way? Or more importantly, how many of you have unconsciously allowed shamed to percolate your mind and control your lives?
It’s the reason why we may feel guilty about taking care of ourselves, why we believe that we inherently don’t deserve happiness. At the root of it is a little child who fears that they are unworthy, unlovable and undeserving of anything good in life.
I had a horrible grammar school teacher who reminds me how ridiculous shaming others is. She scolded students for putting their hands in their pockets. It still boggles me that someone could interpret such an innocent behavior as bad. What it taught me is shame (whether it’s about your weight, your parenting skills, your lack of friendships, etc.) has no rhyme nor reason. It usually has more to do with the person who’s shaming you than yourself. This week’s posts are a good reminder of that. Hope they’ll help put shame in perspective in your own life.
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