The post I wrote earlier only seemed to stir up more thoughts about depression and motherhood. Of course, you could insert whatever mental illness into the place of depression and many of the consequences and outcomes would be …
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I am a mom with depression. I was doing fine working part time (afternoons only — because low dose anti-psychotic meds made me very sleepy in the morning).. life was great and balanced UNTIL my husband got diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic colorectal cancer at age 38. I eventually had to go on leave from work this december because I not only work as a mother, but a care-giver. I’m not complaining; I’m looking at this as an opportunity to really learn about balance. Fortunately, I have extended medical and disability payments so we are not at the poverty level. I worry about women and men in my situation who do not have enough money to make ends meet. I am so blessed.
Unfortunately for this to work the mother has to recognise that they are sick, that it is their responsibility to take care of themselves, so they do not damage their children. They have to be willing to make sacrifices. It is their responsibility.
I am the son of a woman who never did this, despite being very intelligent, and well educated, and having access to very good doctors. This is the nature of mental illness. There are a lot of damaged children out there because of this, and the tragedy is they are having children without taking care of themselves. It is our responsibility to stop this child abuse.
Our illness is not our fault but it is absolutely our responsibility.
RMH -
You are absolutely right. Your last line puts it very well. The nature of mental illness is so deceiving and smothering. It frustrates me.
If it were more tangible, like a physical injury, it might be easier to recognize. But even people with poor physical health can only be “lead to water”. You cannot force a person to take care of themselves, physically or mentally.
And the cycle does repeat itself. It’s such a moral conundrum, since it is the woman’s free will to have children or not, regardless of a mental illness. Or not even realizing her susceptibility before giving birth.
My hope is that with improved medical screening, better availability of properly trained and accessible mental health professionals, and reduced social stigma, someday this might be better managed. Unfortunately, we can only change how we respond to mental illness, not the pure nature of it.
Thanks for your comments.
Hi, thanks for the post. I’m a mother of three: 1, 3, & 5. And I have depression. I think I’ve always had dysthymia: the never-ending feeling that ‘something’s wrong.’ (Even when everything’s really fine.) My mom’s like that. I tried to snap out of it on my own. I prayed like crazy for 3 years. However, the bible instructs to “do ALL you can do & then stand” & I don’t know that I did all I could do to get my depression under control (i.e. proper diet, medication, excersize, etc.). I have had some talk therapy to no avail so far. I have had daily bouts of rage for about the past 3 weeks. Well, today I’m at the end of my rope. I’m unable to take care of my kids properly. I’m going to try to get a strong antidepressant prescribed this afternoon. My husband has endured horrible verbal abuse for too long, & our children need a mom who can handle normal kids’ stuff & daily life. Please, if you’re reading this & think you may have depression, call someone today. Today. Before it gets beyond the point of desperation. Pray. We don’t have to live this way. This is not ‘life’. This is the worst kind of being ‘sick’ that’s curable. And forget the ignorant stigma that our condition is something we can ‘snap out of’ or that it’s ‘your fault’ or that it’s embarassing. Is cancer embarassing? Take care.
It seems like I feel more depressed when I am not working part time rather than not working and staying home full time with my kids. Mostly because I feel like you lose some of your identity and have a loss of social interaction with other adults. It is really challenging to find that balance and that balance is always evolving. I have also realized that living in an isolated community has affected my moods and that if I were in more of a interactive community with other moms and places to go, my depression would be much less. I look forward to moving when the economy is better.I think in America, motherhood can sure be lonely and you have to work hard to find time with other moms.