“The hardest part of all this is my loss of security and my lack of control over my own finances and future. I feel vulnerable and completely powerless to change any of this. It angers me that other people are determining my fate. Especially since …
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Thank you Dr. Aletta, for some great tips on how to survive during this crisis. If it wasn’t for crises, we’d never learn or grow-crises provide stimulus to act in ways, often creative, we otherwise wouldn’t. Unlocking our (unused) creative energy allows us all to uncover strengths, ultimately leading to improved self esteem. It is my hope that, when this financial crisis is over, people will remember to not confuse net worth with self worth.
As a small business we are all praying that the bail out will work! But with the word depression being thrown around will our prayers be answered?
Thanks for the article. I have
been let go from my job after 21 years and they kept some people who had less time in. I am in the anger stage but I don’t want to dwell on it. I am fortunate that I already practice Meditation, the Serenity prayer and very rarely watch the news. Also I have good friends who let me vent and 4 cats to stroke! I hope everyone can realize it is not about them. This economy is truly awful.
I became a heart patient at 57 due to my husband’s dishonest & unfateful behaviour. He is the couse for my illness. When i think of it i really get upset.How to control it?
Dear Dharmasissri,
Please be patient with my response to you. You say the cause for your illness is your husband. That may be so. The source for your recovery, however, is your responsibility and that’s good news. That means your recovery is in your control. Perhaps a first step is to care about him less and care about yourself more. Exercise the suggestions in the article and do not underestimate the support of a good counselor to help you gain control of your life again.
My best wishes,
Dr. Aletta
How do you handle one big stress after another? I’ve had a string of bad luck; financial problems, deaths of several pets, mother’s dementia worsening and being laid-off my job. I’m told by others that “everyone has problems” as though I have no right to feel down. As I’m trying to deal with one big problem, another crops up and I feel like I can hardly stay afloat. Any advice?
Dear doforanimals,
Yes, I do have advice for you. You have every right to feel down and overwhelmed but you don’t want to feel crushed by cascading problems. How to not feel crushed?
Your question is an excellent one and I want to give it the thought it deserves. I will post a complete answer on my blog http://draletta.typepad.com/explorewhatsnext/. Please look for it the next few days.
Yours,
Dr. Aletta
I’m sorry for everyone. I don’t think we should try to figure out who has had more suffering than who, because in the economy there is plenty of suffering to spread around, and comparing relative-suffering is an extension of the blame the victim game.
However, that said, my rage is very high exponential in cause and effect, with greed destroying my health, almost my life, because the issue was safety – - and greed won. No prayers or mantras have helped me with one ounce of either rage or restitution. If I’m lucky I’ll get a few hundred dollars. After thousands and thousands in medical bills. Although I’ve never been known as an angry person, everyone, friends and family, are eager to blame me for my own rage and give me platitudes which feel like blaming the victim, like it’s all my fault, and when people leave me because of the rage, that information is used to justify further 2x4s of blame hitting me in the shins, and justification that “oh I can leave you, too, because you’re telling me that you have burned everyone else out.” That kind of logic makes me enraged! No Dalai Lama has given me anything but anger-quelching platitudes of “oh, just relax a little more, “let go”" as if riding some crest of some mythical wave like a surfer is going to bring back my lungs and heart and hemoglobin and memory!!!! Psychologists have said, “I can’t see you any more if you’re going to get angry.” Or, I scream, “Why do I have to try to guess what decibels and pitch and frequency of my voice will help you HEAR ME!”
I keep losing things I never even knew I had, or had no idea were a commodity, once all the steamrollers get on a bandwagon and see that you’re vulnerable. Sharks come out of the woodwork when you’re down and out, and fraud appears on every card, in lots of transactions, because they think they can get away with it. Because of placement of onuses, too, people find ways to take advantage of you, even when a transaction isn’t your responsibility at all. “Oh, there’s someone who is down and out – - let’s kick Her and get money from Her! She’s Ripe!”
One of my friends said months ago the only thing missing from the drama in my life is the soundtrack. If I live to write about it I’m going to have to call it fiction, CAUSE NO ONE IS GONNA BELIEVE IT! Move over Grapes of Wrath. There ain’t nobody sittin around no campfire singing defiant songs. But hopefully some Culture and stories will come out of this new “Second Great Depression,” but really, rather, I wish that HEADS WOULD ROLL! I believed the whole “home is your best asset” mythology/bullshit that everybody else did and that someone bragged about in a state of the union address. And my mortgage was NOT adjustable, and if it was, noone should be a scapegoat. Let’s start asking who, what, when, where and why did this happen, this economic sinkhole, and stop blaming the “adjustible mortgage” little guys, and get some good old fashioned justice. Then maybe I’ll feel a little less powerless, and a little more “in control.” Let’s start holding the greedy people accountable for their actions. And remember history and NEVER LET THIS HAPPEN AGAIN! AND LET’S GET IT OVER WITH. NOW! I’M TIRED OF THE CONTINUING SIPHONS!!!!!!!! THEY’RE STILL SIPHONING ME. WHEN ARE THEY GOING TO STOP!!!!! I’M BROKE. I’M SICK. WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT? WHAT MORE CAN YOU ASK ME TO GIVE YOU? (Unfortunately submitting on blogs isn’t helping anger, either….)
Dear Dr. Aletta:
Thank you for a wonderful article with many great tips. This is exactly in keeping with a new video blog I recently started at http://drjohnsblog.wordpress.com. It offers free online anger management classes to help teach men the latest ways to turn down the volume on anger.
Keep up the fantastic work!
John Schinnerer
Losing the value of your stock or 401k, or having to sell one of the family SUVs or cancel your vacation to Jamaica is much different than losing the roof over your head, having your utilities shut off, or an inability to pay for medical care-while no one will hire you for a job. No mercy is given to anyone.
It’s demeaming to hear suggestions that relaxation and meditation techniques can get you through it. Why do you think vodka was popular with the Russians-because they were unaware of meditation techniques?
A great tip to manage anger is to express your anger early in the anger cycle. With awareness, let your anger out using words to express why you are angry. First you must work on self-awareness so you know in the moment when you are becoming angry. Before you get to a 5 on a 10 point scale of anger, address the anger before you escalate into a rage. Instead, be conscious of your anger. It’s the only way to figure out exactly what is making you angry. This step involves learning appropriate assertiveness where you can identify what you need and share that need with others in a nonthreatening way. This approach is far better than either sitting on your anger and stuffing it down. It’s also been shown to be more constructive than exploding in a rage which often spirals out of control. Check out more great anger management tools at http://drjohnsblog.wordpress.com.
Thanks for the wonderful article!
I am equally surprised and equally saddened by posts. I was rasied by parents that taught me “life was hard”, “nothing good comes easy” and “everyone is just doing the best they can”. It seems expectations in life play a big part in how well you suffer. I was rasied by people who suffered well and had plenty of anger and guilt. Advice to meditate makes good sense because most of the problems we are all facing can’t be easily solved. Give yourself constant credit for existing in a place where its not easy. Pat yourself on the back for smiling and being mannerly to others even when you’d rather do soemthing outrageous because you can’t take it anymore. Just be nice to yourself and remember existing and being a basically good human is something to be proud of.