This guest article from YourTango was written by Tom King.
I had been working with a couple on the concept of making amends and offering one another sincere apologies for ways in which they have hurt one another. He stated truthfully that he was not ready to offer an apology that was genuine because he still was not getting what he wanted and needed in this marriage.
After further discussion, both people were able to see they have some deep roots of resentment and bitterness towards one another that they were not willing and able to release yet.
A question emerged: “If I have decent and respectful relationships with other people in my life but not in my marriage, isn’t it fair to conclude that this is just a toxic relationship?”
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Site last updated: 19 May 2013
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I like the way you teach in parable.
Of course, with kindness and loving behavior from a partner the resentment and bitterness will often wither of it’s own accord. A young child who has experienced emotional trauma will often act hatefully toward a parent to see if he or she can cause the parent to stop loving him or her. If the parent continues loving behavior the child may become more secure and stop acting out.