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Do You Have The Quality Of Keeping People Together?

Recently, when I was rereading Gertrude Stein’s The Autobiography of Alice B. Toklas, I was very struck by this observation about the French poet Guillaume Apollinaire:

The death of Guillaume Apollinaire at this time made a very serious difference to all his friends apart from their sorrow at his death. It was the moment just after the war when many things had changed and people naturally fell apart. Guillaume would have been a bond of union, he always had a quality of keeping people together, and now that he was gone everybody ceased to be friends.

The “quality of keeping people together” seems an important and rare attribute, and although it doesn’t come naturally to me, I’m trying to do a better job of it myself, and also to appreciate more the work of the Apollinaire-ish types whose efforts benefit me.

This quality has been on my mind since the sad occasion of a memorial service of a friend. I knew her in a work context, but at the service, I realized from the tributes of her college friends that, along with many other wonderful traits, she had the “quality of keeping people together” from that time.

My sister is this way, too, and from watching her in action, I know how much energy and time it takes to act like glue, to make the efforts that allow people to stay close.

2 Comments to
Do You Have The Quality Of Keeping People Together?

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  1. I’m not that good either, but I’m blessed with a partner who is. Thanks to him, we have a group of close friends for 20 years, despite living in 5 different countries over this period.
    I’m also trying to get better at this, and although I don’t want to do all the work (you are right, others tend to delegate easily and take it for granted), I try to do my fair share. It takes time and energy, but friends are so important that’s it is worthwhile.

  2. My Granny is like this. She keeps track of birthdays and has a monthly birthday party at her house. Those of us who live a little further away aren’t at as many of these get togethers as she wishes we would be, I’m sure, but its always nice to go and catch up with my aunts, uncles, and cousins.



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