In The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, written with Nan Silver, renowned clinical psychologist and marriage researcher John Gottman, Ph.D, reveals what successful relationships look like and features valuable activities to help couples strengthen their relationships.
Gottman’s principles are research-based. He and his colleagues have studied hundreds of couples (including newlyweds and long-term couples); interviewed couples and videotaped their interactions; even measured their stress levels by checking their heart rate, sweat flow, blood pressure and immune function; and followed couples annually to see how their relationships have fared.
He’s also found that nine months after attending his workshops, 640 couples had relapse rates of 20 percent, while standard marital therapy has a relapse rate of 30 to 50 percent. In the beginning of these workshops, 27 percent of couples were at high risk for divorce. Three months later, 6.7 percent were at risk. Six months later, it was 0 percent. (Here’s more on his research.)
Below are his seven principles along with a few relationship-strengthening activities to try.
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Site last updated: 20 May 2013
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Really useful insights into positive relationship skills. Thanks for Sharing!
Excellent summary of Gottman’s Principles.
it is about ten yearsthat i am married..i think we tied all of them.but it is one concept we have All the time struggle with it..and that is cheating..he says it is not cheating if I go with some one and I cant bear that…he says life is like this ..when we were just 22 we got married and we should experience life not just being with s.o but experience all life..sometimes I try to understand but my feelings does not let me believe that….and now it is about 5 months that we don’t live together ..just seeing each other some times…and I am really depend on him…hard times now
Conversation is so important in a marriage. It is necessary for everyday problem solving and conflict resolution. Marriage is a partnership that requires mutual agreement on many issues. Conflicts over friends and relatives, financial planning, time management, child discipline, and many other common problems can only be resolved if couples are skilled in talking to each other. The more enjoyable and safe the conversation is, the more likely they will find mutually agreeable solutions.