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Which Love Language Suits You and Your Partner?

The other weekend, I read Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages, and I found it fascinating. (I have to confess: the book caught my attention because it’s always clustered near, and above, The Happiness Project on the New York Times bestseller list.)

One of the tensions within happiness, for me, is that I’m both more like other people than I suppose, and less like other people than I suppose. For instance, I thought I was the only person who struggled to spend out, but now I realize that many people feel this, too. Same with drift. I’d suffered from drift in my life, but I didn’t realize how many others had also found themselves drifting.

On the other hand, it’s easy to assume that other people are like me, when they really aren’t. Until I understood the abstainer/moderator split, I couldn’t understand why moderators didn’t just give up their temptations cold turkey. Or why Eeyores clung so tightly to their worldview.

2 Comments to
Which Love Language Suits You and Your Partner?

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  1. I often introduce this concept to many of the couples I work with. It’s generally a small part of the overall counseling, though it adds understanding and can contribute to restoring positive connection.

  2. Another excellent post, Gretchen! I’m loving your stuff lol :)

    I read Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages when I was 25, and have recommended a few times since.

    It was very eye-opening, and it guided me to the flipside, which DOES not focus on expressing for others.

    The flipside is this:

    “I know, love, and am clear on my favorite ways to express love, and out of the 7 billion people on earth, I focus on attracting those who love my personal kind of ‘love-language’.”

    This is slightly more badass because it may involve making peace with certain friends or family who don’t “get you” drifting out of your life, to make room for new acquaintances.

    Not for everyone :)

  3. Gretchen, I recently read your book the Happiness Project and although you may be a “Quality Time” person…your book screamed “Acts of Service” to me 😉 Love your book by the way, and thanks to you I have successfully made it to year two of my one sentence journal!


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