Comments on
Internet Fears for Children Overblown

By John M. Grohol, Psy.D.

-1 Comments to
“Internet Fears for Children Overblown”

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1. Ben Leichtling 12:02 pm on January 19th, 2009

   Thanks for your post.

   I’m sorry the headlines on this article allow people to draw the wrong conclusions, like “Threats exaggerated.” It’s a mistake to base decisions on comparisons stating that cyberbullying isn’t much worse than other bullying. Or that it’s important to state that there’s no easy solution. What a waste of time and money.

   Cyberbullies and predators on social networking sites will be with us forever. Of course we’ll find some software to help, but you can never guarantee safety in the real world. Wanting absolute safety is the wrong approach.

   And of course there’s no easy solution. No one is really dumb enough to think there’s an easy solution. No amount of software will make the internet any safer than giving your money to Bernard Madoff or crossing the street.

   Don’t pay attention to the pseudo-science of the report. We must pay attention to our individual kids and teach them that “friends” on social sites aren’t really friends, they’re merely virtual acquaintances. Dealing with virtual people is much more difficult than dealing with people face-to-face. And we all know how difficult that can be.

   There are no safe environments. That was the message I always got from reading the great hero stories when I was growing up. And each tale challenged me to prepare myself for similar dangers.

   Schools and the real world have never been safe. I remember a biography of Harpo Marx (remember the Marx Brothers). He went to school for one day. The kids threw him out the window (first floor). He came back in. They threw him out again. After the third time he didn’t go back in. And never did again.

   Schools and social networks are testing grounds for the real world. And the real world is not and should not be safe. Facing risks and danger helps us develop good sense, good character and the qualities necessary to survive. Imagine growing up on a farm, in an wilderness village or in the middle ages. Not safe. I grew up in New York City. Not safe. Millennia ago we had to learn what a saber-toothed tiger’s foot prints looked like and how long ago they were left. The world still requires survival skills, even if different ones.

   Parents have the responsibility to monitor and guide children and teenagers. Of course kids will object. How many of us thought our parents were right when they tried to limit what we wanted to do? We must be wise enough as parents to know best and strong enough to stand up to the kids’ anger.

   As I show in my books and CDs of case studies, “How to Stop Bullies in their Tracks” and “Parenting Bully-Proof Kids,” bullies are not all the same, but their patterns of behavior, their tactics, are the same. That’s why we can find ways to stop most of them. Sometimes, fighting is the key to success. If we don’t stop bullies, they’ll think we’re easy prey. Like sharks, they’ll just go after us more.

   When children learn how to stop bullies in their tracks, they’ll develop strength of character, determination, resilience and skill. They’ll need these qualities to succeed against the real world bullies they’ll face as adults.

   Disclosure: In addition to having six children, I’m a practical, pragmatic coach and consultant. Check out my website and blog (http://www.BulliesBeGone.com).

   Best wishes,
   Ben

   Reply

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