Showtime’s new series about a woman living with multiple personalities, The United States of Tara, soon will be a hot topic of discussion. …
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I think the MOST painful aspect of mpd/did for me as someone who has this disorder is that my spouse literally and totally refuses to believe that this syndrome exists. This means He basically is calling me a liar is totally non-supportive of my struggles to heal and find a more functional way to live with the nightmare of my past.
Shows like this may do more to discredit those of us who are truly mpd/did and set back public acceptance of us – people who have struggled their entire lives with terror and misery from long-term abuse of many types and done by many abusers in our lives. This type of coping mechanism only starts when very small children are subjected to completely overwhelming pain, fear and trauma.
They call people who gain pleasure from other people’s experience of pain sadists, think about that when you watch this show.
Thanks for the interesting topic. I have treated many people with various memory problems related to dissociative states. I agree that it is real but am glad that it is not as “popular” as it used to be.
This title is really interesting.. Thank you so much for everything. I’m follower to this website from now on. Bye for now.
I read once that the problem with DID is not having more than one personality, but having less than one personality. My personality was so fragmented that I reacted to things without being aware of myself most of the time. Nothing was integrated into a single reflective self. Therapy has helped me so much. I don’t think this is a lifetime curse, like schizophrenia. DID is treatable with therapy. It’s a delight to finally have a personality and a person to call myself.
I had an episode in 2005 that really scared me. I’m diagnosed with bipolar disorder, so suicidal thoughts aren’t that unusual in that framework…but during a very stressful period, while in a suicidal depression, I went somewhere mentally and came back to find myself holding a box cutter to my wrist. I sort of recognized it as dissociative at the time, and it was frightening enough to convince me to get out of the horrible marriage that was causing that level of stress within a couple of days. I never mentioned it to my therapist because I really thought DID was so rare that it was like Eve, Sybil…and me?? In any case I’ve never had anything like that again. Seeing the show and then watching the video on sho.com did make me think about all this in a different light, though, especially the bit about rapid cycling (which I do) possibly being a misdiagnosis of DID. I’m not “ohmigod I have multiple personalities!!!11!” but it’s something to file away.
I have DID, though it was undiagnosed for 42 years, due to a co-existing seizure disorder that was thought to be the cause of my “eerieness” and “scares.” Many years after successful brain surgery, I had recurrences of the “eerieness” (turned out to be depersonalization and derealization) and “scares” (turned out to be panic attacks). Thankfully, I have a psychiatrist-cousin who diagnosed me correctly all those years later. I am in treatment now for my 10 alters (9 living, 1 “deceased”), and am using writing and art to help me express what I’m feeling. I have a wonderful therapist, and feel this is one of the biggest hurdles to overcome en route to integration.
I describe my system as a computer, too. We all have different user accounts and some files are shared no matter what user we’re logged on as, and some we can only access if we’re logged on at the same time. But sometimes 2 or more people can be… not logged on at the same time, but more than person can be watched the computer at the same time, I guess. I’ll have to catch this show on youtube whenever it starts getting uploaded.
You can go to sho.com and watch the first episode for free, if you want.
Thought the article was a well written description of how one person experiences DID.
While the diagnosis is controversial, one must remember what causes the DID in the first place. And that should not be controversial.
I have been diagnosed with DID and it truly makes sense, more so then the bipolar disorder that some psychiatrists have told me I have.
Dissociation is a coping mechanism that seems to have gotten a rotten review…cause it can be used in everyone’s life..Perhaps not as well defined as in non-abused peoples life but yet daydreaming is considered a form of dissociation. Who in their life has not daydreamed from time to time?
For me, I have integrated a lot of the different personalities and have co-existence with all of the other ones.
I don’t lose track of time and nothing real extreme happens.
DID is not to be feared. What needs to be feared is the trauma that actually causes the person to do the dissociation in the first place.
To me, this is one of the most interesting disorders out there. As a student majoring in Psychology, I found this article very interesting. Something that was previously pointed out was the fact that a person’s spouse refuses to believe this disorder exists. As someone who has studied Psychology, I am aware that D.I.D. does in fact exist. However, it is easy to see why someone would have doubts. I have been skeptical about this myself in the past. I also found the “mirror shock” concept very intriguing. The fact that a person could look in the mirror and not recognize themselves is a very bizarre and interesting concept.
I have seen the show.
I don’t think I know how it is to life in NY because I have seen Friends and Seinfeld. What war is like because I watched MASH. I don’t think Leave it to Beaver is an accurate representation of life in the 60′s or is Lassie.
I wonder if they are going to show the flashbacks to the rapes and deaths.
thank you Heather
It’s as though I’m reading my life’s story. I’m just seen by others as really weird and/or strange. Peace Out, P
MIrror Therapy:
with your eyes, start at top edge corner and follow outline of mirror, entirely. then look in.
actually, depends on ego(s) at the time. for me, i tend to skip certain areas (lose focus).
it can be comared to whose in the mirror seeing all of the ones looking in the mirror.
peace.
lovingly embrace all parts
I was diagnosed with DID in 2001. I was seeing a psychologist for a year and a half, but-thinking back now-I can’t remember any of the session content. Lol. One of my alters stopped going to the meetings, and the psychologist replaced me with another client. I felt betrayed. I haven’t had insurance for years, and so I’ve been trying my best to cope with it on my own. It’s hard because one of my alters-Helena-cuts my hair and dyes it dark about once every three months, and I’m really trying to grow it out and keep it platinum because that’s how my husband likes it. And it’s scary when my children or husband are recalling a conversation we had, or somewhere we went, and I have absolutely no recollection of it. Sometimes I cry like a child-breathless and curled up in a ball-and I don’t even understand why. My angry alter-Tyyg-is so mean sometimes, and I watch, and am completely disgusted, but feel like I can’t change what’s going on in front of me. It feels like my life gets taken away from me sometimes. I feel sorry for my husband because I wish I could just be normal for him. He recognized three personalities right away in our relationship, but he looks sickened when I try to discuss anything about my disease with him. He almost seems angry when I don’t remember things. Lately I’ve just been staying in the house alot, and I don’t keep friends. I go through periods where I’m such a great, energetic mother and ppl person, to days where I’m sad and don’t want to go out of the house-it’s almost like I’m scared to go out. I am either binging or forgetting to eat completely. I just started drinking.. I am looking for a support system; pen pals, etc. Ppl who aren’t afraid to listen, or be my friend.
Portia, I would love to be your pen pal!
I don’t have DID, but I have always found it extremely interesting and would absolutely love to here what you have to say about. Hopefully talking about your struggles will help you get through them.
Let me know…
Molly
Portia,
I have DID and would love to be your friend…let me know.
Gayland
Portia..
I have been diagnosed since about 1998, and I understand completely about spouses not “getting it”…hence, mine left about 6 yrs ago because he couldn’t cope.
Would love to be your pen-pal and share struggles and victories!
Let me know.
Judy
Portia and others diagnosed with DID. The support that we can give one another is invaluable. I have no one except my therapist when I can afford him, but he is just a part of my recovery. We can help each other with a good listening ear, sharing the day to day struggles. Allowing a connection with others dealing with DID helps with the isolation, loneness and feeling as tho you are a alien in this world. I hope more of us can pen-pal and support each other not only with struggles but some of the funny and gifted parts of ourselves.
I am thankful to see such supportive and thoughtful comments here…like a small community has been formed. I continue through life one breath at a time and focus as much as possible on staying “in the moment.” When I feel overwhelmed I have learned to “unplug” for a few hours (sometimes a few days). The friends and family members in my life who count know that occasionally I may turn off my phone and my computer while I hide out and recharge. Since I have given myself permission to do this (for brief periods of time) and explained it to my loved ones, I am able to create a safe and guilt-free haven for myself when I need it.
If you are not giving yourself this private time in order to avoid being accused (by yourself of others) of being selfish, please hear this:
YOU DESERVE TO BE GOOD TO YOURSELF, AND you have a responsibility to yourself (and those who depend on you) to get and stay as healthy as you can.
(And I promise also that I will try to hear what I have just said!)
I have d.i.d. and I say if your S.O. doesnt believe you and refuses to understand….you would be better off alone.
I have to agree with blonde67. An S.O. who refuses to understand or help you with your coping will end up criticizing you and blaming you for things you may not even recall.
As hard as it is, we need to eliminate anything/one in our lives that is toxic.
Hi, I have never seen this show but I have had 57 personalitites and I do know they are real because they are all different and look and sound different and are different ages and sexes. I have just finished my memoir and this book has kept me and the others alive so we can work together to become whole.I did not become aware of the others until I was almost fifty years of age. I am alive and growing to wholeness everyday.
Charlotte, Congratulations on finishing your memoir–that is wonderful. I tried putting mine together in a sensible narrative, but I instead ended up going with a journal that “any” of us were allowed to write in at any time. Just retired that one for several reasons–but as you know just the act of writing about what seems crazy makes everything more manageable. I hope you’ll share some of the memoir with us here at PsychCentral. Heather B
I recently ran, not walked, to a therapist, finally willing and determined to see what’s going on. I’ve never had a therapist suggest MPD; and I’ve been searching for an answer to my issues in life via counselors, doctors, religion…for years. During these last few weeks, I find I’m nearly sick at my stomach often due to what I’m realizing I’ve adopted as coping skills. I’m just now beginning to “see.” I now notice when I am relating as someone else. During therapy I was cursing like a sailor and then another tone of voice said “trickery, it’s all trickery.” My therapist said let’s talk to whoever thinks it’s trickery. My mouth clamped shut and neither the sailor mouthed girl nor the skeptic was present – it was someone concerned about revealing it all. Here it is a few days later, and I’m still sick at the memory of the occurrence. It’s happening more every day too. I’m afraid. My sig other doesn’t want to hear about it too much – makes doubt rise. But he doesn’t deny it – he was the first one to point out my 5 year old fit pitcher. I get very little done each day although my sights are set high. I think that’s because I’m worried about how this is all going to turn out. I’ve always made so many excuses for not getting anything done with my life – and now my excuses are unraveling. I wish I had someone really smart; who doesn’t have DID, that I can relate these weird events to. Not my therapist – she has a different job. I do wish I knew other because I’d want to know if it all came together quickly for them too? Fast enough to make you feel ill? I’ve been researching. Published works are so discouraging. How come I happen to have something even the professionals doubt as credible! My internals are desperate for healing. And now they’re as confused as I am, and are debating every day as to who can take over and pull us thru. Just saying that makes me want to vomit. But it’s true. I don’t know how to get to acceptance. Thanks for listening.
I was diagnosed with DID/MPD about 10 years ago while I was in the hospital for severe depression. Thought nothing of it and never worked on the issue. Recently within the last year I have been in and out of the mental health system for depression,suicidal thoughts/attempts, anxiety and panic attacks. I now hear inner voices in my head that actually talk with another and to myself. They actually have names!! What the heck is going on? Cannot really say if I have different personalities or parts of my core personality or not. Was this doctor I saw 10 years ago correct in diagnosing me with DID?
This article was very helpful in my reasearch of did thank you Heather
I’m really glad to find your article. I was diagnosed with DID this year and I’ve been having trouble finding help or info for it. I have a great doctor and therapist. I know my life is utter chaos right now but I can’t imagine integration. I don’t see that as being ME. And my alters are pissed about the idea. Thanks for sharing your heart. It helps mine.
I too have DID but prefer knowing my people as different personalitites.I started out with 57 personalities which I came to realize at the age of 49 years. I appreciate this blog and will come back when my blog is established.I have my Memoir out and have had several literary agents tell me my book could be a best seller.Writing the book has helped in many ways. I take it one day at a time! Charlotte
This show is both good and problematic because it highlights a quite unknown disorder however it does so in a very extreme way. Most of us don’t have costume changed, makeup changed, different hair styles and props to highlight each alter. The change may be so subtle that there is nothing visibly different. This depiction sets up an expectation in non-did of extremism and may even make it more difficult for an undiagnosed did person to accept. On the positive side, more people will be aware of the emotional struggles.