This guest article from YourTango was written by Faith Deeter.
How many times have you found yourself in conversations where someone brings up their painful past? It’s the …
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I disagree…many times it is because “the past is always present”—-We don’t get over some things, and as a part of the healing journey of life, they will come to mind and we will speak of them, simply because…….there are things one never heals from.
I tend to bring up ugliness from my past when someone else brings up their past……shared pain helps…..I don’t “live” there, but I use my past to help others, as moderators of an abused survivors’ group and freshman in social work at age 65. I have made a triumph of my life and will continue. Thank you. Alice
I think the article is mis-titled. It should have been titled “How to deal with someone who throws your past actions at you.” While the author sounds slightly dismissive and patronizing talking about the accuser, the actual technique described is good for avoiding angry blame games and helping the accused understand the accuser’s perspective.
On the other hand, truly overcoming your past is different and not as easy as the article might imply. (Although I do agree that in order to overcome your past, you need a focus in the present.) To ruminate on a painful past, of course, serves no purpose but to relive pain over and over, but to move on and live in the present can be a very difficult process to learn. The past,especially a painful one, is often something you need to explore to some degree, to cleanse and to heal it, perhaps through therapy, in order to find strength and courage to live in the present.
I LOVE this comment about finding the strength to move on. My boyfriend of one year left me for three months and had other flings. We are together now and happy but I find it so hard to move past what he did. I need to accept that it happened, and live for right now. That is much easier said than done