In a movie I love, a quirky documentary called Sherman’s March, the documentary maker’s former high school teacher tells him, “As people get older, they get more like themselves. And you’re getting more boring.” I’ve never forgotten that.Like most people, probably, I have several pet subjects that I love to talk about – subjects that are sometimes interesting to other people, and sometimes not. Don’t get me started on happiness, or the screening procedures in airports and buildings, or children’s literature, or Winston Churchill, unless you really want to talk about it. (I do manage to be very disciplined about not talking about my children too much, except with grandparents.)
I made a list of signs to look for, as indicators that I might be boring someone. Just because a person isn’t actually walking away or changing the subject doesn’t mean that that person is genuinely engaged in a conversation. One challenge is that the more socially adept a person is, the better he or she is at hiding boredom. It’s a rare person, however, who can truly look fascinated while stifling a yawn.
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Great post! I know a few people I would love to hand this to… LOL
Advice that will never be heeded because the #1 characteristic of the bore is complete disinterest in whether their listener is bored or not.
.True!
I tend to say “oh” in online communication a lot when person talks about subject that I am unfamiliar with but interested in, or it is something that I want to hear but not sure how to react (telling something shocking or suprising). And yeah, people ask if they bore me.
what are other ways I can express that I am there without sounding (reading?) bored?
Gretchen, your mention of “Sherman’s March” spurred a powerful and poignant memory of another documentary by Ross McElwee, one that “starred” the very woman that you quoted in your article.
Back when I was a teenager I saw a listing in the New York Times of a documentary on public television with the approximate title of “The Girl Who Wrote Letters to Einstein”–pretty intriguing, no? (These days, I see it is entitled “Charleen”.) But as someone fascinated by psychology, you would, I think, find it unutterably compelling. Throughout the film, the viewer is dazzled and enthralled by the VITALITY of Charleen. Not merely congenial and charming, endearingly honest and humorous, she seems to embody the ‘life force’ as few people do.
Then, suddenly, shockingly,late in the film we see her swaddled in bandages. I’ll say no more, in case you wish to see the film, but will only add that in the years since, I’ve never forgotten my sadness or my sense of “Who knows what despair even the most (seemingly???) life-affirming people are capable of, and with so little provocation!!!!!”
Good information although it is subtle for people to learn. Ask anyone if they enjoyed the other person and the answer is yes if they were the talker. People love to talk and be heard. If you want to be liked more ask more questions.
I am puzzled by the fact that other people often play a game of walking around me when I am talking. First, I am facing them, then they start walking around me, and I find myself turning to make further contact with them. I thought I was making a connection, but I must be extremely boring after all. This must be their way of escape. How would I opt out of that type of conversation altogether and cross to a different part of the room?
Maybe it is not that you are boring them, but rather that you are standing too close. My neighbor and I do a kind of dance each morning while waiting for the school bus with our children. He stands to close and it is very uncomfortable for me so I tend to turn to the side a bit. We end up going around in circles. He is an interesting guy, but does not understand personal space. My husband thinks he is trying to look down my shirt. I doubt that since he does even when I am completely covered up.
Not the usual self-help – potentially a lot MORE helpful! I have another idea – one that I’ve done – and men do a lot – doing the “top this one” routine – you may be dying to tell ALL your stories relating to another speaker’s opening — but – restrain yourself. Don’t steal the spotlight.
thank you for this one, I am not very good at socialising having had an odd childhood, and find it very difficult to understand mild social cues, including working out that somebody is bored. Any more of these? They could be compiled and listed as Social Clues: A Guide To Socialising With Other Adults. Please?
Well,very interesting stuff……will alwaiys keep that in mind
True I like them