Another downside to trying to over-control your child’s behavior has been discovered. Parents who do so may put their child at greater risk for obsessive behavior.
The new research examined 588 musicians and athletes, ages 6 to 38, who ranged from amateurs to experts in …
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My parents pushed me to continue with certain sports. After I had played basketball for a few years, i lost interest and just didn’t want to tryout for the next year. My parents said i would regret not playing if i quite and said i had to play basketball because they had already sent in the money in for basketball summer camp (it was refundable). this was typical for other activities i was involved with. and sports i was good at, i was pushed harder at, to the point where the “fun” was gone and playing felt more like a job. i have always felt (even into my adult years) that i always have to please my parents or else i get their disapproval. btw, i ended up regretting that i wasted my time playing basketball.
i’m looking forward to the study to be published this fall.
My sibling pushes my 10 year old nephew to play basketball (even though he proclaims he does not, which is typical of defensive parents) and makes this utopia in his life. Essentially, his personal interest in fulfilling his own past dream is what motivates his controlling behavior over his own child. In fact, this child really seems to love music and art; however, because of something he (i.e., the father) didn’t do as a child…he is living through his sons life. At 10-years of age, my mother always allowed me to choose my path and in that I think it allowed for me to become a free thinker, independent critical thinker, and responsible young child and teenager.
As an adult, I now see just how much good this did me and I’m now able to look back at my moms parenting principles and respect them enough to pass them on to my own children one day
Growing up my mother always pushed me toward academic achievement. Sure, my sister and I are both academically gifted, and it’d be a shame not to make use of that, but I grew up feeling like my mother only loved me for my academic acheivements. I became a perfectionist and still find it hard to persist at things when I’m not good at them instantly. At school I was not allowed any free choice: we were forbidden from watching most sorts of TV, and I was discouraged from sports, music, art, home economics and even maths and science because I either “had no talent” or else those things were seen as “a waste of time.” I chose my career to please my mother, but I don’t enjoy it and now finally an independent adult I am honestly struggling to work out what I DO want to do, because I’ve never had that much freedom before.
My mother also pushed me for academic excellence throughout my schooling career. In high school I was not allowed to go have early release or late arrival, go to the fantastic foreman program our school offered nor play the sports I wanted to. I had wished to try many different sports which my mom called “Sporty Sports” and discouraged greatly. I was always told I would fail at sports and that only adapting my mind would be a suitable thing for me. She pushed me through full scheduled days with mostly all AP classes. She told me what classes were for the “dumb kids” which I was not allowed to take…She restrained my social life as much as possibly saying there was always school work to be done. If I got a B it should be an A if I got and A it should be an A+, nothing was ever good enough for her, so it was never good enough for me. I am now obsessed with my grades but have strayed away from that being the major focus of my life. Once she tried to choose my career…that crossed the line.
Hi, I’m a TBI (traumatic brain injured) survivor who has made an extraordinary come back in life, due to my mannerly behavior, love for learning and desire to get ahead no matter what the risk may be. Throughout my years growing up, after this disability hit me, at age 9 I was well liked by my teacher’s because of the studious conduct I brought to their class. My dreams during high school were to follow my mother’s foot steps, who just entered college at age 40. However, I’ve been wearing a set of braces on my teeth for the past 6 year’s, here at 2008, and I have to get them taken off by an orthodontist, not a dentist. Furthermore I’ve accomplished marathon’s of achievements over the years that I hope to share with both psychological and medical teams of doctor’s who are knowledgeable with TBIs and seizures.
Great information. In my practice I have seen quite a few adolescents that have lost the joy of competing in sports or arts because of parental pressure. At other times they give up something they love because of rebellion against their parents. Still, we don’t want to go to the other extreme and not expect hard work and effort.
For many years I stood by and wached my niece grow up albeit from “far away”. As her Aunt I was never really allowed to take her to the movies, shopping or spend weekends together with my family. On the other hand, my three children were always going over to my siblings house on weekends and now that my son is almost 16 years old, I find it demeaning to me that my sibling would treat me this way.
I have been checking out why she and her husband have this “obsessive attitude” about their only daughter. They always say how “busy they are” “How her daughter doesn’t act well with others”, for petes sake I am family for all of that.’
I have always “shared” my kids with my sibling and never questioned her nor her husband for years, now I find it offensive and hurtful. I don’t know what to make of it. If anyone out there has had this type of problem, etc. Please let me know. I am really curious as why she treats us all this way. I have another older sibling that she treats this way too. The only one she does have a close relationship with.
It sounds like your sibling does not approve of you as an adult role model for her/his children.