I love hearing other people’s ideas for resolutions, Personal Commandments, Secrets of Adulthood, and the like.
A while back, when I ran into an old family friend, he said, “Let me tell you one of my personal secrets for happiness: Control your exit.”
“‘Control your exit?’” I asked blankly. “What exactly does that mean?”
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Great post Gretchen, I had never ever thought of happiness in that way before. I can understand that some people would be happier in ‘controlling their exit’ but I am also a great believer in making the most of situations. I think it is going too far to say don’t have people over. Entertaining makes me very happy but I also am quite happy to ask someone to leave if it is getting too late.
I do like to drive to where I am going too. I think this is more a control thing than a happiness thing.
To health & happiness
Dee
I stayed in situations longer than I should have……but I DID “exit” after 36 years of abuse…The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans facilitated my escape/exit.
I am sometimes the poster child for indecision…supposedly a Libra trait (although I don’t believe everything I read)…everything I read about the Libra personality…..is true for me.
It took me “forever” to decide to buy a new refrigerator or get the old one fixed….you would have thought it was a question of U.S. security, or I was adopting a baby, LOL, LOL
P.S. I got a new refrigerator, even though I didn’t want to…..I was trying to think responsibly.
This is sooo true and I’m quite certain that a lot of people need to be able to control their exit. there is some sense of control that comes with it.
Wonderful advice! I discovered years ago that having an exit strategy enhanced my enjoyment of social events. Maybe I’m a control freak, but if I can leave when I want to I’m never stuck in a situation where I am bored or made uncomfortable by other people. Having an exit strategy on life may not be a bad idea, either.
Controlling your exit is very important to me. It’s why my husband and I meet people for dinner or a movie or whatever. We rarely have people over to our house. Call us antisocial if you must but it is with a sigh of relief for us to know that we need not stay if we do not want to.
I recently explained to my depressed daughter two very important rules to live by to help keep depression at bay.
1. Leave when you want to
2. Do not go somewhere that you really do not want to.
She would commit to doing something or going somewhere she really never wanted to and then become very depressed as the event got nearer. That has to go out the window. So I am a firm believer in these rules!
Perhaps a corollary might be — a good relationship check is to see if your and your “other” can agree on an exit strategy! It’s pretty infuriating – or excruciating – when one is ready to be gone, but the other hanging on….
The playwright Harold Pinter was at a dinner party where Lady Antonia Fraser, the writer (married with 6 or 7 children)was talking to him.
When she was about to leave, he said,”MUST you go?”
She stayed,& so began a lovely romance & marriage .
So sometimes knowing when not to exit is important.
….and,by the way,the title of her book about them is “Must You Go?”
Another important transition is Entrances.
It’s important to be aware of how/whether you choose to control both of these.
If you want an experience or situation to go a certain way, then prepare for it by entering as you wish to go on. And exit – or end – it as you wish to continue. Otherwise, don’t be too surprised if it doesn’t play out the way you hope.
Setting your intentions and expectations are 2 very important markers of how something will go. For quite a few of my clients, developing this proactive approach helps tremendously.
This is a late response, but that is how I am. I am visually disabled, do not drive, and am always feeling like a package when the time comes to leave. There is usually a discussion about who is taking me home. I hate that part. I have been stuck places for way too long many times and hate it. This has caused me to not go many places anymore in the first place. If I attempt to call a taxi, my family won’t let me. Once I pulled the taxi deal off and no one knew, til I said bye. They were not happy I went home that way. I sure was.
beans