In order to confront the pervasive stereotypes about youth and what it means to get older, professor and author Wendy Lustbader draws on her decades as a social worker with elders and their families to present a message contrary to the one blasted over every media outlet: life gets better with age!
In her book, Life Gets Better: the Unexpected Pleasures of Growing Older, Lustbader defies all conventional logic and discusses the process of getting older as an adventure in personal discovery and increasing vivaciousness.
Here is an interview about her new book.
1. What are some of the specific ways in which life gets better as we get older?
Wendy: First, our self knowledge becomes more extensive, and from this we become more adept at asserting our opinions and preferences. Then we start bungling our relationships less often because we gain a further understanding of our own and others’ motives, needs, and feelings. The benefits of clear communication also become increasingly apparent.
Gradually, we come to make better decisions, using the hard-earned benefits of hindsight. We look back at our earlier mistakes and misadventures, weighing our choices on the basis of experience rather than conjecture. We gain a much greater grasp of the mixture of luck and diligence required to live a good life. We know so much more about what contentment looks like and how to seize it when we can. Often, a wonderful kind of freedom and courage emerge from this consciousness.
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Glad everything is getting better for Wendy. Starting with age 45 my life has consistently gotten worse and worse.
1. My physical health went to pot.
2. I literally went psychotic and suffered major depression which developed into a bipolar 1 diagnosis. The meds made me fat and I lost all my hair. I had a lot of ECT and while it brought me out of severe, deep, psychotic depression, I now have memory and cognitive problems and had to retire early.
3. As you age, close family members and friends begin to die off and it’s really hard to handle. 4. You start examining your past life and regretting things you have done or didn’t do but you can’t change the past.
5.You think about the future but it doesn’t look very bright – you’re broke, sick, living in isolation. You want to be with others but you feel empty and there isn’t much there to give and share with the few people you do have contact with.
6Your health deteriorates and the doctors just say it is a part of getting older.
7. You try to live in the moment and think in a positive way but…
For the lucky, life may get better as you age, but for some aging is just not a lot of fun.
As you age, each day may not get better; but at least you can try to appreciate the fact that you do have another day to appreciate.
Hi Wendy,
Yes! Life does get better if you become pro active in making new friends. Too many people I know sit there watching their life go by. At age 80 I can’t find enough hours in the day to meet new people. I have written several grand parenting books including “Mingle Roots A Guide For Jewish Grandparents of Interfaith Grandchildren.” My new book is a guide to help seniors make new friends whether they are active or housebound. I give talks to try to inspire seniors to try new things.
Regards, Sunie Levin