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The Myth of ‘The One’ and Other Relationship Fantasies

By Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S.
Associate Editor

The Myth of The One and Other Relationship FantasiesPsychologist Jason Seidel, Psy.D, has heard partners lament all-too often: “This isn’t the person I married” or “I’m worried this person isn’t perfect for me.” And you know what? They’re probably right.

But there’s more to relationships than a partner who remains the perfect fit your entire life. Seidel explains more about the myth of the perfect partner and other relationship fantasies.

1. Myth: Your partner will always be the one.

Fact: There is no “once-and-for-all best match,” said Seidel, founder and director of The Colorado Center for Clinical Excellence in Denver. People and relationships rarely remain static. So that once great fit may “become broken, stale or wrong for [you].” In fact, according to Seidel, as you continue to grow in your life, you might even change who you’d pick as your partner.

4 Comments to
The Myth of ‘The One’ and Other Relationship Fantasies

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  1. The problem is, it’s not such a myth.

    We all know couples who say that their lives were changed when they met the right person for them. The person with whom the fit was right on all fronts, from sexual to religious and everything else.

    I know a woman who swore that she would never marry. Then she met the right guy, and they’re happily married now for twenty-five years, in a completely (as far as I know, but I don’t see any reason why they’d lie to me) monogamous relationship.

    Maybe these people aren’t perfect partners. But they’re close enough to it for life. With the right partner? The things that would be resentful irritants and roadblocks for another pair of people because just another obstacle to overcome.

    It’s not politically correct to write what I just wrote. But that doesn’t make it any less true.

  2. Well, if the above was correct, perhaps nobody should really bother and get into a relationship.The first “myth” contradicts the explanation below it. The writer affirms that we should look for a partner who’s willing to communicate and adjust, a partner who’s genuine and whom we can trust and a partner with whom we agree on main issues and key values. Surprise, this is “the One”!I don’t know anybody who thought having doubts is a no-no. And if one is complete already, why do they need a partner? The opposite of completeness is not being desperate and alone. My opinion is that the truth lies in the middle.dS

  3. The union that looks like a perfect couple to an outsider may have gone through many changes, some painful, over the years. No one can ever tell what is really happening in a relationship except those who are in it – and even then there are 2 sides. I think the advice in the post is good – and may encourage people to take reasonable chances to build relationships with potential partners, rather than expecting a prince – or princess – made only for them, and focused on their needs. We need relationships because we have a need for intimacy; we do this best when we are at least [relatively] strong and whole.

  4. As there is no perfect person, perfect relationship doesn’t exit either. The human being only looks for ‘the other one’ to attach and feel safe. The baby attaches his/her mother to feel secure and be sure that he/she will be looked after. The same process works for adult’s relationships and the attachment determines the length of it.

  5. I know this is few month old, but I was disappointed by the negative comments on what I thought was a nice little piece of wisdom, unfortunately the case with wisdom is it’s only gained after a good hard look at the all the facts we have. There really isn’t ‘the one’, there is an immeasurable number of people who we are capable of connecting with, typically people stop once they come across one of those under the right circumstances (even if circumstance don’t seem right, if you make a relationship out of it it was right). So it’s not that there is only one, people just stop once they have one, well monogamist do. I’m surprised polyamory hasn’t been mentioned yet as proof to debunk this myth.

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