“For many people, an affair is deeply traumatizing [and] some marriages can’t recover from it,” said Jason Seidel, PsyD, founder and director of The Colorado Center for Clinical Excellence in Denver. But if you decide to work on your relationship post-affair, you must accept a hard truth: Another affair can happen. This is the paradox of healing, Seidel said.
Often, partners who’ve been cheated on will demand full access to their spouse’s email, cell phone records, Facebook and other accounts (or they’ll sneak around to get the access), he said. They see this as legitimate and essential to helping reestablish trust in the relationship. A common belief is “How could I ever trust you again unless you give me full access?”
While this thinking is understandable, it simply doesn’t work.
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Site last updated: 21 May 2013
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I absolutely love your post on “How to heal after an affair and rebuild the relationship.
Couples need to be aware that there is much work in recovering from the truama of an affair in their relationship, but that it is possible to have heal and rebuild the relationship.
I especially liked your caution that partners need to “relinguish control over their spouse’s behaviour”.
An excellent and very insightful article!
Thanks,
Yvonne Finn
I agree with you post as well. I know that being cheated on is one of the worse feelings anyone could endure, but i notice that people are willing to leave everything behind in order to save themselves from being hurt. Which inevitably ends up hurting them even more? Love is a very complicated emotion which can lead you to make decisions that are charged off emotion in order for couples to grow together and become stronger they must acknowledge the fact that what “Happened-Happened” and whether or not they are willing to work through the situation together. Once this is established the couple will become stronger.
Ray B Hill
Associates of Psychology
I was cheated on and was one who never thought it would happen to me. My partner has always been very devoted and I was devastated when I found out. He was always one who swore he would never have an affair and was openly critical of those who did. My husband left me for the person he was involved with. After several weeks he asked to come back. I was/am an emotional wreck. I still love him but the trust is gone. They work together and he still sees her at work each day. She also went back to her husband but then left him again and expected my husband to go with her. He told her it was over but he does still have feelings for her. I am trying to detach myself from the emotional baggage that is hanging on from his affair. He thinks we can carry on as before but I have doubts as to whether or not he will stay with me in the future after what has happened. We are working on repairing our relationship but the road is rocky.
I feel the same way as any other woman do with heartbreak before i met a DR. My issue is with his co workers he always text them even after I told him how I feel about it. He will stop for while and then start all over. He always tells me how fat and old these woman are but I did know that he uses that as a deterrent for me not to think negatively about him having dates with them. Today I have now found out he is setting up lunch dates with one of them. I no longer can take it. Why did he just leave? I do not understand why he keeps doing this to me. He even comes home late after work now and he finally went away and broke up with me, well i been at psychic for help but all the same. what should I do? until my friend introduced me to a someone that assisted to reunite her husband. get the him with Getyourexbackcharm@ gmail. com you can contact him.