Every treatment has its downsides. Medications have side effects and it can often feel like a revolving door trying to find one (or a combination of a few) that work for any particular person. And while medications’ side effects are well-publicized, few articles are written …
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Wow! What a super article. I wish I had known years ago that #1 was okay, I’ve had too many #4s, #6 has kept me from going back at times (like now), and the heading of #7 made me laugh out loud. I truly think a therapist who walks a few steps away from the center line is a gift. Empathy comes more easily and thinking is understood.
Thanks.
Great article, but I think therapists often acknowledge that the relationship is very unusual. That comes up frequently.
This is one of the best articles regarding therapy / therapists that I have ever read. These are all things that come up in the relationship, yet some of them are never acknowledged.
Really good article. I wish everyone who goes into therapy with this information. It should be on the informed consent information. I dread the day when I leave my therapist (funny, after continuing to think that he is going to leave me).
I’ve known my therapist since 1987 and have been in treatment except for five of those years and generally saw him 2 -5 times per week. And, at one point 6-7 hours per week because an hour wasn’t enough. Now, I’m only 4 days/4 hours. We’ve watched and helped each other grow…the thought just terrifies me.
But, I did have to shop around a lot…for more than a year or so.
I’ve always said therapy should come with a warning label.
Most therapists neglect to explain the process from beginning to end. They want the therapy to be mysterious so they can build an attachment from patient to therapist. It isn’t meant to be devious but it should be explained.
Then, some will punish patients for thinking the relationship is more than it is.
my guess is many therapists can’t handle the attachment and make it the patients issue.
I believe that many therapists think that ending therapy can be handled in a few sessions and off you go. Perhaps for them it is easy, for the attachment is not there, but for the patient it has become so much more than that and a pat on the back combined with the words good luck is in no way closure.
I think you have to “click” with a therapist, in much the same way you “click” with someone on a date. Deep in your heart, you know right away if he/she is the right therapist for you because he/she “gets” you. Often, this comes down to whether you both have the same sense of humor. I’m not saying that this should be a substitute for finding out about a therapist’s credentials or treatment modality; it should come at the very end of your assessment. You’ll have a lot to cry about during therapy–with the right therapist you can also find moments to laugh.
Wendy Aron
author of Hide & Seek: How I Laughed at Depression, Conquered My Fears and Found Happiness
http://www.wendyaron.com
I wish that I had read this article when I started therapy, it would have saved me a tremendous amount of emotional pain. My first therapist bullied me, and when I finally terminated treatment, I found myself suicidally depressed with no back up. Fortunately, my new therapist has been a life saver.
My brother was voted “Therapist-of-the Year” in the hospital where he works. He and one other shrink were chosen by that hospital to come to NY and do grief counseling in the immediate aftermath of 9/11. (They came home a 5 AM, crashed on my living room floor, and looked devastated, night after night.)
He also has a successful private practice and I just know there are patients suffering the agonies of transference for him. And for what? He’s a walking fruitcake.
I’ve been a patient, have idolized my doctors (sometimes) but see the other side because of my brother. He called a while back to wish me a happy birthday and then said, “Gotta go. Got group therapy with a room full of nut jobs down the hall — ugh!”
How many of my therapists have said the same thing about me? I cringe to think.
Excellent article. Very good point about how many clients waste their time with therapists who they don’t click with, when they should be changing therapists.
I don’t know why so many clients are scared to change, even when it isn’t working.
Thank you for this excellent article, John. It’s very insightful and well-written.
I once read that 40% of clients do not attend their second session.This could mean that they recieved some insight from the first session or they decided not to continue for whatever reason. Some may want collusion and we all know that this is not very helpful. They may be frightened of challenge,so tend to stay safe. Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t.
Regards
Dawn pugh
http://www.dawnpugh.com
I love that last point: “Therapists can be just as crazy as any of their clients”
I totally agree. I’ve had many patients tell me about nightmarish relationships with their therapists in terms of how they were disrespectfully treated, how their therapists projected on the patient their own issues, etc.
I’m not saying that I’m beyond my own dysfunctions but I do agree that every clinician has “crap” of their own. Sometimes it seeps through in a therapy session. That’s unfortunate.
Samuel Lopez De Victoria, Ph.D.
http://www.DrSam.tv
I agree with the idea that 1 session might be all a person needs… Sometimes clients just need one session to vent, and that’s it. Thanks for a great article!
great article overall. I am a therapist. I do both individual and groups, and also run groups on choosing a therapist…ask questions! Including if you are struggling with something specific like eating disorders or chronic illness…what is their experience?
Just a side note though. There have now been studies though… And for individual therapy studied show 50 to 60 min sessions accomplish the same amount as you would in longer seasons..
Of course these are subjective, and I an sure if you found someone who really wanted to price the opposite, you might be able tho find that person. Often family, couples, group, and arty therapies are a bit longer….
I think this is a great article. Still even years later very relevant, especially as growth in the industry continues. It provides a very human side to both the therapist and client. I wish that many others adopted / acknowledged these same considerations.
I really like your thoughts around side affects because you’re right maybe like medication, not everyone will experience the same affects, there are many things impacts of engaging in psychotherapy. It would be great if this was seen as equal in importance to confidentiality and other such contract agreements that are acknowledged and signed at the commencement of therapy.
That’s for promoting such a good message.
Michele