Not surprisingly, people who suffer from depression often have difficult romantic relationships — when they have them at all. They tend to take out their depression more on their partner than they would a stranger or friend.
In a relationship where one person is depressed, depressed individuals have a “higher tendency than non-depressed individuals to repeatedly ask for reassurance, demand support in a hostile manner, and display negative behaviors, such as a reduced tendency to smile. Consequently, depressed individuals often burden or alienate their partners.”
People in romantic relationships can typically infer and understand their partners’ thoughts and feelings with a fair amount of accuracy. Even in complex social interactions, couples often know what each other is thinking about the situation. A new study suggests that depression can alter this empathic accuracy in women, but not in men.
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This article is so true in my marriage. After being diagnosed with MDD, PTSD and Anxiety after my childs murder, I found and continue to experience a “lack of empathy” on the part of my husband. The more I demand it from him the worse he gets. I as I’m sure I am not alone, feel that I should not have to ask for empathy, it should be a natural feeling, but find from many women that this is just not the case. What’s up with that? Men are so ingrained to hide Thier tears and feelings for so long that maybe it has become part of thier genetics?
I know saying im sorry about the murderwill come as empty words, so I will tell you thaht men are reluctant to open up totally to women , because when we do the results are nowhere near what we were told they would be. so back into our shell we retreat.respectfully yours Patrick
Well, great – as a woman whose depression is seriously negatively impacting my relationship, what do I do with this info? Other than seek treatment and pray that my boyfriend doesn’t dump me before I figure it out? Or just resign myself to the fact that my mental illness makes me practically undateable?
Dear Anne,
Just because we are depressed now does not mean we will be depressed forever. It has required hard work with a professional counselor, good meds, & lots of Love from Jesus. This is just a suggestion, read Jeremiah 29:11 in the New Living Testament until you believe it. I still read it even today. God may find us broken; He does not leave us the way He finds us. He heals us. Sometime the healing process take time. REM: Are best days are ahead of us, not behind us.
Researchers tested their hypothesis in a laboratory experiment that depression might impact our ability to accurately infer our partner’s thoughts and feelings by examining 51 couples who had been living together for a minimum of 6 months.
l totally agree with you admin.depressed couples must find solutions through the use of natural depression remedies that works.
@Anne – As a woman battling major depression for decades, I empathize with your comment a great deal. Article like this which are meant to ‘inform’ actually do a great deal of damage, because they point to a disturbing conclusion and then — NOTHING. Depression has interfered with my relationships in the past, but so have the issues and moods of the partners I’ve been with. I’m now in a long-term relationship with a partner who also has depression – it’s not easy, but we have learned and are still learning how to handle each other’s moods, and the problems that happen when they collide. Don’t give up.
IRL – thanks for the support, I appreciate it…it helps to know that others are struggling with similar issues, and even better to know that people have some success dealing with it.
I have been married for 19 years, and have had major depression for that long and longer. My relationship with my husband has gotten colder the last couple of years, especially. He is tired of my depression and doesn’t understand it. He thinks I can “snap out of it”. I don’t blame him at times, but I get tired of dealing with it too. I get no empathy from him. He doesn’t like me going to therapy, but I really don’t have anyone to talk to with a nonjudgmental attitude. Sure, I can talk to him but he usually has some negative input.
I’m a woman but not having any depression. However, my husband does. Your research shows that depression in man doesn’t affect their empathic accuracy. Is it really true? In the case of my husband, he seems quite inaccurate in his empathy towards me. He has all the symtoms of a person suffering from depression. What can I do to help my marriage?
I absolutely have seen this in my marriage. I am doing better with my depression via online therapy and ACT therapy, and am seeing a HUGE improvement in my marriage. The saying, ‘when Mom is unhappy, everyone is unhappy’ seems to have some truth to it after-all! I also have Asperger Syndrome, so when I’m depressed with my negative glasses on I really am unable to read others much at all. Though, I’d refer to my lack of understanding others on Mind-blindness, rather than lacking empathy. Thanks for the though provoking post!