Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) is a childhood disorder that affects anywhere from 6 to 10 percent of children. It is characterized by a negative set of behaviors in a child directed toward the adults in their life, and can sometimes be mistaken for disorders that share some characteristics, such as conduct disorder and even attention deficit disorder.
The diagnosis of Oppositional Defiant Disorder is given by mental health professionals to describe a set of behaviors a child is exhibiting that include:
- Often loses temper
- Argues with adults and authority figures
- Refuses to comply with adult requests
- Blames others for his mistakes
- Deliberately annoys people
- Is easily annoyed by others
- Is angry/resentful and spiteful/vindictive.
Sound like a child you may know?
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Site last updated: 19 Jun 2013
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well my four year old son has just been diagnose with ODD i just wanted to know will he have ADHD when he gets older……..this is sooooo new to me i have never heard of ODD………
These psychiatric disorders are invented in response to societal demands and have NO scientific basis whatsoever. That is why the etiology is so vague. It is why any specific disorder comes into fashion and later goes out of fashion. The definitions are full of ideological value judgments. Anarchists, for instance, would see defiance and opposition as highly positive behaviors. And anyone except an extreme authoritarian will see the ability to defy and oppose as necessary and valuable in face of injustice. Not that it is easy to live with an extremely argumentative child, but such behavior may reflect greater than usual concern with rationality and equity, a need to be convinced by reason rather than comply automatically. In any case, this is a social, even a political problem, a problem of interpersonal relations, not a medical or psychiatric condition. How about a “conformist disorder”?
Well said…Some may say that you have “too much intelligence disorder.”
For all of the statments made above! I think that yes you may have a point that we as a society have made the choice to take the pill instead of put the time in to try and see what life is like from the other side. I am at fault for this exact fault! I too have a daughter who is 8 with ADHD and ODD and I understand from a parents side what it is like to live with a child with such conditions! It has been three years now I have been living in this crazy hell…. For everyone who can make the comments that it is just a fade, it may be that some of the parents out there just want there kids to be silent and listen. For some of us like myself I have tried may all natural remidies, meditation, sociel workers in hopes to help my daughter find a way to have a peace with herself! I can deal with crazy!!!! I have come to realize that my daughter needs a lot more activities and room to move and run out all her energy. I made a choice to sacrafice some of my world to give her a better one. We lived in the city where everything is always moving there are sounds all the time. With a child like mine this drives her to a point that she can not calm down. I now live in the country, we have ATV’s, horses, chickens and a lot of property for her to just take off and run! I no longer have the crazy in the house, I have given her things to do and responsibility of making good and bad choices.
I know that there are going to be good and bad times! Yelling and crying! I feel for her and wish I can tell every parent out there it gets better, but it does not! She can be distructive at times! She knows she is responsible for the damage she creats. So when she wants to freak out she knows that she can go into our old greenhouse at the back of our property and through rocks or anything that is back there until she feels satisfied and calm. We have two way radio’s so I can check in and know where she is at all times. Sometimes we as parents opt for the pill because it seems the easyer choice but it does not provide our trobled children with the tools to learn how to deal with their problems. I am not a doctor but I think that since making all of the changes from pills to our new life in the country my daughter for once does not always feel like she is confinded to 4 walls with the answer always being “NO”! Things have gotten better! She now talks to me about what is bugging her, instead of yelling and throughing things! As a pearent I say try some new things make notes dates, times, what you tried, if it was effective! Mabye you just might see a change for the better! For all of the people who made comments this is just a fade come stay at my house for a week and I promise I will make a believer out of you!!!
Good luck to all! Keep trying and hope for the best!!!
Stefan, obviously you have never had to deal with an ODD child. I have had several in my 15 years of teaching. Their pupils dialate, and there is a physical response to authority. For example, in a small group in my class, without direct adult supervision my ODD student lashes out at students trying to assist him in ANY way, or trying to exert authority over him (in the smallest ways). That is a learned behavior in adults, explain it in a 6 year old??? I take a laid back, “boys will boys” attitude in my PE classes. This kid is not confined to any societal contrants, he’s 6! I agree labels come and go. This label goes hand in hand with small types of autism for me. I believe most ADD children are labeled incorrectly because the drug companies pressure doctors for the label, but ODD, autism… nope I SEE it. The parents come in and are highly educated people (the 20 or so autism students and the 6 labeled ODD students I have taught), all of their parents have been highly educated, 100%. They are always supportive to us and we have all worked together to find the best way to help the children make it through a day without endangering themselves or another student. Your comparison of a 6 year old to an anarchist… that is baffling. Anarchist are adults, older teens. They have LEARNED to go against the grain. Ask them if they struggled in ELEMENTARY school conforming. I doubt it.
You obviously have never had a child with this disorder & I pray you never do. It is the most helpless feeling in the world. My son has 0 respect for himself or his family. He has no self-esteem. He blames the world for his unhappiness and especially me, his mother. You shouldn’t spout off on things you don’t understand!!
I totally disagree with the comment about this just being invented and having to proof. If you had a child as mine, you would see the reasoning behind this term “oppositional”. It is the hardest to be in a home where everything is always the other persons fault, (including the stupid floor because she tripped), nothing is ever good enough because it is just natural for her to oppose, everyone is liars because she “thought” we said something differently. Yes you may say, “well there must be something else wrong with her.” and there are definately other contributing factors, but anyone who has lived with a truly defiant person will understand how hard it is, and we as parents need an explantation. She is very social with friends, but authority figures are a different question. This is real, it is something she was born with, yes parenting techniques are a little helpful, but ultimately, she was born with this personality, and so far nothing has changed it. Things have made it better, but that doesn’t take away all of it. This is how she is, and I am grateful there is a reasoning behind it.
I am with Stefan. If your child is diagnosed with one of these “disorders” you are being lead down a path where (if they haven’t already) they will one day offer you a drug that will magically relieve the symptoms.
In this case remember that a child (much like all of us) is choosing the most pleasurable option for behavior. He/ she only knows this behavior because he or she has either tried it and it worked OR experimented and it worked. Caretakers who constantly argue with each other or run each other down in front of a child can set the example. Also, children of parents who are overly anxious when their infant cries can also set the stage for “rewarding” of a child who goes on to push this to extremes. Inconsistency in care takers is huge in the cause of this. Children stuffed in day care juggled between split parents and their separate care takers. They feel out of control and frustrated. Since no one person is there to see a punishment through, they find they can act out without consequence because they will be going to the next care taker soon, their “id driven” behavior is rewarded.
The “Supper Nanny” has made a career out of showing parents how to address these issues, de facto. It is the result of out “borderline society”.
First of all if u are not living this life and walkin this walk do not judge what we go thru. This is not a label this is a real disorder that does exist. Its the hardest thing a person goes thru to literately watch their child fall apart. My son is eight and i have been dealing with this disorder since he was three. Everyday is a struggle. To all the moms walkin in this life i feel u and totally relaaate. And for those who r not dont judge
Well as a mother of 2 boys. 1 has been diagnosed with ADHD and the other with ODD, and a LCSW, I can relate to the parents who actually have to deal with this type of behavior and until you have a child who has the symptoms and behavior traits, you obviously do not have a clue what it is like. My 6 year old was diagnosed with ODD at age 4 and his room looks like a bomb exploded in it with all of the holes in the walls, broke his TV, and is very impulsive with his behavior. My undergrad and grad research was on children with ADHD and ODD and learned a great deal of parenting skills to deal with the behavior and not medicate them or have them “labled” in the school system. I admit that I have tried several medications for my oldest who has ADHD Inattentive type because it helps him in school and he did receive better grades, but after a while the dosage no longer works and you have to continuously play around with medication. As a parent, I did not want all of these different drugs in my child system at such a young age, and opted to use other methods. Reading psychoeducational materials on parenting children with ADHD/ODD are very resourceful
Please share the book titles as I want to know more about non-medicated methods.
Andrea,
My six-year-old daughter has ADHD (impulsive, hyperactive and inattentive) and ODD. She does not think about the things she does. She does not seem to learn from her mistakes. She does not respond well to positive or negative discipline. My child with an IQ in the “highly superior” range, attending a gifted magnet school, is falling through the cracks because of her behavior. You said that you’ve done quite a bit of research on the topic of ODD. If you could please share any links, research, or books you have come across, I would be greatly appreciative. I am really at my wits end with my child, and I don’t believe the school has the resources to tackle this either.
Thank you,
AmJoy
I would have agreed with the comments here until I saw this up close and personal. My parents were foster parents and successfully raised more than a dozen children. Some were severely abused before living with them. Some were born addicted to drugs. But the one with ODD was born to a mom in jail for trying to kill the father who had a long history of pimping and attempted murder.
My parents arrived when she was 4 days old and until the restraining order last month, did ALL they could for 21 years.
Her troubles began not in our home but when she stabbed a child and a teacher in kindergarten. She was expelled from seven elementary schools and finally was hospitalized when she was found plotting to murder my family. Even then she was not a behavior problem other than she was intensely, manically happy. That and starting at one years old we had to tent her crib and booby trap the house so she wouldn’t break out and into neighboring homes (through the doggie doors.) To this day no one can tell how she was able to do it.
She also had a thing for getting into gooey things her diaper included and making art. Soap, poop, mud, shampoo… her walls in her bedroom were a mess. Even then i thought it was willful and almost funny. Mom? Not so much but we had support from social workers, psychiatrists, teachers, police and the mental hospital.
According to the doctors thought this “willfulness” was the beginning of a very dangerous situation and a big cause for alarm.
To make a long story short, at one point a respected teacher offered to house her for a month to prove it had to be our family. That lasted less than two weeks. A behavior psych tried the same. That also lasted less than two weeks. The scared straight volunteer lasted about nine days.
Now she you can tell when things will escalate. Not only because it does almost weekly, but she starts off in a slow simmer. Most recently her girl friend wasn’t answering her phone. There is a steady escalation and this can last for days. My mom has left the house when she cant stand it anymore. Eventually she lashes out at me first if i am there (why doesn’t Until ever get in trouble?), if I am not, my mom and the most recent time my dad finally told her she was going to have to leave. (not a single wall or door in the house has escaped her attacks).
For the first time she attacked my 68 year old father, head butting him and kneeing him in the stomach. She wouldn’t stop till the police had to straight jacket her and she was hospitalized for the third time this year.
Until you live with that…. no amount of trying, ignoring, guiding, loving, picking battles… NOTHING matters. The ONLY way to live in relative peace is if every person she comes into contact with every day gives her what she wants, doesn’t look at her too long or wrong and if she is in total charge.
I am worried for her. She was the brightest and funniest little girl but I have this horrible feeling she will hurt or kill someone or herself and very soon. She is back to plotting our murder. I just hope the police, who know us all by name now will be able to stop her.
maybe it is mumbo jumbo. Maybe it is true psychosis… a bad seed. We used to think that if you put a child in a secure and loving, stable environment and raised them consistently, even a “bad seed” could blossom. BOY were we misguided.
Too often a child is labeled ADD or something else and it is a shame but a true diagnosis is a very serious matter.
I believe the responses from Stefan and LOL this article are insensitive and I cannot imagine for a moment that they have had to deal with a child that has ODD. It is real. I have an 8-year-old that has been having problems for approximately three years. I have taken her to every imaginable doctor in the area. Hearing problems were ruled out even though I had received notices from the school that she had failed tests. She has been to two therapists, two psychologists, and a psychotherapist. ADHD was ruled out as my daughter scored in the 99 percentile on a Gifted and Talented Education test (GATE). A psychologist even went as far as saying that my child scored higher on the IQ tests that were administered compared to high schoolers. However, none of these diagnosis could explain why my child was physically ripping the hair from her head, banging her head on walls, completed homework however refused to take credit, as well as being regularly confrontational with adults & her peers. To have a diagnosis (as this was the final diagnosis given) is at least an identifier or guide so to speak for appropriate reaction to the actions. It is already a challenge for a parent to have to recognize when there is a problem, but even harder when being critisized by others that are insensitive or ill-educated.
Until you see it,
Although I haven’t experienced my daughter to the extent you described your foster sister, I am worried for the same reasons for my daughter. People are always telling me how I need to be more consistent, discipline her more, be more loving and attentive. But I am already all of those things, and more. When we went to the psychologist earlier this year, all the suggestions were given were things I have already put into play at home. They put her on four different medications for ADHD, which made things worse, rather than better…and they still wanted to find the ‘right fit.’ I called BS, and took her off all the medicine. I have been in constant contact with the teachers, principal, school-psychologist, clinical psychologist, pediatrician, psychiatrist, social worker at school, the church, my family, neighbors… NO ONE can handle my child, no one knows what to do for her, and nothing has changed. I am scared that this might be the future for my child, and I don’t know what to do to help her. I constantly cry out for help, but it seems no one has the answers. My daughter was evaluated for an IEP at school because of her behavior, yet was declined because she is not suffering academically (because of her higher IQ). It’s like the school expects me to discipline her at home, yet they don’t follow through in any way at school. You see on the news how kids and teens lash out…many grow up to be criminals. I wonder how many parents cried out for help, got no where, and finally the result was what we see on the news… Killing parents and family members, suicide, school shootings, etc.
Where are the resources for parents in my situation? Who are the professionals? Where is the evidence of the ‘tried and true.’ I can tell you what…Super Nanny doesn’t know what she’s talking about when it comes to kids with ODD.
I have to say that my hardest part is, for the most part, my child is good at other places. It is when she feels comfortable that she lashes out. This is mainly home or grandma’s. I am grateful she is good in school, but it makes others believe it is something I do. The thing that I would like to share with everyone is the book “Little Sugar Addicts” by Kathleen DesMaisons. Sugar plays a big part in my child’s attitude, especially her aggression. (She has threatened to kill us, throw a flashlight through our car window, holes in the walls…….) But when she is eating the way this book promotes (protein frequently, not going more than 3 hours without food, and definately no sugar) things are pleasant at home. She has her moments, but she can calm down. Before, we would just have to let it play its course. Sugar affected LOTS of other things with her like her sensitivity to clothes. She can only wear tight clothes like biking shorts, no socks, no tennis shoes…..Now we can get her to wear those things if the situation requires it (like running in track). This book was amazing. If you have tried everything else, give this a try. I hope it will help. This is one of the hardest things a parent can deal with, because we feel so isolated, so alone, and so worn down by the mean comments that are made. It is a heartbreaking process to see your own child go through so many hard emotions at such a young age.
I am getting to that point quickly with my 4 year old grandchild. I know that sounds absurd but it is happening. She is in dysfunctional situation that cannot be gotten out of. Her mother has virtually abandoned her to me because she is a teen mom with a troubled child that she cannot emotionally handle. This has only added to the problem. The behavior started when she was about 2 years old when everything very stable in the home. But the problems arose with similar problems of destroying almost everything in her room, playing and even eating her poop. And just like your child soaps, lotions, etc. We had to lock her in her room at night just so we would know she would be safe. Now it is escalated to a mean, bullying, child. Everything has to be put up high out of her reach. We have caught her playing with knives and other things. She will poop and smear it over her entire room, and this only gets worse with any form of discipline. I have no clue how to discipline her. One part of me pities her and the other is fed up with her antics. I have tried every form of discipline and she only thumbs her nose at it. I really don’t know what to do anymore. We have plans to see a psychologist but that appointment isn’t until after the first of the year. I don’t know what to do.
Until you see it and firesign,
The behaviors you mentioned go way beyond ODD. As a teacher of special education who has had many extremely behaviorally challenged students, some whose home school districts could not handle their behaviors, even in the most structured environments, and therefore referred these students to a residential setting, what you describe sounds more like emotional disturbance and/or bipolar disorder, as well as conduct disorder. I’ve had students who have had ODD, and most likely my three year old has it as well, and they have never done anything nearly as extreme as playing with and smearing their poop on walls. Tantrums, not listening, responding “no” to prompts, and telling adults what to do – all signs of ODD. Attacking 68 yr old grandmas- not ODD.
I’m sorry that you both have experienced these behaviors. I know from experience that sometimes when my students were totally out of control, the only thing that got them to calm down was being restrained by one to three very large behavior support specialists, who held them down until they had exhausted themselves with their very physical tantrums.
As for some of the other parents who have questioned how to handle ODD, the one thing I can say for certain is to stay cool. As soon as you start to show
anger/frustration/hurt, they will likely escalate and you will lose. Sometimes you need to take the planned ignoring approach, because in doing so, you’re not adding fuel to the fire, and their negative behaviors will fizzle out more quickly. You can also say very calmly but firmly, when they are trying to pull you into a conflict, “I am done talking to you right now. When you calm down again, I’ll be happy to talk to you, but until then, I’m done with this discussion.” and then physically remove yourself even if it is just across the room. Use logic as well, and when they do something right and/or well, make sure to give praise. Praise for good behavior is always important.
I am a youth development assist in a school, and I have a child who is ODD, and I was wondering if anyone had any advice as to help us handle her. When she starts to go into one her “rages” as we call them, we try to seperate her, one of us will play basketball with her or play cards, but I am beginning to worry that she will start acting out if she doesnt want to do somethign so she can do whatever she wants. How do I avoid this? Any advice anyone can give me?
I do get wary of the seemingly endless list of acronyms and new disorders that continue to appear -especially because they are based on observed behavior (i.e. there is no real “test” that can conclusively determine whether the child/adult has it or not).
And it’s also easy to think when reading forums like this that people are hungry for answers and too eager to label it. Sometimes I honestly think “How is it that one child can have ADHD, ODD, Sensory Processing Disorder, and be on the autism spectrum? Surely this is overkill?”
But if I take a little more abstract view, step back a bit, it starts to make sense. It’s true that the categories of disorders aren’t well defined, and there is lots of overlap between disorders, and even between disorders and so-called “normal” child behavior. But that just means the LABELING is imperfect, not the science.
It’s clear to me (as someone who was diagnosed with ADHD late in life) that many children and adults have more problems than their peers with things like executive function and response to stimuli. And though they may be present in different degrees, or take on slightly different external forms, they are REAL problems that can often be managed with behavioral therapy, routines, parental education, and sometimes, medicine.
Do I think some of these problems are caused by modern life, or only are perceived as problems in modern life? Sure, it probably plays a role. And Stefan’s concerns above might be justified if the treatment offered to kids with ADHD/ODD/etc. actually did drug/somatize them into robotic, conformist people. But even WITH treatment I will still not be the “same” as someone without ADHD, and I will have the responsibility of finding out how my own way of working can best fit into the 21st century. I chose to get treatment (including medication) so that I could do what I love without frustration, so that I could be happier and take more advantage of life —-not because I needed to “fit in.”
This comment is way too long already but I just wanted to give hope to all the people struggling with these issues right now because many of them can be managed successfully by starting early and being educated. I encourage you, though, to focus on treating your child’s behaviors, not the “disorder(s).” Even before I had an ADHD diagnosis, I knew what the problems were that I needed help with. Names and acronyms are helpful for education but in the end I think so many of the symptoms cross boundaries that it is most helpful to look at them through that lens instead.
A PS of sorts: the reason I came to this website is because my new neighbors’ child clearly has ODD. He’s charming and talkative with me but when he is in his own house or yard (I can hear clearly) he is another creature entirely. I can tell his parents are starting to get professional help and keep their cool as best they can, but it isn’t easy.
What struck me though is that even though I don’t have ODD, I recognize a lot of similar behaviors to my own childhood (with undiagnosed ADHD). A lot of these revolve around overstimulation, trying to control the environment, and an all-or-nothing/now-or-never attitude. This just prompted me to think that even though the disorders aren’t the same it might be helpful to think cross-categorically about the symptoms.
I found out last night that my 4 year old son has adhd and odd. How do you make peace with it, cope with it and handle your child. He is such a sweet child with extremly good manners and so loving? I need some advice to any parent who is going through the same thing. How do i work with him to make things better for him. Please if anyone can email me on zeldab@absa.co.za
Kindest Regards
Zelda
Well said many of you. I am the mother of a 19 year old that I have finally admitted to myself is ODD. I have loved this child and tried to raise him gently and fairly and in return he maintains his self-absorbtion and complacency. I have tried it all and failed. I am now on the verge of having to put him on the streets for his own best interest. He takes no responsibility or any interest in being responsible for his life. If I give him money to go out with his friends (we have always beleived maintaining his friendships would help him through) he says he doesn’t ask for the money, I just give it. Even in this, he won’t take responsibility for his needs but will simply put it all onto me. If anyone has any pearls of wisdom, please share them as I am desperate. I have a sister in her 50′s with 2 kids who is still financially dependent on our parents (who are angry with me because I won’t financially support her) and I don’t want this for my son…
Mum19
I have worked in a psych hospital for years, in fact they opened a unit for ODD for a short period of time……one osychiatrist told em there is no meds for spoiled kids. I too have a 20 yo spoiled brat, he always got his way and was good at everything he did. Now that he is 20 he is not the best at everything and he just cant handle it, that is how i see it. He blames others for his life. Lat night he punched a hole in my wall, i told him he cant live here if that behavior continues, i have spent endless countless hours tealking with him, and offering ideas and advice. Now his latest thing is i am gonna kill myself (o plan). He just thinks that is how he does not have to take resp for his own behaviors. He failed some subjects in college (classes he missed), but refuses to take resp. stating its the prof. fault. OMG, i am so ready to kick this kids a–. I myself would diagnos him with border line pers dis. lucky me! They r the most ungrateful people on earth. God forgive me i love my son, but i am at my witts end with the rage! He talks about his childhood like he was reading a bad book, ad that was not the case at all, he had it all….maybe too much! My older son told me mom he does not do this when u and dad r not here (on vacation and such). So is it the WOW factor he gets from me and hubby?
i’m sorry but what so odd is that this kind of behavior is not odd its actually natural in all children’s actions,granted more prevalant in some than others but the same nature.My name is rick allen and have eight children ages 34 years to 2 years of age. 4 boys and 4 girls and its usally the boys that use this behaviour get their way,and a reaction of submission from mom and dad to establish his or her position of controll,yes some children want this more than others and thats where the challege begin,this type of child is more persistent and diligent in the fight for controll, and demands to win at any cost,this sometimes causes the parents to wear down over time and compromise.now that he 20 instead of 2 the solution the problem is different, no longer feed into his issues it time for him to learn that his life on earth is for others and never about self.and what better place to start than at home it is time for him to have compassion to understand what his is going through with your medical, command he does it.May God bless.
How can i tell the difference between poiled brat and ODD? as i said my son is 20 yo, and has outbursts of anger and blame, on me my husband and himself. Mostly us. He refuses to take resp for things in his life. He acts like we have been on welfare all our lives (NOT) and feels my husband and myself should take resp, for all his wants. We pay for college, that he failed many classes and refuses to believe its his fault. He is very smart, and manipulating (to me). I am at my wits end he punched a hole in the wall last night because of girl problems. I always handle him with kid gloves, i tried tough love, not working. I am a counselor, so i treat him like a pt. half the time. I do not think there is any med for a spoiled rotten kid, lol, but is this really the case. Thinking of getting him St. John’s Wart? Do not wasnt to have him labeled and started on meds. My older son says i feed into him too much, and that he does not act out like this when i am not around, i assume i give him a WOW reaction that he feeds off of. He calms down after a half hour or so. I think my diagnosis of br. ca. last April has made this behavior escalate even though i will be fine and i have reassured him several times of this. I have never missed a beat even in chemo. Always been there for him, but come on now he is 20! Could this just be a delayed adoles, behavior?
I have a 19 year old stepson who came to live with us at 9 years of age after having been with his biological mother previously. His mother’s parenting style and ours were/are at polar opposites. He had rules while he lived with us, we rewarded his achievements and gave groundings for punishments when needed. He would not listen, he argued, he physically attacked (to the point of 2 arrests) my husband and I, he blamed everyone else for every problem he had, he felt he could do what he wanted when he wanted. His temper was seen on a daily basis. But, he could be the best person to be around also (rarely seen at home and ALWAYS seen by others, with the exception of school).
His half brother, my 5 year old son, exhibits the exact same behaviors as the 19 yo. We have been struggling with him since he got kicked out of 3K (and before that at home). He is now in kindergarten and we have him going to a Special Ed class when he acts out in the normal classroom…..this is a daily occurance. His tantrums are out of control and trust me, neither his teachers or his parents give in to them. He blames everyone/thing for his discrepancies. In fact, the list in the article is what we deal with on a daily basis, home and school, with both kids.
We, as parents, have tried everything BUT medication to help both kids. We will not give up until there is some sort of breakthrough. The kids are miserable also! It is absolutely the most draining thing a parent can go through. You look at other families (such as my sister’s 3 kids) and they do not have the constant negativity and argumentativeness that ODD children have.
What irkes me is those that say there is no ODD, or ADHD or any other mood disorder. Those who say that have not lived with it or struggled with it on a daily basis. I have 2 children, both with different moms, 13 years apart, who have the exact same behavioral issues. Both kids were raised completely differently. I don’t need to hear that the kids were spoiled or that there is no such thing as a mood disorder and if you ARE going to say that, then offer suggestions on how to deal with the ODD kids…..quit berating those that have to deal with this on a daily basis. Our kids wear us down emotionally, we don’t need the public to do it also.
I have a 9 yr old son that was a typical boy until he wanted and I agreed,to live with his father for 1 year in another state. I don’t know what happened in the year he was there. His grades are failing, he talks mean to everyone, he wants to fight with other kids, he doesn’t help around the house including his own room, he wants to argue about everything and nothing is ever his fault it’s ALWAYS someone else’s fault and he is showing aggressiveness with his 2 yr. old sister. We are seeing a counselor now at a center for children. she recommended reward charts for goal behaviors to try to improve. Guess what…the reward charts don’t mean squat to him!!! It is hard to spend all the time with trying to help him make better choices when I also have a 11 yr. old and the 2 yr old. I am only one person.
I think my almost 4 year old has this. She has been through traumatic edxperiences, but her life has been completely normal for the past 2 years. Her behavior is gradually declining. She is constantly violent, threatens to set me on fire and kill me, and is always angry. She has no compassion for others and will not do anything I ask her to. I always respect her, and speak to her politely, even when she does thedse things. I have tried everything, including chore charts, good behavior charts, chore jars, timeouts, everything. I just want to help her so much. I am sobbing as I write this because she is sleeping next to me and I just want her to be happy. We have an appointment at the end of May with a behavioral therapist for children and I just pray there is something that can help us. She and her brother are all I have and I am all they have. I work 2 jobs to support them and it really hurts that she hates me so much, even though I would never let her know that. I try not to take it personally, but it is really hard not to. I just want my baby girl to be happy.
Wow…after reading the above posters experiences.
I have been married 22 years and my 42 year old Husband has been recently diagnosed with ODD.
Its not fun when your spouse is the one with ODD.
I wish more research could be available for adults with this disorder.
I just suggest any parent who has a child with ODD, gets as much treatment while they are children because when they go into adulthood it can get very rough for them and they can end up in legal and relationship problems.
27 year old single mom of a ten year old son who just happens to have the dreaded ODD label. I’m going crazy trying to find a way to truly help my son. Therapists, psychiatrists, respite programs, teachers, etc, etc……you name it, we have got it in place! Therapy is going on five years now, he is on medication for sleep (clonidine). The sleep medicine is the only good thing I look forward to when my son comes home from school. I count the minutes until bedtime. But as soon as he gets home, I am his personal punching bag. He tries to hurt his little brother as well, who is only two years old! He laughs at other peoples pain just because he thinks it’s so funny. He torments his little brother whenever he gets the chance. He has been in several psychiatric hospitals, short term facilities and long term ones. Residential to be precise. I’m not a perfect parent or person, but this is just getting out of hand. He has been officially diagnosed with ODD and mood disorder. Whatever that means. Mood disorder is too vague a diagnosis. Anyway, my son is defiant at all times and talks back to everyone, especially me. Refuses to do anything he is told. Laughs at people who he has caused pain to. He lacks remorse and destroys everything. Even destroys his own stuff and then blames it on everyone else because God forbid someone doesn’t want to do what he wants them to do. He is very manipulative, and a masterful one at that. He self harms and then will turn around and bold face lies to his teachers and therapists. His therapists do see right through him FINALLY! We have therapy, in home and out of the home six days a week. For several months now. It is not doing anything but pissing him off because he does not like being questioned about his behavior. I’m no doctor or therapist, but even I can see that things will only get worse from here on out. Professionals always say things will get better and tell me to just stay positive, yet things are getting worse and worse. AND FAST! I love my son dearly, but I don’t know how much more I can take. I’m not saying I just want to pawn him off on someone else just because i’m living in hell at all. I always tell him I would never trade him for the world, but if his behavior does not improve and if he keeps assaulting me and his little brother for no apparent reason, he will be taken away by social services. I let him know that if he is removed from the home, it will be because of HIS actions and because of HIS choices. I also tell him how much I would like for him to remain at home with people who love him no matter what he may our may not do, but it is his choices that are going to get him in trouble and then he really won’t be happy. He does not seem to be phased by any of it. He might act like he cares in front of people, but in actuality, all he’s doing is lying to get people to go away and not tell him what he can an cannot do. On top of all that, he also threatens suicide at least three times a week. Threatens to kill me and his baby brother in our sleep if he does not get his way. He throws sharp objects at people. Spits on me. Rewarding him for good behavior is total bull because he simply does not care and rarely ever exhibits good behavior. Praising the rare good behaviors triggers him because he thinks everyone is being sarcastic or that everyone is lying to him. Any attention is good attention to him, I know, but this is ridiculous. Praise charts backfire because if he has to actually earn things, he ain’t doing it. If he has to work towards anything, he gets pissed off and then gets caught up in his typical daily rages. Nothing anyone says or does can calm him down. He’s already been arrested several times and he’s only 9! I feel like a total failure. Maybe I am. I was stubborn as a child, too, but not like this. I don’t know what to do anymore, but I feel like he is planning to do something awful. He does stuff like that alot, and if I feel like he is plotting something, i’m usually always right. I never know exactly when, but I swear I can just sense it coming. And trust me, you do NOT want to be near my son when he decides to unleash his plans of attack. But even all this that’s been going on, his doctors and therapists tell me to “just stick with it”. The only person who is going to stick with anything is my son……..yeah…….he’s going to stick something alright…….he’s going to stick me WITH a KNIFE! Why are so called therapists and doctors so nonchalant about this? WTF are they waiting for? For him to actually kill someone before they actually do do something about it? Well, I guess his therapists are somewhat helpful, but they are not taking this nearly as serious as they should be. I can’t even keep a job because of this. We have been homeless for two months now, also because of this behavior. I cannot even control my own child for even the simplest of things. My son has recently been telling me to go to hell and that he’s going to flip me the bird because i’m an idiot. Demanding that I shut the hell up OR ELSE. What the…..! ? I’m exhausted mentally, emotionally and physically.
Edit…..when I said praise charts, I really meant to say reward chart. His therapist helped him make a apple tree reward chart. He has to follow the list of rules to earn x amount of apples. Earned apples get filled in to keep track. There is also a list of specific rewards to choose from and they all have different amounts of apples you need to have to get that reward. But see, that’s the thing though, he doesn’t care about that chart. He breaks every rule everyday. I try to remind him that breaking rules will result in an automatic denial of filling in another apple. I tell him I know he is capable of making good choices and I have faith in him, but do you think he gives a crap? Nope. When I try to say something nice about him, he goes bizzerk and attacks me. His therapist really thinks the reward chart is going to work, even after I prove her wrong. I try to stay positive or just neutral as instructed by therapist, but it doesn’t matter, my son attacks people regardless of what’s being said and what’s going on. Charts don’t work for every child and quite Franky, i’m sick of his therapist pressuring me all the time to use that chart. It doesn’t work! What do you not get about that! I tried it and nothing changed.
Hello,
I felt so sad that your name is failure parent. Please don’t do that to yourself! You sound as though you’ve done everything you have been tolded to do. Maybe it’s time to see a new therapist. I think it’s hard for them to understand fully unless they live with a child with ODD. I talk from experience. I have an adult daughter with ODD and a young grandson that has recently been diagnosed. We didn’t know about our daughters diagnosis while living through it. As she has grown, life is a lot better. Since my grandson is six, I am hopeful he and his parents will have answers as how to handle situations.
Please don’t blame yourself.
find a new therapist~keep looking until you find a good match for you and your family! Therapists don’t know everything- find one who specializes in childhood behaviour disorders. Best of luck!!!! You might have to look at using medication to help balance your son’s neurotransmitters.(for healthier brain function)sometimes it’s the only choice….(this is NOT something I recommend unless it is a matter or safety for child or others in immediate contact) Be safe and use your motherly intuition….
My daughter is twelve and lives with me her father.Since she was a toddler I have been witnessing behavior that is clearly extreme. She has always been an angry, defiant, oppositional and non compliant to authority. She uses language and insults that that belong in the gutter and on many occasions I have been physically attacked. This is something after all these years I can now no longer deal with at times but still hang on. This behavior spills over into school and other social group settings as well as affecting personal relationships, work and family connections. I hav’nt been in a relationship with anyone for a number of years now and lost many friends and contacts due to the behavior. I have had child and family mental health professionals involved and been on so many parenting courses. I feel I should have more expertise than the people teaching them. It makes no difference nor did it really help. They are now testing her for ADHD and I just laughed in the despair of the obvious! Now late in the day they are looking at a behavior label that to me should have been looked at years ago. As far as ODD is concerned why not look at this and the whole lot while they are at it. At this rate my daughter will be a young woman with severe personality disorders no qualifications and have a string of abusive relationships before she reaches 25 etc. In writing this I have also described her mother! Now tell me this. Is this nature or nurture this kind of behavior? Does it run in families? I see a pattern here that is a genetic link. My daughter I love dearly but hate the personality. She is about to live the same disastrous life her mother still does now. She sees the the destruction in her mothers life and hates it yet she her self is exactly the same. To me there is no hope for her just another child of an unfortunate gene. If this is so then labels of ADHD,ODD etc mean nothing as they tell a story of the person but that is all. As parents does that label make things better or make us feel better in our selves just to know this? The reality is as parents we are powerless to change them but what we can do is be there to pick up the pieces and support them when they themselves can no longer cope. I call it managing the behavior as there is no cure. The child its self with support with learn as it matures to cope better and through experience learn. I believe they will always have difficulties in their lives. Some will go on and lead so-called normal lives but alas some will not. Many will be chained to the criminal justice system and some in and out of mental health institutions. Everyone has their story to tell this is mine. If my daughter has ODD then what next?
My son is 10 years old and I believe he has ODD.
He is extremely intelligent. He makes friends wherever he goes. He leads. He adapts to his surroundings.
Caught early, you can structure support and therapy around your ODD child so he/she can lead a normal life, above-average.
To those who are saying this disorder is just ‘big pharma’ or spoiled kids’ disorder, I wonder if you actually have children. You sound like a Michael Moore, easily pointing out the ‘obvious’ for attention and then walking away from the issue. Might as well post on facebook so you can get ‘likes’ for suporting some cause in which you will not put any effort into.
I am proud of my child, and I will work with him every day so he can channel his rage and defiance into something positive. He is surpassing me in intelligence at the age of 10 (I am an Engineer), and if ODD is a handicap than the capitalistic society we live in will reward him and shelter him from any wrongdoing.
Being able to realize this disorder and working with him at an early age is a blessing. Undiagnosed, he could have easily grown up to become a psychopath. But by realizing this disorder in him at an early age, and with the proper guidance, he could easily grow up to become the next ‘Bill Gates,’ or a powerful lawyer, Engineer, or even President (nah, he’s too intelligent for that
Compare that to your stoner 30 year old ‘child’ living in your basement. Shame on you for questioning a disorder in which you have no understanding of.
I have been a teacher since 1979. This is the first year I have a student identified with both ADHD and ODD. I am looking for help in dealing with and helping this young second grader. He has been angry if he does not understand something . If I will not say his way is right, he becomes very angry. I found sending him on errands gave him a chance to calm down. But this week he refused to go until I said he was right. What should I do? What works best? When I ignore him he just gets louder and louder.
He threw a piece of classroom furniture earlier in the year and a pencil once and something on his desk recently. This time it was directed at me and hit me. he had to go home. Sometimes he has a good day and I realize his parents have told him they are going to do something for him, so he found it in himself to behave. Other days I can tell from the first few minutes that he will not cooperate that day based on his demeanor. Where can a teacher get help? I work in a private school.
How often do your children see a psychologist? This little guy is not seeing one.
Please respond with positive , helpful suggestions. they will be appreciated.
I would love some help with ODD. My son is 12. Next year entering high school. For someone to say this does not exists makes me cry. Come and live in my shoes for even just a few days and try and live with what my family lives with.
We have been to the GP, Pediatrition, social worker, guidance office, physchologist, mediators, parenting classes, the list goes on but I still have a child that seems to care about nobody but himself and it doesnt matter who he hurts along the way.
He has not had a day at school for about 6 weeks where I havent had a phone call, email, pick up notice or suspension.
We are a loving family, I am home during the day for problems, my husband works, we spend many hours with the kids (14 year old “normal” daughter) doing family things. Rules and set and applied and expected to be adheard to but it makes no difference to him. The school and treacher are great. They have boundries, positive rewards and behavioural consequenses but it makes not difference.
How someone can say this does not exist – OMG!!!!!
this is an incredibly useful article!! i have a 4yr old son, who has been right on track -even advanced- socially/emotionally up until 10 months ago. Stress between us- his parents, having to downsize to an apartment, job/hours shuffling…it seems that negative attention is better than none at all to him. we have tried a few different approaches, and stayed consistent, until it was clear that it wasnt working. spanking, “timeouts” or being removed in general, and recently Lecturing until i am Blue in the face all the while hes just screaming “AAAAH! AAAAH! AAAH! AAAH!” in my face the whole time. its to the point he has to go to a specific grandparents house for a day or two. He does listen to, and respect my father in law. he comes home an angel, but the next day its back to it. he is not violent by nature or environment, however thats the only way he acts out at preschool. he doesnt sass the teacher, just violates classmates space and sometimes hits. but ‘thats normal for his age’ they say. so its just me i guess. a Scorpio VS. Taurus *sigh* im definitely looking into this condition with his Dr. when we go in for his checkup :/
I am a grandmother of a 5 year old. Even though just his grandmother we are connected by embilical cord.We are very close i feel like i am his mother,he feels that granny is it. MY heart hurts just finding out my sweet boy has ODD.I Plan on seeking professional help to learn an be of help to him.I also need help to deal with the hurt of accepting diagnoses. SEND MUCH LOVE TO YOU WHO SUFFER.
I have a 12 year old daughter who has Asperger’s Syndrome as well as ODD. She was diagnosed many years ago. She was recently diagnosed with Bipolar II and the doc is putting her on Lamictal. I am hopeful that it will even out her moods. Will update you all, soon.
Our 5YR.OLD grandaughter was disgnosed recently with ODD.We are so thankful to finally have an answer as to why she acts/does what she does. Yesterday she was “kicked out” of Daycare- for throwing such a fit she hit a child with a shoe & destroyed her classroom! Tables/chairs/shelves/sand & water stations all knocked over. Toys thrown everywhere. We took her to the Dr. & Phy.& now are trying to find a therapist who helps kids with ODD. Her parents are divorced & Mother ( our daughter-BiPolar – PSTD) hardly ever sees her.
Her big brother committed suicide 4 yrs. ago & then Mother left when she was 18 mo. old. She has had a rough start but has Daddy,us & her other grandparents;aunts/uncles; daycare/school teachers who will support her. She is such a lovely little girl & we are helping her in every way we can. Any advice, help, prayers are appreciated. Traveling this journey with you!
My boyfriend and I live together and we just got custody of his son who has ODD and I’m doing everything I can to help him but he just won’t listen to anyone and I’m bout to go nuts. He is always picking on my little one and doing things to push my buttons. I try to make him go ride his bike or write in a notebook to calm things down but he alway tells me no or when I try to walk away from him he follows me around yelling. I tell him I love him all the time but I really don’t know how much I can take I am alway so tired that i cant even keep up with my daily chores. Anyone got any advice on what I could do to help us get along better? Once he calms down he gives me hug says sorry and we talk about what happened.
Wow, some people. It is amazing that someone would go on these blogs and tell us parents with ODD children, that it isn’t real. That is truly something. Thank you for your stupid insight.
I guess we are all trying to understand what is going on with our kids and how best to help them. If a collection of symptoms or abnormal behaviours derives at a “label or condition” it only assists in recognising what the problem is. Just because this relates to mental health, makes it harder to understand but no less real than a physiological disorder.
In response to Stephan, because you have not experienced this or seen accumulative research that has led to ODD existing does not mean that it is a ridiculous idea invented to appease society.
We are not talking about kids questioning the world around them or arriving at conclusions or ideals that may oppose that of their carers. We are not talking about a tantrum because a kid doesn’t get their own way. We are talking about extreme behaviours that are socially isolating to children and detrimental to their mental health.
Stephan you are part of the reason that Mental health problems are still stigmatised today. Thanks for taking us back to the dark ages. All parents and carers on this site have genuine concern for the Hollistic health of their kids and are looking for ways to deal with them in a non pharmaceutical way.
My step daughter ( mother passed away when she was 3 now 51/2) is out of control temper tantrums like no tomorrow, bites herself, spits, pulls her own hair, threatens to kill me and cut my head off, tries to destroy her things , everyday is a challenge , from what jumper to put on to having her hair brushed, it’s taken two years to get to to have a shower/bath without hysterics, does not listen, is so defiant it’s mind blowing she is the girl in the rhyme when she is good she is very very good but when she is bad she is horrid, and when she is good she is gorgeous ,loving, affectionate, is perfect at school and at other people’s homes , but with my self and my husband and even her grandparents( both sets) she is a challenge. I’m at my wits end.
I would just like to say to any parent who deals with ODD or ADHD or any disorder in their family that you should all be proud of yourselves! Its not your fault, its nothing you have done but it is dam hard to deal with, in fact in my lifetime I have found nothing harder to deal with and I am almost 50 and have seen and done many things in my life. I am sorry but people who make comments to the contrary on this blog should try to live with an ODD child for a week and then write comments on the blog after, they would then understand what its like. I have a 17 year old who has ODD, its been hell and I don’t expect it to improve any time soon, what keeps us parents strong is supporting each other through difficult times and having help and advice from others such as the people on this blog, thanks again