If you find yourself in a toxic relationship, you always have the option of ditching the friend and moving on. However, when the environment in which you make your bread and butter damages your self-esteem and robs you of self-confidence, you can’t exactly walk out… if you want to eat that night.
What to do?
More than a few friends have complained to me recently about toxic workplaces and their dilemma of how to live sanely within insane walls. So I thought about this more, consulted some experts, and offer a few suggestions.
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Hiya, any chance of re-writing this for those of us who love our stressful jobs? I work in a special needs school, and the risks are high, attention span is essential, and some situations are incredibly stressful. The management do all they can to make sure we are supported and debriefed where possible, but there is still a very high level of stress as well as satisfaction. Any good ideas?
Very practical steps for handling toxic work environment. Also very similar to 12-Step recovery!
Coach Theresa
There are many reasons that a work environment can be toxic. It isn’t always rude remarks or outwardly aggressive behaviour. While all your points are valid in a work place that you describe. In a workplace managed by a subversive manipulator with control issues and zero empathy, to suggest that one lie to survive a situation is why these people remain in power. You can not win a game if only one is playing with rules and the other is not.
You describe my manager so well, maybe we work together
I’d be careful with the solo walks and meditation. Sounds like too much opportunity for brooding.
The worst case scenario is always the boss.
Some bosses will spend all day criticizing and insulting you even if you’ve done nothing wrong.
THAT’S hard to get around.
And you can’t fight back.
And they wonder why people go postal…
Thank you so much for this article! It is a lifesaver!
I was in a job where I felt like I was “Black Bean the Whipping Boy”. If something went wrong, I was blamed for it. I was even blamed for something that someone else did before I even started working there. It didn’t matter. Even if I could prove that I was not at fault, they blamed me anyway. If I found solutions to problems, others were given credit for them. I was made to feel small and worthless. Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore and I quit. Now I am unemployed. Was it worth it? I don’t know. Maybe it’s better to earn an income while being made the company scapegoat for everyone else’s shortcomings. Still, there’s something to be said about preserving your own emotional well being and self esteem.
Trust me when I say that working in a restaurant is a high stress environment and I have the ulcers to prove it.
I have chosen to work my way back down the ladder to a line cook after having been an Executive Chef for a couple of years and I do not regret the decision.
What I do these days is to find one thing in my day that makes me laugh. Something that brings a smile to my face. The stress just seems to melt away…
I guess Readers Digest was right, Laughter is the Best Medicine.
How do survive and not become angry when I have a boss that constantly ignores you, plots behind your back, assigns your projects to someone else, never informs you of anything, takes money from your budget without telling you, publicly humuliates you, never acknowledges your accomplishments, creates an environment of mistrust, never answers your emails, and deliberately pits other employees against me. Talking to him reaps comments like, ” What business is it of yours who I assign projects to?” My work has won awards. Where is the lesson here? What do I do? I can’t quit. Most recently he has asked his trusted employees to report all conversations with me to him. A lot of people don’t even speak to me anymore.
What I’m facing is that due to a grievance award I was offered a job that has turned out to be a trap. There is no means for advancement, no means to transfer, and I’m told I’m at the top of the pay grade so there will be no step increases. Cost of living is not scheduled to go up until 2013, and due to financial difficulties with the company I’ll be surprised if it does happen. Most of the people I work with are great and my supervisor is wonderful, but the guy who is my direct peer makes passive-aggressive an art form. It’s constantly implied that I’m lazy when I’m on my feet 8 hrs a day. I’ve asked several times since I first started for someone to make a list of what duties I’m expected to perform and no one ever has. So I made my own. I figure if no one bothers to take the time to inform me, they have no right to complain when I make my best guess.
It’s a mind-numbing, degrading job. I have no support network to help me get through it, and making friends has always been very difficult for me. This may sound silly, but the outside validation of my World of Warcraft guild making me guildmaster has been a big help.
I agree with those who point out that yelling, screaming and insulting is far from the only types of toxic workplaces. I have worked in several and each has been different:
* a boss who doesn’t know the business and can’t admit it so keeps making unrealistic plans, delaying timelines to critical overload, breaking union rules, etc. and then deflects blame onto his staff.
* an organization with deep conflicts-of-interest hidden just below the surface for you to trip on
* an organization operating illegally and expecting employees to keep quiet.
* an organization with one reporting structure on paper and another in practice, giving you responsibility without authority
* an organization where the Board backs up a CEO even when employees complain en masse and turnover is high.
…. and so on.