Although perfectionism undoubtedly brings me suffering and pain, I’ve come to appreciate the snobby part of my personality because it also bear gifts, especially over time.
For the last three years, perfectionism has placed me in an okay spot in a terrible economy. Had I not invested so many hours into networking and writing blogs the last five or so years — sometimes on top of full-time employment and other responsibilities — I would not have a job right now. And spending a night or two recently with friends of friends I knew back in high school made me proud of all the therapy and recovery I have done since graduating.
Had I not held myself to a high standard back then, I wouldn’t have quit drinking at the age of 18, and may still be hitting the bars at night.
Perfectionism can even be noble when we are able to turn the neurosis into acts of service, where we help others in similar pain.
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Hi Therese,
I truly understand what you are conveying in your important message. I think perfectionism, good or bad, is an unrealistic, vague goal that puts pressure on us to pursue something that has not been defined.
I like to think that my old perfectionist has inspired me to strive for excellence rather than perfectionism. Excellence utilizes my strengths and passion to achieve my highest, defined standards for a specific outcome. I give it my best shot and then I let go.
What perfection taught me was that as long as I am in integrity with “who” I am and who I am is giving my best effort, with all I have, then when I let go, without any attachment to my intended result, I am frequently surprised to discover that the outcome I had hoped for shows up.
Excellence is about enjoying the process of doing the work with my highest and clearest standards. It is about letting go and hoping for the best. When I shoot for perfection, I become too attached to something I have no control over. I am attempting to create something that is unrealistic and vague.
Excellence is specific, realistic and possible; but only if I let go of the outcome and enjoy the process of creating a clearly articulated goal without a strong attachment to “having to have” the outcome I want. I just do my best and wait to see what happens.
I think the use of snobby as a descriptor for perfectionism is an unfair term. I cannot even count the number of times I have been called snobby because of the way my head runs and I generally find it to have negative connotations (certainly it is being applied by people who say it to me in a negative way).
Hi Therese,
Wonderfully written piece. I appreciate your utilizing my quote in the manner that you did. My upcoming post, What is a Mistake, will further this line or re-framing our beliefs.
Best,
Mel