My whole life I’ve been terrified of making mistakes.
When I was giving a talk about Germany in my sixth grade class and the teacher asked me who the chancellor was, it took me a minute to utter his last name — all the while I was stuttering.
When I gave presentations in school, I never veered away from my index cards — not even a word. I made myself memorize the words in their exact order — perfectly.
If I fumbled, I was a failure.
When I started a job in college, the first time I swept the floor, I took an inordinate amount of time. I was worried that if the manager saw any dirt, she’d think that I wasn’t working hard enough to pick up every speck.
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Great post.
I do fear making mistakes and being seen as dumb, so I don’t even try.
When I was growing up I had 3 older brothers. Whenever I made a mistake or asked a question that they thought stupid they would tease me. Laugh relentlessly and make their highly sensitive sister feel humiliated. That is a large part of why I avoid admiting to making mistakes – I can’t laugh at myself and I feel that humiliation every time someone catches me making an error.
Even Albert Einstein asked questions. You have all the right
Now I know why I’m an underwriter, underwhelming. Understanding without freedom to act. So the challenge is to not fear being rubbed the wrong way but to know we are implicitly diamonds in the rough. Act as if. Be our own person. Unashamed. Freedom to shine.
Great post, Margarita. Running a series on my blog about the book Too Perfect which is all about this theme, and how perfectionism (rather than the will to excel) is crippling rather than empowering.
Hello everyone.I teach psychology in a college in India.Allow me to share with you what concerns we have in this part of the world.We have a very robust,time tested educational system.We take pride in the fact that it is very competition oriented and institutions of higher professional training are among the best in the world.
Inspite of all that,we are concerned that we do not make much significant innovation to spearhead social and tech. advance of human civilization.
I think,I’ve always known the answer:we,as a society,squelch creativity from an early age.We prise conformity to the extent that any deviation from the expected norms is construed as disobedience.
As a result,children grow up to avoid taking risk.With risks taking comes the fear of making mistakes.
So it is not just individuals but societies too that are developmentally disadvantaged by the self-conscious avoidance of commiting mistakes.
Quote:Myth: It’s good for your children’s self-esteem to praise them for being smart.Fact: Research has shown that praising children for being smart – rather than for making a good effort – leads them to fear taking on more difficult tasks because they might look ‘dumb.’ Children who feel effort is more important than appearing smart are often more willing to tackle greater challenges.”When I was little, I was praised for being smart. And I was given a beating each time I failed to uphold that “truth”, sent to my room until I finished my huge homework, etc. The above extract may explain why I could probably build a warp engine all by myself if given the materials, yet I can’t even talk to a girl. Don’t even go asking me about girlfriends.I’m working really hard to not get depressed by innocent criticism, irony, sarcasm, but I’m not getting very far very fast. As far as I can tell, I’d have to move into some sort of “worker class” where I’d drop the use of my brain in exchange for socialising, but the problem with that is that I really like using my brain…
This topic intrigues me tremendously, I suffer from this condition, to the point of anxiety attacks when I make a mistake (although I have gotten somewhat better of late, just haven’t nailed it perfectly yet, wink wink*). I am trying desperately to learn how to grasp this concept so I can pass it onto my children in new ways. Rather than in ways of explaining that mistakes make you grow but also by changing my reaction to my own, and their, mistakes. Thank you for sharing your understanding of this topic. Blessings to you!
I supervise 25 scientists in a demanding and high-profile field. Analysis results affect lives. I have an employee of one year who was terrific right up until we were about three months away from certifying her for independent work. She made it to certification, but not without coaxing and some obvious trepidation. But now she is not producing. A peer who has gotten to know her well told me she is terrified of making a mistake and is also very sensitive and takes things personally (she likes the employee in question, and she was not criticizing, just trying to give me some insight). I am generally a sensitive person and have assured her more than once that as time goes on and she does the work more, she will be more comfortable with the importance of the work. The problem now is that she has been certified for a couple of weeks and has yet to produce any results. At all. I don’t want to crush her and thus lose a good employee (good attendance, good attitude, gets along well with the others) with whom we have a lot invested – how can I best encourage her and help her past this? And will she get past it? I cannot pay someone to do no work, and I so very badly want her to succeed – because I am afraid if she doesn’t there could be long term effects.I don’t want to be the one she never forgets because I didn’t handle this well.