I am not promising these things.

A motivational coach, consultant, therapist, and award-winning faculty member at Yale School of Medicine is. A guy named Michael V. Pantalon. He has a bunch of credentials like publishing articles in the New England Journal of Medicine and the Journal of the American Medical Association, so I read though his book, Instant Influence: How to Get Anyone to Do Anything—FAST with curiosity. I have a lot of projects that I was hoping he could help me with.

I have not had enough time to accurately test-drive his recipe of influence; however, I think I’m coming with a bit of a handicap considering my strong urge to want to please people. I only have to hear a vague “I don’t really see it that way,” to abandon my way and go with someone else’s. However, I do think part of his logic really works because, ultimately, the way he frames is questions is what I learn in twelve-step support groups and in therapy and in self-assertion workshops: Stick to “I” statements, not “you” statements. Or, in preschool lexicon, the vowel “I” comes well before the vowel “U.”

If we are to effectively influence, we need to ask lots of questions, acting sincere, and putting aside the opinions or blame. Those two things and negativity are the axis of evil in a conversation of negotiation.

So here are the six questions that are supposed to ask your guy to get him to take out the trash, cut the grass, do the laundry, wash the dishes, and comb the dogs so that you can go to the movies with your friends….

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