Today I have the pleasure of interviewing Jill Bialosky, author of the new book History of a Suicide: My Sister’s Unfinished Life, in which she brilliantly weaves together her sister’s inner life and brings an awkward but essential topic of discussion out of the shadows.
1. If you could have readers leave with one piece of truth about suicide, what would it be?
Jill: Suicide is a multi-faceted, complex event and though there may be a present catalyst that triggers it, ultimately it is a psychological drama that happens within the mind of a suicidal individual resulting from intense inner pain. This is a theory developed by Dr. Edwin Shneidman, one of the leading figures in the study of suidiology and it is the one theory that makes sense to me.
We must recognize the inner pain of someone who is suicidal as quickly as possible. One of the conundrums is that those who are suffering deeply tend to isolate themselves and disguise their inner pain to protect loved ones. We must look for warning signs and be not afraid to ask.
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I haven’t read Ms. Bialosky’s book and can’t afford to buy it, but I can react to the article. I’ve been very suicidal in the past, for a period of about three years. What Ms. Bialosky says is true: nobody wants to talk about it, and that includes all psychological professionals. This makes it close to impossible for the suicidal person to get some perspective on the desire to kill themselves. I have only learned since, and that quite indirectly, that my suicidality was the outcome of completely unconscious intense psychological distress dating back to my infancy. If only someone had been willing to put suicide on the table as a subject and talk about it, I would have been saved years of the worst misery I can imagine. Therapists: stop worrying about your damn insurance; connect with your suicidal patients and let them talk it out with you. This should be like any other subject you devote months of therapy to. Analyze it, pick it apart, relate it to prior experience, get to the bottom of it. DO YOUR JOB!
As someone who has been suicidal, I can tell you there are two immense reasons why the suicide prone person does NOT attempt to get health.
First, mental health professionals are required by law to contact authorities if a client is a danger to themselves or others. If I’m looking at suicide as my escape path (from anxiety, depression, financial pressures, etc.) why would I ever cut off my route.
The second reason is I would be charged for the assistance, usually a great deal of money over numerous sessions. If I am truly suicidal, I don’t want to pay to have my path to peace cut off. It’s all I can do to reach out even a little bit.
Finally, its my experience that most mental health professionals want to avoid suicidal clients. I had one tell me he didn’t want me as a client as I wasn’t motivated. At a particularly low period I e-mailed (via a web based referral system)ten psychologists and/or psychiatric social workers. I stated I was suicidal and asked for assistance. I received a single response. Point proved.