Resiliency is what makes some people able to bounce back after a particularly traumatic or difficult time or stressor in one’s life, while others fall apart. It is a component of positive psychology, in that researchers try and figure out what makes resilient people different than others. And then seeks to help others learn some simple skills that may be able to help build resiliency in one’s own life.
There are no secret short-cuts to building greater resilience in your life. Most skills you can learn to help build resiliency are things that are going to take lots of time and lots of practice.
Practice is one of the things people often forget when it comes to changing one’s behavior or one’s life. You didn’t become this way overnight. It took years — and in some cases, decades — for you to learn to be the way you are today. Therefore it’s naturally going to take some time — usually months, at least — in order for you to change things about yourself. This includes building resiliency.
Here are five steps to help you get started on building more resiliency in your life.
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John, happy you’re addressing the importance of emotional resiliency in maintaining emotional health. While most of PsychCentral users are adults, 16-yrs. ago I realized an overlooked age group are pre-teen students in elementary school. We decided to launch the Brain Works & Coping Skills for Kids Project to help kids deal with everyday stressful (and painful) experiences by first understanding how instinctive brain function impulses must be understood to regulate the way they respond to 4-core human “emotionally wounding experiences”. We continue to believe that offering education on this subject is critical for boosting resilience during the tumultuous teenage years, filled with changing brain and behavior issues. Also, your point that resilience and coping confidence come with “practice”. Too often we assume kids just learn by trial and error without parents and teacher offering assistance as “Coping Coaches.” The website, http://www.copingskills4kids.net, offers free adult supplementary resources, which include an article on critical coping development by adult coping role modeling for kids.
When I read the steps it came to mind how i apply each step in my life today. 1. I live in the now and I always do a spot check. do I have food for today? A roof over my head tonight? If I can answer yes to those questions it gets me out of fear. 2. how honest am I regarding my own actions? in everything I have some role good or bad. figure it out learn from it. 3. A favorite phrase I have is : “I wasn’t up for personal growth.” meaning when I come out the other side & i will my expectation is to be better for it. 4. Listen frequently when people are on the phone with me they will say are you still there? My response is,” yes I am listening.” I am listening not only do I help them I learn so much of what works and what doesn’t by the experiences of others. 5. again being honest with myself about my assets and liabilities then set realistic long and short term steps to climb 6. aS a mother of two grown children I attest to the fact this impacts not only myself but my daughters deep wells of resiliency. nO matter what the crisis as a mother and parent it was imperative i consider my daughters sense of security. The only way to do that is ACT like an adult even when I would prefer a meltdown.
Hi everyone,
During a period of acute illness,I felt left out,alone and what bothered me most was I didn’t know what to do with my head.For a highly educated individual,in an intellectual occupation,it is totally devastating not being able to read,write,talk,view,etc.etc.
During such crisis,I found my connect with the Almighty.The sustained inner faith has helped shape me into more empathizing,effective and resilient human being.
Thanks for the opportunity to share,gives me a connect with many understanding persons and will foster resilience as a bonus!
At 52 I cannot even conceive of changing. Learning one has ADHD after a lifetime of failure leaves me with nothing to give myself. I know that I will be alone until I die because I simply don’t connect with peiple. After 28 yrs my wife gave up in frustration. I miss the signals that everyone else takes for granted. I never learned resilience or perseverance because everytime I tried I failed. My wife once complained because I wouldn’t play the games she liked. I explained that it wasn’t fun for me to constantly lose. If I can’t ever have a chance of winning a game thwen what is the use of playing, its not fun for me to look forward to always losing!
Drew