Perfectionism.
It’s the enemy of creativity, productivity, and, well, sanity. In The Artist’s Way, author Julia Cameron writes: “Perfectionism is a refusal to let yourself move ahead. It is a loop — an obsessive, debilitating closed system that causes you to get stuck in the details of what you are writing or painting or making and to lose sight of the whole.”
But you don’t even have to be creating anything to be crippled by perfectionism. It can also frustrate your efforts as a mom, a wife, a friend, and a human being. Because no one and no thing is perfect in this blemished world of ours.
I tackle this adversary everyday. And although my inner perfectionist clearly has hold of my brain many days, I do think I am handcuffed less often by the fear of messing up than I used to be. Here are 10 techniques I use to break out of the prison of perfectionism in order to live and create as freely as I can in an imperfect world.
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You know, one of the tough things I’ve found about perfectionism is that people who aren’t perfectionists sometimes (in my experience, at least) wish they WERE a perfectionist so that they could work harder or be better or whatever. Just something I’ve noticed, and honestly, I think it makes it harder to even want to move past perfectionism even though it’s mostly torture.
Perfectionism is subtle. I always have to stop and take a look at where I’m going in order to determine whether I’m being ambitious or trying to do the unimportant. Being perfect in everything is impossible. That, however, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t strive to be perfect. Finding the balance where one can be content is pretty important, at least for me.
The Child
Therese,
I struggle with perfectionism every minute of every day.”Perfect” is one of my favourite words.
I honestly don’t know if I’ll ever “conquer it” and yet, this is a very hopeful and insightful post.
So much to do. So many things to change. So many ways to approach the compulsion.
I’ll try and keep on trying, if only it wasn’t for this little voice in my head.
Heartfelt thanks,
sln
Dear Therese,
We need to do our best and leave the rest.We have only one life to live and we cannot waste time repeating the same things.A perfect person is one who learns from the past mistakes and who never repeats the same.So do (whatever)as good as possible, in short perfectly and dont stress yourself thinking the consequence.In short if we take life easy, life will take us easy.
We need to be be humble, polite and at the same time try to excel and move forward.
Thankx
This has been the most helpful and inspiring thing I have read in a long time. In fact I have been in despair recently and this is offering me some hope and good practical advice. Thank you so much.
I realize now what an affliction it is to be a perfectionist.
“Exodus moments”…yes I have had them and long for that state and am still trying to find the magic ingredient.
Looking forward to further reading on the subject.
Perfectionism, in psychology, is a belief that perfection can and should be attained. In its pathological form, perfectionism is a belief that work or output that is anything less than perfect is unacceptable. At such levels, this is considered an unhealthy belief, and psychologists typically refer to such individuals as maladaptive perfectionists.
Thanks, Therese. I needed that.
The bottom fell out around April 1–been on medical leave without pay–and two of the combatting b/w perfectionism have been learning to knit and working a jigsaw puzzle. Learning about the galloping horse test and how to walk away even though one edge piece is missing has been sort of challenging. However, it is a relief to have activities in my life where I have set out to be less than perfect.
Chris
Thank you Therese for sharing your thoughts – so real and true! Thank you Coolchap for sharing “do our best and forget the rest” – need to adopt this the way daycare workers adopted “you get what you get and you don’t get upset” when confronted with whiny preschoolers who want the red cup instead of the blue cup. Now I’m going to thank my friend who shared this blog with me.
Dear Therese,
Thank you. In my younger years I had a pretty severe case of OCD, which is related to perfectionism. I still tend to be too perfectionistic. I will endeavor to incorporate some of your points.
At the same time, it should be emphasized that there is nothing wrong with striving for excellence, provided we don’t become excessively obsessed — temper our drive with insights such as those you have provided.
Mistakes are a necessary ingrediant for biological evolution. Genetic mutations are actually mistakes of nature, which sometimes lead to improvements which are them incorporated by “natural selection.” In fact, without such mistakes, evolution would be static, and beings such as ourselves would never have come to exist.
thanks a lot for the words, I have been following your blog for some time, and this was the post that touched me the most.
An easier way of beating perfectionism is to go on a hypoglycemic diet. People who are hypoglycemic tend to overproduce stress hormones that can lead to obsessive perfectionists’ traits.
I thought it was high doses of B-complex? Yeah, it would be nice to just “change one thing” and fix everything – ain’t happening. It that was true everyone who watched Oprah would be a millionaire!
I have an in-law male who exhibits tremendous perfectionism throughout every aspect of his life to the point that he cannot establish any longterm relationships, including with his own siblings. It has gotten to the point that as a single man, never been married, he has intruded extensively into his siblings’ lives, to now include the children of his siblings(since the siblings no longer listen to his obsessive advice-giving) It has gotten to the point that he has targeted his little nine year old niece with whom he has attempted to isolate in order to control her thoughts. This has come to a screeching halt by the girl’s brother and has sparked the interest in getting the perfectionist brother to see a psychologist. How do we go about recommending one to him and actually get him to go? Not only have his relationships all failed, but so has his realty business where his brand no longer is valid since his foreclosure of his own house.
Oops! I meant to say the girl’s father put a screeching halt to the perfectionist brother’s mind control of the child.
Liked your piece a lot, enough to make a copy. Of course, i would get stuck on making the Burns list out perfectly and would never get around to acting…. More seriously, it has been a crippling habit which can really shrink your life, and i have even made some rules for myself to tackle new projects. e.g. – took riding lessons, and stopped asking whether a move was “good” — “show me how” is much better, and taking any opportunity to play is great (nothing like being 60 riding with girls age 8 to teens). My worst block was in taking music lessons as an adult – I wasn’t able to break away from the nasty little self critic enough to enjoy my attempts. That may sound inconsequential, bu it felt like it summed up a lifetime of fearful behavior — because to make music you have to let your emotional state, as well as your technical ability, be on display in order to enjoy. Parents, if you have children, expressing your acceptance and supporting self expression can be one of the gifts.
Excellent blogs. I have been a perfectionist for years. The “better way proving mania” causes to sour daily activities in the in the work place. Plus, the more I give the more is dumped on my plate. From all of the above, I have learned today to stop giving 150% to prove perfectionism when 100% is sufficient.
I am trying to practice miss make it simple stuped
I nearly blew Coke out of my nose laughing at #7. I used to secretly cheer while the rest of the class groaned over essay questions on a test and now my grocery list goes through more re-writes than a Hollywood screenplay. I was a good writer and may still be one but I forgot how to walk away and be done.
Thank you. I’m used to looking up articles for tips that are full of platitudes. This is really helpful (and it feels nice to know it’s coming from your own experience). Thank you.
Unfortunately I have a job, so it is NOT OKAY to make mistakes. Also, I have “showed my weakness” many times, and guess what, everyone hates me for it.
On an unrelated note, I wonder if you put an apostrophe in “most perfectionist’s” on purpose because this is an article about perfectionism. If I did that it would be horrifyingly awful because I would be doing a bad job at the job I get paid to do, which would mean everyone is right not to hire me or pay me a living wage.
Writing papers in a college literature program nearly destroyed my creative instincts. Professors at my university never allowed us to explore. Twenty classes of reading and rhetoric, but zero creativity. If you want to study literature to help you learn to write, be careful not to get abused by professors by their perfectionism.