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10 Tips to Mend a Broken Heart

By Therese J. Borchard
Associate Editor

10 Tips to Mend a Broken HeartBess Myerson once wrote that “to fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful.” Especially if you are the one who wanted the relationship to last.

Mending a broken heart is never easy. There is no quick way to stop your heart from hurting so much.

To stop loving isn’t an option. Author Henri Nouwen writes, “When those you love deeply reject you, leave you, or die, your heart will be broken. But that should not hold you back from loving deeply. The pain that comes from deep love makes your love ever more fruitful.”

But how do we get beyond the pain? Here are 10 tips I’ve gathered from experts and from conversations with friends on how they patched up their heart and tried, ever so gradually, to move on.

1. Go through it, not around it.

I realize the most difficult task for a person with a broken heart is to stand still and feel the crack. But that is exactly what she must do. Because no shortcut is without its share of obstructions. Here’s a simple fact: You have to grieve in order to move on. During the 18 months of my severe depression, my therapist repeated almost every visit: “Go through it. Not around it.” Because if I went around some of the issues that were tearing me apart inside, then I would bump into them somewhere down the line, just like being caught in the center of a traffic circle. By going through the intense pain, I eventually surfaced as a stronger person ready to tackle problems head on. Soon the pain lost its stronghold over me.

205 Comments to
10 Tips to Mend a Broken Heart

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  1. This is the best recovery note I have ever read. It outlines it step by step!!!

  2. I liked this article. It did make me shed tears though. I lost my best friend since I was born at 23. Two boyfriends later I suffered a emotional breakdown and now have an extreme fear to love again. I feel i love way too much and I’m always the one suffering in the end. Sometimes it seems better to shut myself down bc I can’t hurt like that ever again or I won’t make it out next time.

    • I fell in love after 19 years of being on my own (my own choice). It only lasted a couple of months but I fell hook, line and sinker! I was angry and confused to start with, now I cannot stop crying and totally heartbroken. I dont know whether to close the door now forever or stay outside to try again, just cannot imagine life without him. Think it might help to read your posts, it could have been so much worse, good luck people

      • I have been going through the same heartbreak! I am so heart broken that I feel like I can’t move on. I sometimes wish I could numb myself so that way I don’t have to feel so much of this pain! I can’t stop thinking about my ex. I wake up thinking about her and go to sleep thinking about her. I want to run to her ! Why does love have to be so painful? I sometimes think that I would never love again.

    • hey rest assured my motto is its always better to have loved and lost than not at all.my life is just like your single again after falling for the wrong one again however its her lose and that’s the way I look at things . get out enjoy the little things and before long the sun will shine again every winter things lie dormant awaiting for spring to warm the soil to bring new life . take care my friend :)

      • No, Joe, it isn’t better to have loved and lost than never having loved. That is a pure cliché. These things come from people who are NOT suffering at the moment and it’s lousy counsel. The absolute harsh truth is that lost love hurts deeply and long. The pain isn’t shrugged off. And, another thing is this: love may NOT come again. Let’s be real about this and not fall into the blithe pollyanna talk. I appreciate your attempt to be encouraging, but I also appreciate candor and a realistic point-of-view. No offense meant to you at all.

  3. I want to thank you for you advice i hope it will workout for me.. because i’m deeply hurt i really loved that a girl now she dumped me 4 months ago and until now i can’t stop thinking about her w dreaming about her even now it’s 3am and i can’t sleep thinking whether she thinks of me or no.. i really want to move i need help

  4. It’s nice to read articles like this while you’re on the mend – I know so many people go through it and no matter how many times you do, man it really hurts! I had a 4 year, passionate affair with a friend of mine that I’ve known for 17 years, and who is unhappily married. We talked about the future and being together all the time, in fact the last time we saw each other this dominated our conversation. The next day she got caught and effectively disappeared with little or no explanation other than “we can’t talk any more – please do not contact or look for me”. Wowww – that is crushing, being concerned about her on one hand and feeling so utterly empty inside on the other has really left me feeling used, but missing someone at the same time! Anyway, partly venting here but most importantly the article did give me some good pointers… thanks for putting it together…

    • Rob, I feel your pain. I don’t know what to say to make you feel better, except that I know how raw it feels. It was not fair of her to take you to that place if she didn’t intend to follow through, just like it wasn’t fair that he did that to me. All I can do is send you my best wishes, no judgement, and hope we both recover.

  5. Just broke up with my girlfriend and it hurts so much.Loved her very dearly, and was so happy. But now just feel empty and so sad. She is my next door
    neighbour (her cat still calls in), which makes things difficult. Was only a 3 month relationship (we’d known each other 12 years), the first month was just the best, but then I picked up herpes from her which put me in hospital, didn’t blame her for that. Then it all started falling apart, I’d only have to say the wrong thing and she would go ballistic, then later she would apologise. So, I had to end it, bit like falling on my own sword.
    But now just feel so much heartache

  6. At 60yrs old I feel the same intense pain and grief at having to break up with a person whom I knew was no good for me. I loved the sight of him, the way he smelled, every inch of him but he suffers clinical depression and is not stable. Would be okay with something one minute and hours later would lose it over the same thing! Doubted everything.that was good in our life. I gave so much……now to be strong and not give in not reply to his text or email.is falling in love really worth it and do we really have any control over whether we do or not?? 2 weeks and counting hurts every time I stop keeping myself busy

  7. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for four years. The last two is when the emotional abuse took place, or rather when I recognized it. I thought I could pray him through, support him through, love him through, but he chose a woman with 7 kids over me. When I left, he sent me text messages, saying he loved me, sent me a picture of a ring, but I only had two alternatives: stay there and deal with him and the other woman, or leave. It hurts sooooooo bad now, and I’m not sure what to do. I am currently drinking a bottle of liquor which I know is not right..but I’m hurting. I feel the emotions more than ever. I’m just happy that the holiday is around the corner, and I will be spending it with family. I know that once some time passes, I will feel better, but right now, I feel horrible. Haven’t felt like this in years, and now, I’m nearing 36; seems like this feels worse than any previous heartbreaks. I thought we were on our way to marriage, and I invested myself in the relationship. So hopefully, I am able to sleep peacefully tonight without waking up dejected.

  8. Thanks so much for this post, it’s currently 4:15am and I cannot sleep due to my mind going in overdrive! Its now Wednesday, and on the weekend just passed, I spent an intimate night with the person I love, we briefly dated around 2 and a half years ago, but it didn’t work out. I have spoke to him since the weekend, but neither of us has mentioned our feelings towards it. In tempted to phone or text him, but don’t want to come a cross as desperate. I have loved him for a long time, and he has told me he loves me too. I feels so right to be with him and I do not regret the weekend, it makes me smile when I think about it, but then I go crazy because I don’t know this thoughts about it. Definatly going to try some of your tips mentioned, such as respecting yourself, this is probably a biggie, if im not respecting my self and maintaining dignity then im more likely to look a fool, I need to keep my chin up and stop downplaying aspects of my life, I see good things in my life as not being significant whereas I should be seeing how significant they actually are……thank you so much, I will attempt to get more sleep now :)

    • time time time gets lots of fresh air look at the little things that make you happy its been 5 weeks now for me that i had my heart ripped out but life is about living the people that never experience pain like this really will never understand and say stuff like get over it . every night before i go to bed i thank God that he gave me the strength to get through the day with my head up.

  9. How do you tell your heart to stop loving someone you have love for 20 years? I can barely breathe. how do I not fall apart in front of my children?

    • My husband of 31 yrs walked out on me in 2010 and I thought I would never breathe again. I was in a fetal position in the closet. I went to therapy had to take meds due to anxiety and severe depression (I only took them for a short period). My therapist said “you will cry gallons” let it come let it out. To me crying was a sign of weakness. Slowly through the tears I began to emerge, very small steps but I found my way back to me. Don’t spend days agonizing of what was, but try to do things, invest in yourself. Learn something new. I learned to love myself, I wear my birthstone ring on the finger I once wore my engagement ring. I look down and reminds me that I love me and that I have value and worth.

      I had a difficult summer, my Dad died, got divorced, sold my house and my dog died. Any one of these things would make someone depressed, but I am still standing. Still have bad afternoons/nights, but I know it will pass. You are human forgive and love yourself and don’t waste time on “what if” “should of could of”, these are the cards you were dealt, find the positive and just put one foot in front of the other and keep moving. I promise the pain will lessen. It never totally goes away, but it lessens and you learn to laugh again.

      I found love again (and yes it scares the living daylights out of me) so I go slow and I have no expectations.

      Remember in life there are no guarantees. Your husband/wife could leave after 30 yrs or 10 days, just trust in yourself, feel sad, cry, scream, rage because you know tomorrow is a new day full of new possibilities.

      • I like your post, A LOT!!! 22 years plus 4 dating down the toilet. But 2 GREAT kids came out of it,so that’s what i have to see 1st, before moving on to me.

  10. I fell in love for the first time and had my heart broken. The relationship I had was of nine years and it is about 10 months now since it happened. I broke off the relationship when I found out he had been cheating on me. He lived a double life and had another relationship for 4 years out of nine that we were together. My heart has built up scar tissue from the pain and I am mending it with love and care. I feel as though I can never love someone as much as I can ever love myself, so I guard my scarred heart and built a fortress to keep invaders out. I understand that it is not healthy but I feel that it is something I must do to protect it from pain that is still lingering. I want to feel safe, secure, and whole again before I expose my heart to someone who is going to take great care of it. Thank you for your tips on how to heal my broken heart it helped me out a whole lot. Reading this blog is helping me through the healing process.

  11. im 29.. med student in a foreing country. Fell in love with a beautiful haitian man. after two years of being in this relationship … and good times and bad… (more bad) he says he gives up. He dumped me 3 times before this one, and since my love for him is blind and pure.. i took him back. He knows this. He knows i will do anything for him but yet thats not good enough. Like he says i have a horrible personality …if so.. why he came back… why to play games. I feel devastated, anxious and super lonely. Life is so unfair right now. I dont even know how to trust anyone after this. I do want to love and be loved. I feel so insecure of me right now… i though i did so many good things for him and he doesnt even remember one. :(

    • Joane I can relate in the same situation as you in a different part of my country moved for her I think I was only used to satisfy her until her perfect mate came alone .Now it has only 6 weeks since she bolted and said the old thing just want to be friends .If this person knew how stupid this sounds he or she would never say such foolish things ,How can you be just friend with someone you would die for and knowing they are sleeping with someone else.The only thing that would posses someone to say such bull shit is that person was not in love butt was only satisfying there own selfish needs how pathetic.move on you sound like a great successful person and will find someone that loves you not uses you take this time for your self and if he was such a great man like you said he would not do this to you he needs to grow some balls and just let you find true love .:)

  12. I have learnt a lesson and its always the painful ones that you remember the most I was blinded by a beautiful fun loving red head that her giggle would make your knees wobble .Fell hard even didnt realize it at the time went out for almost two years lived provenience apart .I was all in and she was all done its funny how love can make you blind now that I look back and see all the signs that she had other motives I feel so stupid that I never saw them before and I would have spared all this pain however learnt a big lesson and now a little wiser.

  13. I guess I learnt how to love her more than myself. My ex and I have broke up for more than 2 months, and we still keep in touch with each other.
    Until recently, I got to know that she has started a new relationship with another guy. It really hurts me a lot.
    It just feels like you are no longer with yourself. But now I understand loving someone the most does not necessarily to have her by your side. She is the deepest love that I ever had.

  14. This is a great article. I hope you guys all find new love.

    I am in a bit of a mess right now myself. I had an affair with someone for four years. He left his girlfriend twice for me, then I chickened out. He then tried to break up with me and I stupidly had been heading in the polar opposite direction. I love him. But I don’t know why. He can say really mean things. But I deserve them. But after one particularly good date, he told me he was getting married 2 wks later. Then he said he had been thinking about changing his mind because of me. But he didn’t. He went through with it. I saw him last week for dinner and he kissed me right away but he told me that he could never imagine us being together longer term anymore. I feel so sad every day. I know I’m perpetuating my grief because I won’t allow myself to move on. That he contemplated not marrying her makes me believe that he still has feelings for me. He has said as much. His marriage is doomed to failure – he told me he is not in love with her – but that he felt trapped into doing it. If I let go now, and they break up, I will have lost him a second time. I read this back and I’m shocked at the things I’ve written because i’ve been unable to talk to anyone about this before. My feeling for him are so intense. I’ve never felt that before.

  15. After reading every single comment on here, I realize there are many broken-hearted people out there. I ended a physically abusive relationship on Christmas day, and am having a very difficult time. We were together for a year, and he was soooo amazingly loving and attentive to me. He complimented me all the time, rubbed my back every night, and did everything for me. I know that he loves me deeply, but something is wrong in his head. He started group therapy 3 mnths ago, but it wasn’t helping. He became very violent toward me on Christmas day, and I called the police. Of course, all of my friends and family hate him and are concerned for my safety. But I STILL love him, and he is texting me and telling me he how much he loves me and can’t live without me. I miss him and want to tell him to come home, but I know nothing has changed, and I could end up hurt badly. I have a masters degree in counseling, and feel unbelievably stupid to have gotten myself in this situation. I love him deeply, and can’t imagine being with anyone else. I have to find the strength to stay away from him. This is a situation that is very difficult to understand, if you haven’t been in it. Most people will just say, “You’re crazy! He doesn’t love you! You need to leave him!” But it’s not that simple. There’s an element of addiction… And even know you have the knowledge that it’s bad for you, you can’t stop.

  16. Ted how you going now? Did you have children?

  17. Dear LW I feel your pain…. Just know that you deserve better and he will come back when it will be too late.

  18. Ok, I’ve read a lot of these sad stories. Why? Because my beautiful girlfriend just broke up with me. I’ve got the pain in my chest and can’t stop thinking about her right now. But guess what? She doesn’t want me so she doesn’t deserve me and good luck to her if she can find a better guy than me. I’m ok and she’s the one who has lost, not me. Hey, if someone doesn’t want you then there’s nothing you can do about it. The quicker you let go and move on, the better. Don’t waste your precious life moping over someone who doesn’t appreciate what a great person you are. Toughen up a little. Think about all the times you were happy before you even knew your ex existed. You’re ok and it’s their loss, not yours. I can’t wait to meet the next love of my life. How about you? There are lots of beautiful people in this world just right for you. Go out and find one. Finally, be good to yourself despite the pain.

    • That’s one of the smartest things I’ve ever heard. So simple, yet so hard.

    • It’s a great thought and if I works for u then don’t bother with the rest of this one but at least in my opinion it’s just a nice thought it doesn’t stop the physical pain in my heart the deep sadness engulfing my body my ex left me for one of my “good friends” I found out today that she’s pregnant with his kid but this happened over 2 years ago why have I not gotten over her? Why is it so imprinted in my brain that even after all that time I’m still just as in love with her as if it were yesterday I just want it to stop I want to turn my heart off if only I could

    • Savvy,you’re right on in what you said. I red pages and pages of replies, but yours told me what I knew in my heart of hearts. All things are in divine order. I am so worthy of the kind of sincere love I offered him. My loud chirping bird got under his skin,and my cuddling with her turned him off. He wanted a day off from me (and Scooter) and today he has not called or returned my calls. I just texted him an hour ago: “So…we’re done?” No reply even to that. Fine I deserve better, and you helped me see that.

  19. Heart broken is not only for young people. I am 53 and my lady is 51. We fell in love when I was 17 and she was 15, but because of circumstance and youth, we did not see each other again until last year. By then, we were both married for 24 years, with two kids for each of us. Both of our marriages are not good, but okay. However, we both feel like we are searching for something. When we found each other online last year, it is like the search was over. We chat as friend at first. Then, as time passes, the love came back, and we fall madly in love with each other again, even though we have not seen each other for 30+ years. It is as if we continue from where we left off at 17 again. We chat online everyday for 4-5 hours a day for the entire year. Finally, we met face to face 3 months ago. We planned to simply talk since we were both married. But, we could not help ourselves and rushed into each other arms and made love passionately for the entire short visit. Yes, we both committed bad sins. Something that I never thought we were capable of.

    We made plan to leave our marriages, and marry each other. Since both our spouses were not caring type, we thought the divorce would be simple. We made all kinds of plans and how we would spend our older years catching up the youth years we have lost.

    When we told our spouses that we would like a divorce, both spouse were shocked. There were great sadness and both spouses plead each side to stay. On top of that, kids on both sides were emotionally affected by the breakup of their parents although there is no hardship financially to both spouses. After two weeks of crying and talking from spouses and kids, at the end, both of us made the scarify to remain with our marriages for the sake of our kids and 24 years of marriages.

    Although we care for our spouses, we are so madly in love with each other. We decided to go back to our spouses yesterday. We decided to cut all communications from each other so that we won’t hurt our spouses feeling and cause suspicious or gave ourselves the opportunities to commit sins again. We are basically give up our happiness for the happiness of others.

    Now, I am going through so much pains and anger. I am not able to works, I feel pains every where, I feel like my world has ended with no hope and no joys. There is nothing but emptiness in me. I can hardly going through my days. My kids asked me that since I decided to stay, am I happy? I can hardly bring my voice to answer them…other than that I am staying for them. My spouse is very happy when I say that I changed my mind and decided to stay. I, on the other hands, is filled with sadness.

    I am not sure if we have done the right thing. Love such as our are very hard to find, and we have been given 2nd chances. Now, we are looking to live the rest of our lives with people we do not love, and longing for each other. By the time, kids leave home, we would be in our mid 60′s and unless both spouse pass on, it will not be possible for us to ever be together.

    We would have been those old couple who holding each other hands when we walk and looked at each other with passion even when we are old and gray. Now, those are just dream that won’t come true.

    How can I get rid of these pains of losing the love of my life, so I can do the right thing for everyone else.

  20. I read 10tips etc, I’m going through most of those things at the moment. I’m 30yr old, I don’t really let people in my life, straight off, As I’ve been hurt in the past. I’m a type of person not to ask for much, only love, honesty, trust, loyalty. I’m not a materialistic person. I believe in being honest in a relationship, no matter how bad the issue is. Rather than someone hurt me with a lie. Anyway I met a guy about 16 months ago, i explained what I was looking for in a person and he seemed to agree. He said he would never lie or cheat on me. He seemed for the first 6 months a gentleman, which he was. I thought perfect, we became really close and I thought At the time, we fell in love with each other. Not long after things started to crop up with other random women and ex Gf texts , calls. His phone was always on silent, he would never answer calls around me or anything. I know I should have not looked, but I saw a number of things on his phone. Random photos of women and messages he had sent to his friends with attached photos of different women. Basically saying he had stayed with her that evening etc( not in a polite way either). He came out with so many excuses and lies. For some reason I was in love with him. He had always maintained in the relationship that he loved me, that he wanted to marry me and he wouldn’t cheat on me or lie. He also use to say if he never wanted to be with me, he wouldn’t have introduced me to his mom. All through the relationship he was very moody and emotionally abusive, he used to call me some terrible names and say terrible things. It seemed all he would ever talk about was him n what he wanted. He never cared about how I was feeling. He lied through the whole of the relationship, on work trips and other times, he would cause arguements on purpose , then not talk to me. He also use to emotionally blackmail me and make me feel as if it was me and I was being unfair. I’m normally a smiley person, but through it, all I did was cry everyday. I would try, be understanding and explained how I felt, he would say he would change. Then would do the same and come around with a gift to try to make it better( i always declined the gift, as I said its about u respecting me). He had so many chances off me. Anyway January this year, He said new start . That he would try and he wanted to win my heart back and he wanted to get married and have children with me in the future. Last week I caught him out , he said he was out with friends, but he met up with his ex. He claimed she just turned up and just needed to talk to him and she is engaged to someone else. It was like a knife through my heart. He said he was sorry and wanted to make it better, I spoke to his mom and told her that I won’t be seeing her anymore. She asked why? So I told the truth, I couldn’t lie. She was upset bec she liked me. He was angry that I did that and started to threaten my family and he started to ask for materialistic things bk that he has bought me , over the year. I stood up for myself I said, I wasn’t scared of him and it shows what type of person he is to threaten my family. He then emailed me a lot of abuse. I told it was over that I don’t want to be with him. It’s been days since last contact, I have changed my number too. I know he is doing his normal things and getting on his life and has probably replaced me with someone else already coz he is that type of person. Honestly I did really love him and I don’t know why?. It hurts that he would want to hurt me intentionally and my family. I only asked for him to be honest. I feel like a fool and an idiot. I feel alone, I cry most days. My sleeping pattern is everywhere and I’m not eating either and have not been to work. My heart really aches, I know it’s my own fault aswell for letting it carry on. Why are people so nasty sometimes to want to hurt another person, especially when they claim to love them? , What happened to soul mates? I just want to be happy and find that special one. Please may someone help me bec I can’t seem to find the any answers.

    • U have exactly the same situation as my friend’s. And seems like u have gone thru a lot, U gave eveything u have and everything u can to make it work without success. Let me tell u one thing, u’re or was in an unfair relationship, relationship must be give and take and it is no longer healthy if one party is in pain while the other is in gain. Prioritize urself this time, consider also the people who care and wish the best for u. And focus on somethings that matters to u. Sometimes u just need to let go of the things that hurt u. Don’t wait for that day when all that’s left is pain. Respect urself enough to get out of the relationship as it no longer serves u. Don’t let get this the best of u, and find urself on ur own. It’s not going to be easy but u need to help urself. Don’t give him the satisfaction of seeing u like this. U’re better off without him. Move on with ur life.

    • Maria….your so right…please email me to talk discuss both of our pains and such…

      im in the most and absoulte desperate need of talking and relating to someone who knows and understands!!!

      id appreciate it!!

      thanks

      • Jason ,

        I’m sorry for the immensely late reply. I have had so many things change and happen in my life over the last few months. A quick update on things, I’m still not with him. As I mentioned before, I changed my number. My ex found my new number out and has been harassing me since. I have ignored every phone call, text and emails. It’s everyday….! He also keeps turning up at my house, he has threaten to kick down the door etc. I have called the police, but they are not much use. In the end I have been forced to move house to somewhere else. It’s been a stressful few months, I do realise one thing. That we are better, without these ex’s in our life. Don’t get me wrong I still get low days, that is from everything that is/has been happening. At the same time I feel a bit stronger each day. I don’t regret parting from this person. The only regret was letting this person hurt me for so long. How are you feeling now and your situation? You sounded in immense heart ache,sorry I was not there when u needed. Please accept my apologies.

    • Even though this situation with my ex has happened and I set myself free. My heart is still in pain, I found myself crying today for the first time in weeks. NOT because I want him back. More of the pain and hurt he has caused for what?? Really for what? I do not understand, why people want to hurt other human beings… :(

      I really do hope, wish that everyone on this site , who has commented. Find love and true happiness because you deserve it. With love xx

  21. Thanks a lot for sharing such an information on broken heart. In personal speaking 90 percent of human being has moved through this situation of broke heart trouble it happens to me too. May be those who are lucky could avoid it. But I also feel or rather its my personal view that love is not complete without a broken relation. It’s actually shows you the truth.

  22. I met my Ex Bryan when I was 15.. Been with him for 4 yrs and things were rocky but we were young and he was my first love first of everything. Got pregnant at 17 and had a miscarriage because of stress. In all honesty at the time I didn’t know how to love but I was learning as time went by.. When we broke up I didn’t know how to deal with it because he was my first of everything and I loved him deeply. I never cheated on him or even thought about it because he was everything I wanted in a guy. Now I’m about to be 24 no kids And no man. He’s in a relationship and every time I think about it I still cry because we ended on bad terms. If I could have anything in this world it would be him and as I grew older I learned what love really means.. Never give up on someone no matter what the situation may be. I just wanna tell him how I really feel but I’m scared that I may sound stupid. We been broken up for about 4 years and I’m still waiting for him to come back. I never been in love with someone the way I was with him. How do I get over this?

  23. There is some good advice but how do u fix ur heart when people just keep breaking it? Iam 31 and i dont think i have ever felt true live from someone else.I gave my heart to every guy i been with. I tried my best but thats not good enough. For some reason anyone i love or am really close to does something so mean and heartless. Like just recently i found my first love after 13 years everuthing was good one. Day then the next he wouldnt even talk to me then he txts me @ 3am and breaks up with me without even giving me a reason. And my heart is still not repaired from my last relationship which ended in aug nd he strung me along till nov then he gets into a relationship with my so called friend. And she had the nerve to say oh i hope one day u can forgive us and we can all still be friend…. LIKE FOR REAL!!!!! iam soo broken since thusday i have list 6 pounds and i have not gotten much sleep. I feel like my life is meant to be filled with emitional pain and suffering.. It makes a person think whats the point if going on any more. My life since i was a small child has been hard i had to geresponsible for too much fir the age i was and now im an adult ive tried so many diffrent ways and no matter what i do my heart always gets broken. This year it got broke 2 times last year 1 and the year before that like 3. I cant take getting hurt all the time… Andbi doubt many will know how i feel. Iam a cancer which means i am very emotionally sensitive and easily depresssed its like i never even had. Chance. I wish there was something i can do to make it stopni try to he a happy and positve person all yhe time even if im hurt inside. I have always helped my friends and lovers however i could and now there isnt really anyone here for me when i need it.

  24. Thank you. Sincerely.

  25. For me, the best medicine for the broken heart is a good workout, or more like several weeks of them ;-)
    It’s the best way to get your mind off of the bad stuff and back into a good place. Yoga is great too, drop in on a class next time you’re at the gym and the clearing effect on your mind is fantastic!

  26. Hi guys…. I feel so unlucky, I just can’t take this… I just broke up with this monster this minute!! He just makes me feel so rejected, like am always the wrong person. He is not concerned abt me and when I complain it look like ” y do I like fights ?” at first i thought of patience but honestly I think I urgently need to be single, maybe I can be stronger,but it just kills me inside… It hurts me such that I fail to understand y fail to controll my emotions… But after reading this article I feel eased, much better. I hope I wil make it and…. I will be a super woman….

  27. It’s good to see others are going through the same sorts of things. I don’t feel so alone. I just got dumped and I always wonder what about all the promises? Like ill never leave you Jessie.. Why would someone say that stuff ? It’s so hard.

  28. I broke up my boyfriend two days ago as I found out that he is still sleeping with his ex partner. It hurts and the pain is unbearable. I can’t function at work, I can’t think properly, I can’t eat or sleep. When will this pain go away. I just want to feel normal again and forget this person. Help!!

  29. I have tried all of this I even moved as far a possible but I still feel the pain its killing me inside I don’t what to do anymore I just want my life over

  30. I broke up a few weeks ago with a lovely,lovely man. He broke up with me rather.Life without him hurts like crazy but I have to forge ahead. My mother left me with some really good advice,told me that I have to live to live in this world and that life goes on.That advice has proved helpful in a number of situations,this latest one among them. Someone who counsels people a lot told me that I need to mourn the passing of this relationship,the death of a relationship is like the death of a person. A bereavement.Allow yourself to mourn. Like me,others might find it helpful to take a holiday from men-just go to all women things for a while.That’s what I’m doing.

  31. i totally, loved this . i am going through some stuff. just broke up with a guy i love so much. he hurt me so bad an am thinking how am i gonna move on from this. this has really helped me. am going to go through this and not around it. it just hurts too much. but i know am strong. and i have hope that something good will come out of this experience *hopefully*. i will take a while to get over him but i guess its for the best.

  32. I knew from the moment I saw him I wanted to be his but I was in a loveless relationship at the time. When I say loveless, my partner was potentially in love with me but I did not feel it back and only saw him as a friend. Anyway, a month after the relationship ended the other man started making his moves and we ended up together and of course I feel for him almost instantly. Now, he was in the last year of his university course, I’m finishing my second, and whilst I live in this city regardless he came from another. This was fine, and I’d always figured we’d have to try long distance, but he got a sudden job opportunity of a lifetime performing abroad. The stress of rushing to get everything finished in time to go for this job took such a strain on our new two-three month relationship that we had to end it on the basis of him not loving me in the way he had thought. Loving me, but not in love with me, and maybe not even that now. It just hurts, and I feel like I’m being punished for being cruel to previous partners….

  33. Just a question on this post, you mention that experiencing a broken heart will one day bear fruit. Would like to know what you are specifically referring to? Been hanging around now and still no fruit?

    Thanks

    Tarrin

  34. Hi I just want to say Thank you for all your words. It help me a lot because right now I am feeling really depress and broken hearded. Some day all of us will know someone that is going to be really the one and we are going to be happy. That is my hope and my strength. xoxo

  35. All this helps my head but not my heart.
    How do you move on when you know they still love you?
    We were both separated from our spouses….the relationship (3.5yrs) had started prior to him leaving his wife but it was always going to happen. He’s had his own place for 6 months and we saw each other regularly. We’ve worked together for years.
    I’ve never known love like it…he idolised me and we had great plans for the future…holidays, marriage…he was my best friend. He’d met my family and friends and my little boy.
    My separation was amicable…his anything but…I had not met any of his family or friends.
    5 weeks ago his wife ‘pops’ into his house with the youngest daughter.
    All hell has since broken loose….she called work to see if anyone knew anything etc etc.
    So, now work know…and he is in a high management position (although no rules over relationships) and says he’s just waiting for ‘the call’…his wife is speeding thru the divorce, his family know, the solicitors know and of course his kids are aware something is wrong…more badly wrong than when he left.
    The youngest is having counselling at school, the eldest just won’t talk to him.
    He has said he can’t do it anymore. He works from home now to avoid the office and me.
    He says he has no room for anything but making his kids happy and work.
    It’s too hard for him having me so close, he misses me but he has to sort his mess out.
    I said I could wait! But he just said he can’t see past next week…never mind the next few months. I am absolutely devastated. He always said we could get through anything as long as we did it together. We loved each other completely right to the end. I feel like my heart has been literally ripped out. The future seems so empty, I struggle to find the point to doing anything.
    I know time is meant to heal but I have no energy to get out there. My friends are few and I struggle to talk through this stuff anyway.
    I feel like I have nothing. And I’m scaring myself because I have a son who I love soooo much….but what do I have to give him?
    My mum says ‘never say never’….but I can’t keep hope in my heart indefinitely….it would just delay this pain wouldn’t it???
    How do you go on???

  36. Im torn at this time :,( this pain feels like im dyin….i have been by my boyfriend side during a prison sentence and never turned my back on him mentally physically emotionally and financially. Only to find out that he has another female and he posted it on facebook for the world to see. So when i confront him he tells me “its an old friend and we will talk about it at a later date” is this what i deserve after 3 years? And he also laughed at me during the argument….not only do i feel embarrassed but i am ashamed to be around my friends. He hasnt called me or anything to say sorry for hurting you or an explanation of why he did this to me. I cant stop crying and i jus dont kno what to do. I have been praying but i feel like he has won and is livin the good life while im depressed and ashamed. Can anyone help me? It hurts so badly :((( i feel like the past 3 years were all a lie. How could someone treat a person so bad thats been there for them when no one has? HELP ME

    • Oh Amanda, I feel your pain. It is imcomprehensible. I have turned to the friends who do care, how are constant and true. I hope that you have friends like that in your life.

  37. my son father and I have been in an off and on relationship for about 8 years there were some cheating that took place on both sides but I guess I really did it in big time, I had grown to dislike him and no longer wanted to be with him he tried very hard to win me back we planned on getting a house , even went house shopping then we decided to get an apartment together which I totally backed out of I was ok with the idea of him being with other ppl because I felt like he did not owe me anything nor do I, I guess was selfish in my own ways, this year January we spoke again about getting an apartment again and I backed out, but now I feel so incomplete without him like I never gave him a chance to be good to me as I mentioned before we both cheated on each other he just never wants to admit to them but I know, well he found someone went on vacation with him I saw the pics and it hurts me to see him with someone else spending quality time, we spoke I told him I wanted him back but I guess he is in love he said he cannot hurt her , I feel like I messed up so bad , he has found someone and there is no more me I do love him and I just want to stop hurting or is it that am very selfish , and has now become a jealous person , I keep telling myself let him go I caused enough problems in his life I love him but I do understand my actions… I wish him the best I truly do just not ready to accept it’s no longer me in his life and now there is another woman with the man I let get away… such is life u live and u learn

  38. I am sry but ur tips didn’t help me the girl I liked left yesterday cuas she had to go to Alberta and I can’t see her anymore but I have only a pic of her ;((((

  39. I fell in love the first day i saw him and things just spiralled downwards. He didn’t look at me even greeted me. My heart fell to my stomach. The thing was i’m gay and his straight and fell for my colleague. Now i have to face her and him together. I can’t skip town or find new friends,cause she is my best friend. Can’t blame him or her,cause they don’t know how i feel. Your advice is great but how do i implement these in my life. I need to be strong,but to see them every day is making me sick. What a live hey,dont worry i’ll survive,always have. Keep up the good work. Mwah

  40. Never really knew what was meant by “A broken heart” now I do.
    As fifty one year old man I thought I was pretty much bomb proof regarding affairs of the heart.Turns out I’m not.
    Fiends advise,”Go and get another girlfriend” etc.I can’t think of anything I would rather do less! well maybe bungee jump.
    I’m not going into any detail,don’t really see the point of that.If it hurts,it hurts.
    Having read a lot of the posts on here and taken up some of the advice etc,I have to say that,for me,crying helps,I’m alone in my house,it’s a lovely day in Manchester,and I’ve spent the best part of it crying and thinking about me as a person.I sat down last week and was told over the phone about all my shortcomings.I found myself apologizing for these silly little errors of judgement..Like giving her kids money on their birthday so they could buy something they really wanted,instead of something they didn’t really want.And on and on and on.Thinking about it after yet another bloody good cry,It dawned on me that I’m a pretty decent sort of guy who has put her first for nearly a year now.
    I made my own list…it’s long,it’s truthful,it’s the slap in the face I needed,the list is about her.Strange thing is,it’s kinda cheered me up a little
    To everyone who’s posted on here.If you’ve taken the time to search out this site and read what others are going through I think you’ve taken the first step,and I sincerely hope we all come out of it better and stronger for it.

    • Quick update.
      It’s been a hard ten or so days.When she came to my house to return my things and pick hers up,I nearly broke down,happy to say I held it together,till she left at least.
      I’m pleased to say that my state of mind is returning to something like normal,it still hurts a lot,I still cry,but feel better afterwards.
      Found out she had been unfaithful,no great shock really,in a funny way kinda makes it truly final.
      All photos thrown/deleted,ditto,texts and e mails,I enjoyed doing that.
      So now it’s time to wish her all the best and get on with my life.I know the tears will flow for a while yet,and that’s fine.

  41. I’ve been with my husband for a little over 5 years now and got married about a year ago. We have a beautiful one year old son whom we both adore. The only problem is that he treats me as if I wasnt here. I get absolutely no affection from him. I know he doesn’t want to be with me because of how he treats me but I just cant let go. He has told me that the only reason he comes home is for our son. That if it wasnt for him there would be no reason to go home. I feel worthless.

  42. Imagine, just imagine having all the people in this blog, and I mean every single one of us in a room, silence, gloom and depression is the last thing we will “DO” , you know what we’ll do , in one voice , in one accord , with a single purpose in our minds we will rise up and say “to hell with our past , to hell with our history, regret and whatever else, its time to have a explosive party, folks Iam encouraged to be here and read all the posts , and it struck me more then any group inthis whole wide world we can feel each others heartbeat, and I just wanna say this lets rise up kick the past in the dirt , cause there is a time for everything in this world, and this here is a time to give our hearts a kick in the ass and say were ready , and to life “bring it on” , cause ALL of us “have seen nothing yet baby” , the best is yet to come, can you feel me, the key pads on my key board is about to come off with the thumping,
    we will all hold our selves in high esteem, we don’t need anyone’s approval or rejection to live this life, I say again we choose to believe that good times is still ahead and i don’t give a damn if your 99 , as long as we live we have hope. If I were close to you I will certainly give you a hug . we will all make it cheers my brothers and sisters

    • You have to experience it to understand someone else’s pain….we do..

  43. hurting a lot right now……was very vulnerable after a divorce….great person for 25 years..just not for each other…went right into a relationship with a handsome…built like an adonis man who i never thought would pick me..stupid me…let him use me to the breaking point in all areas of my life….haven’t drank for 23 years…but feel like he was a relapse because i lost everything for him…thank God for people in my life right now cuz this hurts like hell….

  44. Excellent article. I’m busy battling ‘mild depression’ brought on by being dumped after 18 mo. Strangely you still love the person, love cant turn to hate, and i have to continue without him cos the pain he’s caused me i cannot have from him again. And yes it’s an uphill slog. I know somehow i’ll get to the end of the tunnel, i dont know when. I miss him daily and its been 2 mo now. As for opening myself again. . maybe one day. Not now. I couldnt bear it now. I smile and grin, but inside i ‘m crying blood tears. One day i’ll be better. There is no other option i have to. I’d rather hurt than not love. Or would I? ???

  45. The pain I feel, is unbearable. For a year and a half, I was with a man whom I considered to be my soul mate. It was long distance, he lived over an hour away, and didn’t have a car, so every weekend I drove up to stay with him. We were perfect for each other, seemingly. He always had this special talent of making me feel like absolute crap, yet he always insisted he loved me, and needed me, anytime I said anything about it. I didn’t trust him, being so far away, and in the party scene, yet I continuously gave him the benefit of the doubt.
    We argued a lot, but it was always me who started it. We had problems, but we both agreed our love would conquer any issues that arose. I have never fallen so deeply for someone. Every waking minute he was on my mind. Then, after having a beautiful weekend together, he told me to go home. I did, and he didnt speak to me for three weeks. I messaged him, and called him, and he refused to reply. Finally, he responded, saying he needed to be single for a while, to “figure himself out.” It has been three months, and I haven’t heard from him since, and I know now that I never will again. I miss him so much. I was supposed to be his wife. We were going to travel the world together. I have nightmares of him, every night. I can’t listen to any of the music we liked, I just cry. I have panic attacks when I’m out in public, because I’ll smell him, or see someone with similar gestures as him. I can’t get out of this blanket of pain, and I don’t know what to do. Life no longer has any meaning.

    • Hi Emma.
      Hope your OK.I think the only thing that helps is time.You may well get to a stage where your sick and tired of listening to yourself thinking about it for hours on end.That’s what happened to me,and I just said,you know what!enough.Took a fair while,but it did,and that was the start of things getting better.And it will for you.
      All the best.

  46. My ex moved out of town to be with his new love which was a relief to me. He actually moved to some place I couldn’t stand (hotter tha hell there!)so I didn’t envy him.I didn’t have to face him around our small town anymore. Just a relief he was gone!

  47. Im just going through a break up as my BF of 1.5 years, has been texting another woman for sex.I have been suspicious for some time now and when a friend of mine over heard his name being mentioned in a text, she told me and as a result we are parting. Im absolutely heartbroken as i love him so much. Im 42 and he is 45. Dont know how im going to get through this mess and i feel like a total fool for letting myself fall for him. I believed in love again after meeting him. I have 3 children too and they are devastated, and it hurts them to see me so upset. My heart aches so much even my head hurts.

  48. Hi everyone. I was reading through the posts and can empathize with you all. I don’t know what the answer is. I was just dumped after a 5.5 year relationship. I loved him and his family dearly and treated his son as my own (I have 2 grown children). One day as we were sitting watching tv he told me he wanted out and that it had nothing to do with me but it was something he had to do for himself. He moved out within two weeks. There were no problems, no infidelity, just a comfortable relationship. We had fun, we went out, then we were over. We still talk and neither of us are seeing anyone. I would love nothing more than to call him everyday just to hear his voice, but I don’t. He usually calls me once a week, we chat, and then we go our separate ways. I did immediately move from the area so there was no chance that I would run into him and no chance there would be a ‘booty’ call from him. My weekdays are okay because I’m busy at work and at night don’t really have time to think, but the weekends are different. I start dreading the weekend on Friday evenings. Saturday and Sunday I’m usually upset. This breakup has created problems at work because sometimes I can’t focus. I don’t want to go out because I don’t want to be the ‘downer’ at a restaurant and I don’t want to put myself in a situation were, although slight as it may be, I would become an easy target for someone else. His family told him he was making the biggest mistake of his life and that gives me some comfort that they appreciated me. My family’s feelings are, he wasn’t the right person for you and we didn’t like him. My father was my hero and died almost 20 years ago. I made it through that difficult time by telling myself I wasn’t the lone ranger and that there were some people who never had their father at all. I did turn to my religious beliefs and did survive. This is different. The hurts the same but different. When someone dies, they are leaving you not because they want to, but because they have no choice. When a relationship ends, the person leaves you because they made the choice that they did not want to maintain that relationship. It cuts you to the core and affects your self esteem, your thoughts, your decisions, and can make you doubt yourself. I try and always look for the good in people and also believe that the right door won’t open until the wrong door is closed. Don’t get me wrong…that’s what my head tells me but my heart is just as ripped open as yours and I sit here typing this with tears rolling down my face. I once told a good friend that to become a whole person again, you have to get your heart and your brain to align and this can’t be done until the heart completes the grieving process. It hurts, it can be debilitating, and you can be confused. But know this people…you ALL are good, strong, loving individuals who WILL make it through this journey with your heart whole again. Then you can truly move on and love with all your heart. Don’t try and fix it by jumping into another relationship. As hard as it may be, I know I have to find peace and happiness by myself before I can find it with another. I have told myself I will never allow myself to love like this again because it’s just too painful. Let’s be serious, who would willingly walk through a fire knowing they were going to get burned? BUT, you all have something great and wonderful to give and when you allow yourself to heal, BEFORE moving on to another, the sky is the limit on the relationship you can have. Again, I know that in my head even when my heart is telling me it will never mend. The article is so true and I wish I could find the words to help you all to feel better but my heart hurts so much it’s hard. Try to do the things the article is suggesting, know you are a good person, know you have something to give, and KNOW you will get through this even when it feels like you’re not. Have one good friend that will listen when you need someone to talk too. Start a journal to ‘talk’ it out. But don’t hang with people you both knew or that will ask about him/her. I was fortunate in being able to move and in one way it has helped tremendously because nothing is familiar from an ‘us’ standpoint. No one knows him, knows I was in a relationship or not in a relationship. It is lonely because I have no friends here or family, but that’s okay as my family is only one hour away. I can talk to them on the phone any time I want. Sorry for the rambling and jumping around with my ideas but that’s how my mind is working right now. I know it will get better.

    I wish you all the best and want you to keep your chin up…you are important!

  49. Anyone reading this Story should please rejoice with me because I felt rejected and dejected once by my Wife the same way as any other do with heartbreak before i met Dr. orinoko Online my email is firstaxo@ gmail.com. My issue is with her co workers she always istexting them even after I told her how I feel about it. She will stop for while and then start all over. She always tells me how fat and old these Men are but I did know that she was using that as a distraction for me not to suspect her. Today I have now found out she is setting up lunch dates with one of them. I no longer can take it. I do not understand why she keeps doing this to me. She even comes home late after work now and she finally went away and broke up with me, well i been at psychic but all the same. what should I do? until my friend introduced me to a sorcerer that assisted to reunite her husband. get him with orinokosolutiontemple1@ gmail.com you can contact him. so i use this means to tell people how happy and how much i appreciate the good dr.

  50. I am having trouble sleeping tonight. I was in a relationship with a man 7 years ago. We broke up and then got back together. Soon after I became pregnant and he questioned my pregnancy. Being of strong mind I packed up my things and moved back home out of NYC to be closer to my family. I was hurt that this man who said he loved me could have turned on me. Although we never had a relationship after my pregnancy I found out through his sister he was married and had a wife. How? when?where? no clue because I went to his place of work to his home and nothing. I contacted him yesterday because my son asked about him. He hadn’t seen him in over 4yrs. I wanted him to just tell me he doesn’t love him so I can leave him alone. He response is he loves him. later I get an email from his wife of ten years telling me she has nothing against me and all sorts of things. I thought I was over him. But clearly tonight I know it’s not the case. I truly loved him hence why I had my son. But it hurt to do it on my own…and then it hurt to know why. Now this. How do these people hurt others they claim to love and be so evil. he said he loved me and truly acted that way. Through the years my heart gets colder and there are nights I think about the shame I feel and I.can’t breathe.

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