Bess Myerson once wrote that “to fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful.” Especially if you are the one who wanted the relationship to last.
Mending a broken heart is never easy. There is no quick way to stop your heart from hurting so much.
To stop loving isn’t an option. Author Henri Nouwen writes, “When those you love deeply reject you, leave you, or die, your heart will be broken. But that should not hold you back from loving deeply. The pain that comes from deep love makes your love ever more fruitful.”
But how do we get beyond the pain? Here are 10 tips I’ve gathered from experts and from conversations with friends on how they patched up their heart and tried, ever so gradually, to move on.
1. Go through it, not around it.
I realize the most difficult task for a person with a broken heart is to stand still and feel the crack. But that is exactly what she must do. Because no shortcut is without its share of obstructions. Here’s a simple fact: You have to grieve in order to move on. During the 18 months of my severe depression, my therapist repeated almost every visit: “Go through it. Not around it.” Because if I went around some of the issues that were tearing me apart inside, then I would bump into them somewhere down the line, just like being caught in the center of a traffic circle. By going through the intense pain, I eventually surfaced as a stronger person ready to tackle problems head on. Soon the pain lost its stronghold over me.
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I want to thank you for your wonderful advice. I am currently attempting to move on from a year and half long relationship, and it is excruciatingly tough.
Any advice about having continual dreams about your ex-significant other?
I got dumped on Feb 14th this year. The first few weeks were tough – but it only got really hard when I found out she was seeing someone else. Then the true pain started – chief among them – THE DREAMS. The dreams were horrible – that is – if I could get to sleep at all. Only 1 in 10 was a good one about her, and for a while I couldn’t figure out which was worse – waking from the good or bad dreams. Anyway they start to fade after a month or two and become more scattered. Just had another last night – but I think it’s because I drank a lot.
wooooooooooooooooooww so nyc i love that i think i will have to follow
its all up to us….Broken heart is normal i think all of us experienced this kind of stuff.. We have no choice but to accept this hurt… and be a lesson forever.
Hypnotism
I don’t think you can control that aspect of it. Let your mind do what it naturally does, if you dream of her, your mind is simply going through the last phases of grief. What you can do is control your conscious thought life and I think over time you will see less of her in your dreams. Good luck, just remember, you do have a soulmate out there, you need to be unattached in order to find her! Patience.
Thank you for your advice. I am trying to cope with the pain of being left by a man I truly loved and hoped to marry. He just informed me through an sms that he was no longer interested in the relationship. At first I thought the world had just come to an end. But after reading your advice, I have realized that there are more important things that I can do rather than mourning.
i wish i’d not have met her, its impossible to forget her. we got engaged the relationship lasted for 2 yrs when i heard the news that she kicked me out of her life just 4 months before our marriage. i left my job, my friends, everything ….. just sit in my room quietly n go for a walk in the evening … i’ve recently heard that she got engaged to somebody and that somebody had relations with her even before our relationship ended ….. i just hate my life, i tried my best to forget her, and i hate night coz it hurts me, takes me back to the past …. her letters, cards, gifts …. help me God, help me move on with my life or bring her back …..
I work w the ex. Only see him like once a week bit I don’t want to go back.
There are no words to take your pain away. However, time is the greatest healer. I went through a similar situation with my ex-fiancé. I was totally heart-broken for over five years, I thought it was the end of the world…it wasn´t. I look back and know it is his loss, not mine, and God protected me from being with the wrong man as I now know I would have never been happy with him.
At the time, when we are really hurt, we think we lost the best person in the world, but everything happens for a reason. Put your trust in God and make the most of your life and don´t ever look back! Good things happen when you in the least expect…
Rashid, I know your post was over a year ago. I’m just going through exact same thing now. Wondering how you are doing? Did u heal and get through this? I feel like my life is ending. I’m so sad. Don’t know how to cope :’(
I am going through the exact same thing minus the engaged part.. my girlfriend left for her own reasons to only find out she was seeing a guy before she left.. we were together for 4 years and had very entangled lives with our families. This is the hardest time in my life..
Good article I don’t know where to start but here I go It started when I was 18 fell in love with a great girl she was few years younger than me we where together 5 great years and loved no one as much as her she was young and got cold feet and moved on .the year of grief was the hardest thing I had to go through and never healed completely,however I knew I had to move on dated a bite but never was a fan of the whole thing meet a girl that had second thoughts about but at this time in life i wanted a family so I have two great children now that are adults now after 16 years of loveless marriage on both are parts we got divorced stayed together for the kids last 5 years of it now that I look back at that relation ship it is way better to love with a healed heart than to think it will just happen .I will never regret having kids I love them to death so that’s the silver lining .meet a wonderful women 1.5 years ago feel in love because my heart was ready however love makes you blind and this women just broke it off with me about a month ago because she is unable to be committed and leaves no room in her heart other than her children I admire this she should get mother of the year however its also do sent allow her to move on .Broken hearten again so here I am I recently made contact with my first love and we have become friends she was always in contact with my life through mutual friend so knows everything about me and I never saw her for 25 years I know that’s freaky .I needed to see her so I could bring closer and its helped a lot I shed more tears in this last week than i care to say and found out that love is only for two committed people who love each other equally with all there faults . its been 6 weeks and every day gets easier so when I read your article I was moved so thanks for the help . warmest Regards
Thank you for the advice. I have printed this out and will look at it daily. I am in the process of trying to move on from a near 8 year relationship. I am only 24 and this is the hardest this i have yet to go through. It has been 9 months and i still think about him everyday.
What a brilliant post. I really like the idea of writing a good and bad list, it helps you to think rationally about that person after break up and put things in perspective. When I suffered a bad break up this one quote always got me through. I think it sums up the loss of break up and why we should have hope for the future to love again:
“I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they’re right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” — Marilyn Monroe
I got dumped last Tuesday. I still can’t believe it, we were together 2,5 years. We had friends together, we went to places together. I felt like I wasn’t alone anymore, like i had found the ONE. I’m a very hard guy to be social with, she helped me be social. I can’t believe this, all my friends are gone now, i live in a crappy apartment all alone and its summer – nothing to do, except work! She was a bitch in the end, but somehow I only remember the good times. I found an old letter, were she once wrote to me that there was another guy and he is here right now and it’s me. I was shocked when I read that there’s another guy, but in the end findind out it was me, was so releaving and made me love her even more. But when i read it yesterday, i bursted crying, it was so well written and I really felt that she loves me from the bottom of her heart. This thing here is not helping. I feel like dying. I was in a great depression before the break-up, couldn’t get a better job than this. And now the break-up! Why?
‘pieces’, i know how you feel..hang in there, its tough..very tough, but you have to tell yourself ‘you don’t need anyone to be happy’..its tough believing it, but i think thats the only option there is..keep yourself busy, and exercise/work out. release your stress
Going thru it right now . Frigging brutal . Im sorry others are also , however I feel somewhat calmer knowing I’m not alone . Best to all
Hi. I’m so sad inside too. My boyfriend of six months dumped me last monday. He is 46 I’m 32. He was a very loving guy had everything together. I thought he was the ONE. We were planning so many things for the future. But he has a big problem. He loves money way too much. Everything was going well, till he started to show his true colors. He told me that he’s never met anyone like me before. And I believed him. I love him. But he was blind about money. I wish I was more understandable, but I don’t think I can be with a selfish person. I just hope I can love again. Best to all of you.
I am going through the same situation, with money being my “mistress.” I ended the relationship today but I still feel like I was dumped because although he didn’t come out and say he wants it to be over he pulled away from me. He made it obvious that making money was more of a priority than spending time with me. He would ignore my phone calls and say it was because he didn’t want any distractions when he’s trying to stay focused on business. I felt so rejected and hurt that he didn’t want to even make time in his busy work schedule to spend with the woman that he supposedly loved. I ended up telling him this morning that I no longer want to be in the relationship because I can’t deal with being rejected. I still feel like he left me though because he’s the one who stopped spending time with me. He tried to make me feel like I was being irrational and needed to be more understanding of the fact that he has to be focused on business, but I just couldn’t sit there and deal with the pain of being rejected and lonely. I had to accept the fact that he’s not for me. So now I’m hurting but I’m reading these websites so that I can be strong and stand by my decision. It’s painful but I know that I cannot change him and I’ve decided to seek help and get through this pain so I can move on with my life. So keep reading and know that you are not alone and we will get through this!
Special Kay, I feel your pain. I’m in same situation. I just ended a 2 year relationship with a man who was not good for me. I still love him very much. It has been a month and its not getting any better. He is married. He left her after a year and moved in with me. But she was unrelenting and lured him hack with a brand new ZL1 Camaro. He went back to her promising to return to me soon with his new car, but after 6 months of waiting, I could wait no longer. I got pregnant in the interrum, he forced me to have an abortion, which I terribly regret. It happened only 6 weeks ago. He kept telling me to toughen up and get over it. He was not there for me in my greatest time of need. He cried when I told him I was leaving him. I had left my job, friends, and family to move 70 miles away to be with him. I moved back in with my parents 5 weeks ago, got my old job back, but I still miss him even after what he has put me thru. What is wrong with me???? I keep driving out to see him every weekend. Things did not go well when I saw him yesterday, now he is dumping me. I am so distraught. I am dealing with the loss of him and our child. Too much to bare………….
I find these posts helpful but I guess time is only healer in this case. I broke up in July when I was out of country and found out that throughout this 3 years of relationship she never broke up with the guy before me who lives in Dubai . I felt the real pain when I came back here and saw her photos with the same guy in Bangkok . I could never dream of this she came across being so honest true and caring , can’t think of what went wrong. I recently got into a relationship but I realised I had become a jealous person which i never was , I don’t think I can trust again. It’s shouldn’t be very hard to get over that girl but I think I just loved her so much .
My heart sometimes falls in love quick, before getting to
Know the girl, I work out at this gym, and my trainer is a
Beutiful 29 yr old, I’ve been getting a little personal with
Her lately, just trying to get to know her, but she keeps on
Rejecting me as if I’m scum, because of me not going to college or
Having a fancy job and stuff. But my heart is so persistent that
Hurts, how can I focus in my mind and body with out grieving.
You and her have never even dated, and she’s not interested in you. It is obvious. I have liked guys who only liked me as a friend, and I have to respect their feelings, just like you have to respect your trainer’s feelings.
How would you feel if a woman that you’re not interested in, kept on asking you out over and over again the way you keep on asking her out over and over again????
It would make you feel really uncomfortable. If you have a tendency to obsess over women often, you should seek counseling to correct that problem and it will help you find a good partner eventually. Take care.
I got dumped 3 days before my birthday…I was already feeling depressed for many reasons, on top of which was my birthday. I tried to tell him that I needed him and needed to be with him, but he said he already had plans with his family. I felt like I was nothing to him because the only time I actually need him, he isn’t there. Then he came over later that night and said that he couldn’t do this anymore. I just walked away and left him talking. I heard nothing after that. I am trying so hard to just get him out of my heart…but I can’t. He was the one I wanted to marry, and I’ve never fancied myself the marrying kind. All I’ve done when I’m alone is cry. I can’t show my emotions to anyone, so I’d rather be around people because at least that way I can’t cry. I can’t believe it happened like this. I guess he couldn’t handle me being depressed this past week..It really sucks though, because we’d been together almost a year, would’ve been a year in a week, and I really love him.
I’m 16,I’ve gotten attached to a 26 year old girl. Me and her became close friends then the day came where i stopped talking to her because i got tired of feeling jealous of her talking to other guys.. which is weird because i dont getj jealous wen she’s wit her boy friend. but i dont know i miss her i regret letting her out of my life i miss her. alot my heart hurts alto! hurts to move on because my friendss are friends wit her and they’re dudes.. help me moveon… she’s my bestfriend.. what do i do instead of moving on.
Sorry for the bad grammar.. v.v
Wow I have been going through a break up that has actually taken 9 months!! I know its bizarre but he doesnt really let me go and I am still in love with him which has just made this such a viscious circle. He went out of the country for a few months and I started to heal and move on and now he is back again calling and coming to see me but not really wanting to get back together. I am so confused and depressed. I know there is a simple way ofcourse to get off the roller coaster, but simple is always easier said than done!
As a professor, I teach a variety of students. I have taught for 25 years, at four different colleges, 18 at the college where I am currently teaching. After Summer II ended, something happened which shocked and bothered me a great deal. Without realizing it, I had developed strong feelings for one of my female students. I had the feelings, but was unaware that I possessed them. The student is still taking classes on campus, but she is no longer in my class.I think about her all the time, and occasionly, I see her and we both speak to each other. No, I am not married, and I have never been married, nor do I have any children. However, I have decided not to let her know and hope that the deep emotional feelings, that I have for her, will die overtime, because right now I am hurting. I also know that, what I feel for her, is neither lust nor lasciviousness. I have never seen or met a woman, who I wanted to marry in such a short period of time, as I do when, I am around her. Thanks for your blog, because it has helped me a great deal.
The Bowtie Professor Speaks!
My ex broke up with me about two months ago. A few weeks before, we went across the country to visit his parents. Knowing how protective he was over his family, I thought I was special. Eight months of what I thought was normal, turned into him saying I’m not the girl he’s looking for. We were arguing all through out the summer when he lived with me for a few months. Found out he had flirted heavy with a girl while we were together and yet, I was in the wrong for going through his things; go figure. But I loved him with all of my heart. It was so hard loving a person who didn’t love me back. He actually told me in the airport that he loved me, but he wasn’t in love with me…. Eight months and… The love he had for me was more like a friend with all the merry benefits. But this did help me. I would like to thank him though. Because of him, I’ve gotten closer to God and I’m finding my true and FULL worth. I will find real love one day.
thank you for sharing this it has made me realize that everything happens for a reason.
I just entered into this at 35, and had my 36th birthday with her. I felt as though all my life I had been looking for her. And now it is finished because she doesnt beleive in me – But over and over the negatives from her made it impossible for me to feel safe. She could never realise that I was always nervous because she was not giving me a chance to feel safe, so that we could go good together – If something little went wrong with anything it was my fault and she diminished me so cruelly.
What hurts is that you dont want to stop being in love with them – because loving was the best thing you had ever felt. I was not needy of her love, only scared that if she did not love me then she would leave me, cheat on me, hurt me. All that she did.
So the option becomes then to stop loving them, to move on. But because you love them you cant. To go back to being alone in this world? Or to go to God knowing you resent Him and are now angry with Him like Job, “Why did you give me this life then if just to tear it apart?”
And the road ahead I can see I dont want to go on, I dont want to go through it, I had been ON IT for all my life and simply return to it. There is no “going around it”.
Jake, you spoke my heart and described everything i feel thank you now i know its not just me. Thank you…. I am in the early stages of my break up it happened yesterday.. what have you done over the last month to keep you sane?
I can so relate.
After being in a relationship for many years and being completely content in our love, I discovered after the new year that he was cheating and telling me terrible lies to cover his infidelity. He immediately left to be with her. He’s become someone that I’ve never seen before. I am heartbroken, literally. I can’t seem to move out of the grief stage. I feel like I have a cloud of sorrow encasing me. I’m pressing into my faith and leaning into God’s word for comfort. I know God hs an awesome plan for my life…I just thought my love would be part of it. I see now, he’s not and that has devastated me.
After a 26 year marriage came to an abrupt end I started dating again. Met a beautiful lady that loved me to pieces. I fell for her hard. She has had 5 previous marriages.
This lady became real suspicious about just about anything that I would do or people that I talked too. It got to the point to where I isolated myself from friends that I have had for years just to keep her from having any doubts about me. Then it got to the point to where if I had a change in mood, she’d would lose it and accuse me of not being sincere in the feelings that expressed to her. then there were accusations that were so outrageous. It seemed as if this lady was delusional or something. I always felt like I was constantly having to prove my innocence when I was doing absolutely nothing but loving this girl. I had to put the relationship to an end because I cannot live loving someone that has no trust in me.
I sorely miss this lady. It would be so easy for me to pick up the phone and the relationship would be on again. But then the problem would still be there. I am heart broken, but I know i must stay away. There is no way that I can help this wonderful lady that has such insecurities.
I wish her the best and it saddens me that our love couldn’t grow because of her baseless suspicions of me.
Look online about morbid/ insane jealousy. It may be that this lady needs help…
IM in highschool, and Im popular..
AND my Heart is Broken.AND
being popular is not worth it.Because everyone is in your business and my love life is not private
everyone knows what i’m doing…
i can’t have a normal relationship!!!!!
now i’m in tears.. I WAS CRYIN WHEN I wrote this..
My boyfriend had a hard childhood. He grew up poor and with no affection from his parents. we have a little son. He shows his son affection its easy for him, I have been going through allot. with in one year I lost my baby and then my grandma.died from cancer. Then he cheats and lies to me, im allready going through allot from the people I lost, so I leave him but I find out im pregnant and I get back with him. My life just fell apart. I lost my uncle and grandpa after. My grandpa passed on my birthday. The only strenght I had.was my son. He cant even be there for me. He leaves me alone and thinks.its stupid to cry. He says life gos on so get over it. I cant forgive him for cheating. Its killing me to be with him but it hurts me to leave him. I try to be strong for my.son but its just so hard sometimes. My boyfriend tells me he loves me and hates to see me hurt. I just dont get.how someone can say I love you but never be there for you.
Leave him, immediately.
I know. I have been with someone for 3 years. He told me my emotions are a weakness and put me down when I felt sad or cried.
He isn’t worth my time, and he isn’t worth your time either.
I hope you will find happiness with a man who will truly love you.
Turn to God! He created you! He will never forsake you or ignore you. God has unconditional LOVE FOR YOU FOREVER! Go ask him to help. Ignore the comment about giving up and leaving immediately! That is what Satan whats you to do. Satan is interested in destroying you. He wants you to feel worthless, defeated and afraid! Satan is the leader of the darkness in this world. He was around before Adam and Eve! Think about that-1,000′s of generations to practice his tricks and deceptions and lies to buy into! Believe those from him and you will always be in danger and not full of joy and happiness. It’s an easy choice to make. God is Love and Satan is HATE!
Terrrible advice, since even if god were real, he is noncorporeal. We humans are physical creatures, rooted in physical bodies in the physical world. Sex is a very physical process, and would not be possible with noncorporeal god or satan assuming they did exist. How can you make love to a ghost? Even beyond sex, we are physical creatures. I know that I love my girls warm body under the blankets next to me, and that when im in pain, she will use her hands and,,, to make this go away. We are descended from monkeys who also have physical rituals of helping each other stay clean. By picking parasites out of each others fur, these monkeys not only stay healthy, but also happy. We humans, being descended from these physical creatures, and being rooted in the physical world itself, have our own physical rituals that are very important. If you beleive in god or satan and want to worship themm, thats your business, but sooner or later you are going to become sexually frustrated, at the very least. God or satan can never replace your physical lover because they dont physically exist, so think twice before kicking your current lover to the curb.
I’ve Been with Her for 8 years now and now its over. i’ve been battling ptsd since ive been out of service in 08. she was my rib i thought it was ok to stay inside an just stay up under her like a child because its where i felt safe. but she got tired. i understand she is tired because im tired of battling ptsd. i never have time for her or my son cause on my self problems the only thing left to do is work on ourselves and relearn to communicate. if only it was that easy. i’ve been running from god for so long i feel like i cant even talk to him now. why its time to go through it not around it. starting with step 1 i will conquer this awful feeling and get my family back for i must help myself before i can help my family.
Dear Lost Marine,
Your comment could have come from me as well. The difference being I wasn’t in the service. God bless your service to the USA! I am healing from PTSD for the past 3 plus months so I’m not an expert but have found great help from God above! He knows you better than you know yourself. He is the truth-go to him and let him heal you! I’ve been using a wonderful book “I Will Give You Rest” by Ed Kurath that works extremely well with the Bible. You can learn what the plans he has for your by going to http://www.divinelydesigned.com
Don’t stop working through this. I will be praying for you. May I know your name? God will heal you and your marriage! That is a promise from God.
Blessings!
Steve
Thanks for the good advice….but what can you offer to those that work with their ex? (other than don’t date a coworker….learned that one!)
I miss her so much. The worst part of this break-up is not knowing if she’s completely given up on me, and it kills me.
I don’t know how to love again or even trust again. My experience with men has truly taken that feature from me. I was recently used by a man who claims he loves me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. He recently started acting withdrawn and after a romantic day together he sends me a text the following day to inform me of his decision to reconcile with his ex. My heart is torn. But thank god for this forum I feel supported in some strange way….
There is nothing worse than this pain. He said he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. That we would always be ok and he would never give up. He just broke up with me over Christmas. We were having a hard time for a few mOnths and he decided he just can’t stand it anymore. I honestly would take slow physical torture over this feeling. I thought he was the one. He said I was the one. I guess they were only empty promises. Now I have suicidal thoughts everyday. I can never trust a man with my heart again.
After going thru a emotional and somewhat abusive relationship at a young age, it was really refreshing to find someone totally different from my ex that I really truly thought it would last. I have so much regret because I believed his promises and I feel like I gave him my heart and he didn’t want. Its so hard for me to let anyone in and I did with him. This valentines will mark my 1st full year ever being single and without him. I’m still young so I try to stay positive about not being lonely for the rest of my life even though I have been for the past year. I’ve never cried so much in my life but slowly but surely I’m feeling stronger. To make matters worst today is his birthday. This process has been a continious learning process even thru all the pain
we always live in a place of reality or fiction….reality being that people are not going to make mistakes…forest fires happen…earthquakes kill …and other mayhem…your heart or really your mind can not really always understand these if something happens directly to you…and why do we feel pain ??? pain is so interesting..why can we not see positive instead?? well that is always the question…as if we are addicted ..the addiction causes pain…when it is gone in this case love…or attachment..and attatchement i suppose can serve purposes I can not understand really..like we watched to many leave it to beaver shows..and if our lives to not mimic leave it to beaver then we are crushed..if we have to move on..many times before leave it to beaver becomes reality..in our own lives then we constantly are moving forward..the point being there are many opportunities..i think our lives really live in the present and future…because there are billions of people way hotter then the x…i mean..i fall in love almost daily..at the gym..or whatever with my eyes..many beautiful woman..and i am sure all a heart breaker if i got close and they left..but that is the problem…either i am setting up the loss before hand with that mentality or i am not good at nurturing relationships..and expecting collapse..or i am running like a wild man..hoping that someone will understand me enough to find quality..and stay…another thought …is that have met some really beautiful woman since being engaged 2 times in my life ..and at 35…i did not choose to leave..but those woman both needed something different i suppose..and i was not able to be that..and i found out i have some other issues that as a young man i ignored..see falling in love is easy..but actually being good at being leave it to beaver or anything close is another reality..the heart surely acts like a wild mongoose..where the other side of life is deliberate..the mind..and the reality of such things…life stability..etc…yes..i have almost expected now to set up relationships with some sort of sexual freedom in that there is a primary source of commitment and partner and then if they want to do something that their mind..and eyes..fancy then as a responsible and caring and loving adult..i can relate and let happen without much over worry of this thing called cheating…at 35..i am still trying to figure out a winning combo…maybe it is me..becoming a better human..and getting my finances..and life and potential of all things i am capable of..going full steam…and a partner will show up and stay…giving up on the heart..is nearly impossible..and well i dont know if safe..the rewards are great in that it feels great to have a woman to have sex with..and well get fancy in life with..it solves the side of a man..who can not be everything to himself..like a missing link..i suppose of a a puzzle…love is a weird..word..because it may be lust i talk of..and love as i want to know it is dedication..and sacrifice…more later
I dated a girl for almost 2 years deeply in love we had a bad month and she breaks up with me I go to see her to return her things but the look she gave me before isn’t gone she says she misses me but she doesn’t want to be with me she holds my hand and hugs me, I want to win her back but idk what to do anymore this pain is unbearable.
I want to thnx u for the advice I got over a relationship with a girl i loved soooo much but i found she don’t like me and like somebody else….. The pain is going straight to the heart…. I told her how much i like her and everything… I wrote her romantic poems to … I like poetry but every thing i write has her name in it i just wish she loved me again….. Thnx to this web i can get this off my chest . I’m going to try and get ova it but we sit next to each other in school each period sooo hard to forget my only.love…
Reading through these comments has made me realise I am not alone. And reading about people feeling suicidal and saying that they’ll never love again really gets me thinking. I have said these exact things and I realise it’s very stupid letting one person ruin my life in this way. We should not let one single person ruin our futures. Yes it hurts, yes you never want to trust another person again and yes, it takes forever and a day to feel normal again. But gosh, it certainly does make you stronger. Right now I hurt so bad as someone I really loved broke my heart. But I WILL come out of this stronger, I WILL be a better person and I WILL learn from my mistakes. I wish happiness to every person with a broken heart and I truly hope you all feel better very soon.
Thank you!
So many useless blogs on hurt and broken hearts out there that offer the same advice your friends give you followed by lip biting and a blank stare. This was the only blog I have come across that was factual, emotional and useful! Thank you thank you thank you!
I realized after a year that he did not really care about me at all. He was still in love with his ex. This hurt so much because I was getting mixed messages from him. I thought he cared. I feel used and strung along. I am heartbroken as he had so many qualities I absolutely loved. It really shook my confidence in ever thinking I will be able to find someone that is right for me. It feels like falling into a hole and never stopping.
Dear Hurt, I can´t believe how I recognize my feelings in your words, I felt very much the same with my ex playing a game with me – used and dumped, and all my self confidence lost.Even the hole, but once you reach the bottom, you will go up again!The Sun is rising every day. x
Coincidentally I fall into the same bracket as the both of you, after 11 months, I still feel the pain, dont feel I could ever trust someone with my heart like that again and not a day goes by that I dont think of him. They’re not perfect, far from it and with time that becomes clear. I just wish I’d stop missing him, but then I believe we miss those good feelings of love and affection we had with them and it can be achieved with someone else. Hurt and suffering does make us stronger, but it takes away too, it’s holding on to what we can so it doesnt take everything away. What becomes of the broken hearted? they end up on blogs like this
they get support from others who have suffered just as much, we are the strong ones.
I don’t think my broken heart will ever heal. I felt the physical crack in it as he told me we couldn’t stay together. It was a physical pain that has never truly left.
It will heal.
Trust me! It is not easy and it takes a while but it will.
And when you are healed, that’s the time, you meet the right person.
Don’t spoil your love relationship by getting hurt.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iq-Ub6IFxdw&feature=youtu.be
your heart will not heal alone. You must take action to heal it. You can live your life blaming other for what they did to you, and it feels good for a certain period of time. Then I hope that you feel you’ve had enough of pain and it is time to move forward
Hope these can help
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7Pmequ_m0AyNiIdDjLwvFg
What happens when we have our love, but not have lost our love, but can not be togethr because of political discrimination such as two gay men who are deeply in love from two different countries.
When which one who spent two years in the Phillipines to be with his love has to come back to the United States. I guess is when two people can not afford to be in love because of politics. I am at the point of giving up eveything I own to be with the man I love. This is killing me, litterely killing me. My heart is so very broken. We both acknowledge we never felt so connected, liked and in love as we both truely are.
I got heart broken about 3 years ago. I had been with him about 6 years.
While I was with him, I was insecure. Now looking back that was a sign that it was not a healthy relationship. He is not a jerk. He is smart and nice but the thing is he was NOT in love with me. He didn’t make efforts to spend time withe me but every time I said it was not gonna work, he kept saying he was just busy to focus on his carrier and once it was settle down he could spend more time with me…. I guess basically he liked me in some ways but mostly he wanted to keep me for sex. I told him I wanted to marry and he said that was not he wanted after we were together 5 years kept saying everything was ok. I trusted him…. It was such a heart broken. It was the one of the hardest time. I blamed him and myself knowing it did not help…
my friend made this slide show, and this is exactly how i felt….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iq-Ub6IFxdw&feature=youtu.be
now i’m still single but I’m much smarter and happier:)
Of course I will meet the right man. I deserve it.
Seperated with my boyfriend on the 19th of may that was after l received a call from the wife..he never toldme that he was married so l really got shocked.he got traditionaly married in dec and the wedding is sceduled for agust this year l was even more shocked when l discovered his receiptionist was pregnant with his baby and he has two kids with another women.he took advantage of the fact that lm 19 and lm a virgin yet his 25 what broke my heart was that he lied that he was a virgin too.when l met him after l met the wife l colapsed but lm out of hospital now he told me it was me he wanted but he was forced to marry but l never believed him.l find it so hard to stop communicating with him l have forgiven him and told him that we can be good friends he never said he doesnt love me but lm not a fornicator so l refused to kiss him after l found he was married.thanks to this site lm healing and thanks to friends family and all those who post up it really helps.lve dated the guy for only two months but trust me it hurt me so bad because l never cheated on him,never lied to him l loved this guy and l pray for him everyday.
My pain is very fresh, but after reading the comments i hope/believe i will be able to get through this. Its only been 4 days since we broke up, looking back i should have seen it was coming, but no, i had no idea.
5 days ago i was thrown a surprise birthday party by my ex, everything was great, the next day we were no more, she had meet someone at work, i don’t know why i didn’t leave there and then, when my head stopped spinning i realised she was still talking, she was telling me about him, about how well they get on, sharing laughter etc… WHAT? WHY? just shoot me i thought, it wouldn’t have mattered i died inside right there. 13yrs we had shared, gone in an instant. I really wish i could write more, get more of my chest but every things a blur, pain is all i feel.
Hi jack know your post was a while ago but just wondered how things are for you now
Hello, i am 16 and have recently finished school and finishing my exams. Just before they started i found out that my boyfriend who i had been with for a year had cheated on me, he had sex with a girl who was meant to be his ‘best friend’. Because of my exams i tried to block everything out for the while just to concentrate on them, and now that they’re finished i want to try and get over this whole thing because i have gone into this mood where i dont really feel any emotions, i’m just constantly feeling really strange and horrible, but i cant seem to cry it out about whats happened and go through the pain because i feel no emotions? I dont know what to do and how i’m meant to get over this, i want to just sit through the pain etc but i cant because ve gone into this mood of being emotionless and going around whats happened instead of going through it.Do you have any tips on letting go of somebody that has hurt you so much but you still have so many feelings for?
your 16 years young and if thats true love like that isnot love worth hurting over (easyer said) and just remember at the end of it all he made the mistake of losing you you gained the strength to push onwards also you do feel emotions from what you just put you sound like someone who cares to much about other people to be honest think i can love someone who will love ya back and stay faithful i no when someone cheats on you and you think they never would have hurts to the point where your happyer closin your emotions but from what i cn see youl get some one who actualy is a man and can be faithfull to you peace Shogun
i was in a relationship 5 years,i thought we were geting married ,i was onlt 34 when i met him he was 54,i got it so wrong,he stole the best years of my life and i hate him for that.a year on im still single and alone.the loneleness kills me im searching for something ..anything to fill this void,i hope and pray i,ll find happiness again oneday.
I have just broken up with my girl friend less than 2 week’s ago and she said she wants to be with me bus that we should date some other people first but it turns out she already had someone in mind and already its made me get to the point that i have just recently been arested and stupidly atempted suicide and i feel lost i want her back but cant stand the thought of her being with someone els even though she sposedly loves me i have work in 2 hours and havent slept properly sins our break up i want her back and understand this idea but how can i either wake up and move on or try this work on it and have a go i love her yes and i want to be with her for as long as possible i supose though my family has a you could say love curse and people you are all going to find Mr/Ms right some day. gl and stay strong because after reading some of the comments you all desearve much better (personaly i feel the person i love does to) :/ thanks the brithish shogun
Its hard to believe that this type of ideology is still defended at some of our nations most respected institutions. Can we not abide by the true separation between church and state (state including federally & nationally funded organizations such as universities)… Check out a free top documentary on some of the latest views of the religious fervor taking place in today’s society. Something psychological has to be occurring world wide.
Be Well & Til Victory Always, Jon
I LOVE OMAR. I hate him. He is not worth me going crazy for. It was such a short time but so intense. I would do anything for him. I would follow him right off that clif. I think of all the dificulties that there would be by being with him and I dont care. I cried after sex with him I have never done that. The real shitty thing is it is all one sided and yet I cling. I didnt call him today and I will not call him anymore. I love myself enough to not continue this. I love me. I love me. I love me.
Wow, so many people, I got married to a beautiful young girl, she was all of 18 and i was 37, we made beautiful love together for 29years, and she left me for another 2 months ago, i really thought she was my soulmate, now i am old, and rejected and she has a new love, more her age, i am super bummed about the whole thing, it came right out of left field….
This really helped, thank you! I feel like my gut has been punched and I am on edge. It is me who ended the relationship. Seven years together, 4 years of marriage. I moved out 2 years after being married after finding out he was a drug addict. One year apart, and one year of his sobriety, we moved back in together. I love him so very much. But his meanness won’t go away. I didn’t want to end it, but I have to. I now understand how abused people put up with it. He can be so very nice when he wants to, using my love for him as the key. But, I have taken the step and am trying to get past the loneliness and hurt. I can’t wait to get past this phase. I am encouraged by the note that I can love again. Right now, I don’t think I will ever allow my heart to be vulnerable again. This hurts too much!
Thanks for listening.
Thanks Pasperdu for sharing. But my question is how do you get over someone whom you loved with all your heart but know with your mind that he or she is not good for you. How do you stay strong and not go back or give in to their desire and manipulations to pull you back in?
WHY WHY WHY???? I am exhausted, My whole body aches, I get sick, I shake every time I think of him. My heart feels like someone has ripped it out of my chest and stamped all over it. WHY!!!
I was in (still just had to re-type after writing we was in) a long term relationship with my ex. As most stories we started out great. We was one of those couples that couldn’t keep there eyes of each other, spent every waking moment with each other, Had big plans for the future and had huge smiles across are faces no matter the weather. WHAT HAPPENED??? We meant everything to each other. felt each others emotions and loved each other more deeply than ever imagined possible. We understood each other. WHERE DID IT GO WRONG?? We went from being best mates and soul mates to NOTHING. We lived together to the outside world behind closed doors was lonely and unhappy. We lived separate lives and would only speak to each other to moan or argue about something. Two days ago he walked out on me after saying “i don’t love you, I hate you and I don’t want to ever look at you again” Today I got a txt from him saying: Pack my F***ing S**t up, I am coming with a van at 3am to collect it. If you don’t hand it over I’m going to kick the F***ing door down” It is 2.48am and my heart is going like the clappers. Not from fear. Its like I feel like my whole world is going to collapse. The thought of his stuff being gone and having to watch him load his stuff into the van knowing that after 3am it will be final. NO MORE US. is killing me. I’m shaking from head to toe. Every time i hear a car pull in i rush to the window. I love him. No doubt about it. I STILL WANT HIM. Why, do I still want him we don’t even laugh together anymore. I don’t remember the last time either of us smiled at each other. He didn’t respect us or our home, he constantly was out with his friends coming home at 3-4am. He never took me out, He always made me feel like i wasn’t good enough for him, I was always at home on my own. So why am i feeling like this. All these articles say to view this as a new beginning and I want to see it like that but i just can’t. I want to be strong and make a better life for myself. I know we are not and never will be right for each other. That all we do is hold each other back and make each other unhappy and that the person i met isn’t him anymore, But then why does it hurt so bad. Deep down i know this is for the best and i will look back and learn from this whole experience but my heart is telling me beg him to stay and make it work. CONFUSED AND BROKEN
why well I don’t know you but lived your life but ended a little easier when we love some one that much we cant really tell if it is mutual and are blinded.My guess is that you where all in and he was unable to be or leading you on until he found what he wanted . You should never be anybody second choice for me now its all in for both or not at all I wish people would stop fucking with others feelings
Good luck and I hope you find all the love that you can handle.
I met a man 8 yrs ago and he made me feel so special, I travelled the world with him and nothing was ever too much for me. He had been disloyal to 2 other partners (one his ex wife) but assured me they where never right for him and he loved me more than anyone alse he had ever been with. % days before xmas in 2012 I rang him and he never put the phone down. I overheard him having a conversation with a woman he had obviously had a relationship with before and he was inviting her back to a flat he still had but was renting out. I felt my whole world had fallen apart. I rang him back and told him I heard everything and told him not to come back or I would call the police. He rang me the whole night until about 5am, I felt satisfied that he had not been with anyone and when he begged me to give him a second chance I did. The past 16 months have been hell. All we have done is argue. If I ask him anything he gets paranoid and says I will never forget and don’t trust him, when I was trying my best to get over it. 2 weeks ago he left, I got a text message telling me not to contact him again. I feel so sad that I had tried so hard to forgive him and when it suited him he just upped and left without a backward glance. I have a heavy heart, I feel hurt and angry and hate the uncertainties about the future. I am dreaming about him having another woman and its all so heartbreaking.
My twenty year marriage ended seven years ago. I decided to not pursue any other relationship, but to enjoy my freedom and independence and to protect myself from future hurt.
Three months ago, I met someone. He took me by suprise. He persuaded me to give it a go, and I was convinced. I acted out of character.
Today he dumped me by text. His mother is seriously ill and he says he can only cope with that at the moment.
I feel cheap and used. And hurt. And a very bad judge of character. How stupid was I? My life was really good. I had no need of anyone else.
Now I am devastated. I want to die.
After 18 months with what I thought was a wonderful man, I got a text that said we should just be friends, that is all he ever thought of me.
We have traveled and stayed with each other and now I find out I was just a friend. I loved him so much, everything I ever wanted.
Hey i read a lot of advice regarding how to forget someone. Some of your advice i already doing but honestly it really works. I keep listening music, watched funny movies, hunging out with friends, doing things to get busy and most especially avoiding this guy. But the fact that is not working is its all up to me. Actually we don’t have any relation were just friend a close friend i mean, but lately im falling inlove with him, when time goes by i wanted to be his girlfriend but this kind of stuff will never going to happen because he have a long time girlfriend for almost 3-4 years. It hurts, really it hurts coz this illusion cannot ever happen we have a lot of memories of this guy bad and good. I love reminding it coz it makes me smile, sometimes it makes me bitter for the bad things i remind with him. But now im trying to forget him for the sake of his future life so that i won’t disturb him forever, coz from the time i got hurt i never stop texting him because i assumed that he will get inlove with me for that such idiot thing ive done.The hardest thing is to avoid him also because whenever he wanted to meet me i go with him no question ask but just a friendly date. I always dreamed when im with him how it feels to be his girlfriend.. but that is always a dream coz he will never do it. Coz he don’t like me and don’t love me either how this kind of thing would ever happpen. But i have to accept the truth that his maybe engage and soon to be married with the girl he love. Sad i have only to forget the memories to avoid hurting myself. But i know i can do it and possible meet guy whose worth loving for. From now on i just keep waiting for the guy who he will be or not to wait and accept to be a single blessed. God bless:)
we should move on tell the hurt ache stop from beating for bitterness and be better person for others who will come unexpectedly to love us the way we want…….. dont loss hope?
Remember the good times but don’t dwell on them for to long, more often than not we forget the reason why we broke up in the first place. We like to remember the good and forget the bad. By doing so we tend to grieve for the person we met not the person he turned into. If a man breaks your heart once he didn’t deserve to be given something so precious in the first place. Slowly put the piece’s back together again and rebuild a life that with or with out a man still functions. Learn to respect and love myself, Do not allow a man to take over my life and control every aspect. Never give up friends for the sake of a relationship. (NOTES TO MYSELF)
I am just beginning to come to terms with the end of a four year affair. My stomach hurts. My heart hurts. She was just perfect. She was my soul mate. She made me serene. She made me laugh. She was sexy, ladylike, intelligent, vibrant, generous, and loved me to bits. But I was married. I couldn’t leave my wife. It was a terrible choice to make. And the wrong one. I now suffer with depression. My wife has distanced herself from me. I deserve no sympathy. I get none. She has moved on and found someone new. My imagination runs amok. I cannot sleep. I cannot eat. I now smoke. I am so lonely and desperate without her. We tried staying friends. Madness. I try not to txt her. But I do. She has stopped replying. The future is a long dark tunnel
I can relate to your story, I’m in a similar but opposite situation. I’m been in love with a married co-worker for several years now. She was very friendly and flirtatious with me when I first met her. We were friends on facebook for a while then she unfriended me for some reason. It seems like anything we could have had is over now, but she keep me hanging on with the occasional smile and friendly comment. I’m so confused.