The other day, I had the honor of interviewing Owen Stanley Surman, M.D., a practicing hospital psychiatrist known internationally for his work on psychiatric and ethical aspects of solid organ transplantation.
Following the death of his wife, Dr. Surman devoted six years to writer a memoir, The Wrong Side of an Illness: A Doctor’s Love Story, which includes a deeply personal and unique view of events both tragic and transcendent. He now lives in Boston with his new wife.
Question: What words of wisdom would you give the spouse of a person struggling with chronic illness or terminally ill?
Dr. Surman: Chronic illness and terminal illness have a pervasive impact on how we live our lives and in our sense of identity. Loss of a loved one affects the part of ourselves that has led us to think in terms of “we” vs. “I.”
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This is such a beautiful post. I want to bookmark it and have it with me always.
Thank you Dr. Surman for your great words of wisdom. I am dating a man that lost his wife a year ago. She was the love of his life for almost 40 years and I encourage him to talk about her. She will always be a part of his life and I realize that. He will always love her and her memory. He now lives each day to the fullest and loves me. Life is truly a blessing and your personal thoughts have lifted me today. THANKS!
Dr. Surman, thank you for expressing your feelings so well. I, too, lost the love of my life just 3 months ago. He was my world. Eight years passed from his first heart attack to when he had what appeared to be a slight stroke, aspirated, got double pneumonia, then sepsis. I didn’t know he was dying until the day he died. I appreciate how you stated that your wife lives on as a part of you. Yes, they live on in our hearts, in the things they taught us, the things we shared. It was a gift I had for almost 30 years. I won’t give it up because he is gone. Now I have to go about rebuilding my life. You are fortunate to have found a new wife that is so understanding.