I think we’ve all been dissed by a friend at least once in our lifetime, right?
Recently I’ve had two people remove me as a friend on Facebook. Like that feels good. Was it my annoying status updates? The singing video that I uploaded (“A Few of My Favorite Things” … check it out )? I know I was off-key. Oh, the picture of the old lady that I posted and said it was me. You are that old lady? Geez… Sorry.
Frankly I don’t know what’s worse: the e-mails and the phone calls that aren’t returned, or the letter (or really painful conversation) explaining why the friendship is toxic and needs to be terminated. It all feels the same: REJECTION. Like you’re back in the sixth grade again, with bad acne, and the boys want to date your pretty and popular twin sister (that’s when my self-esteem issues started).
At any rate, there are ways you can get closure even when you don’t know why you’ve been dumped. Here are a few I try (every time I’m removed from someone’s friend list on Facebook).
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Advice #1 sounds silly but it actually works in differing circumstances. Many a time I’ve written letters of complaints to co-workers, managers, friends and felt better about my perceived grievence. I felt closure without jeapordising relationships.
I liked this post very much. I totally agree with 1, 2, 4 and ugh! 7 – but the main point is to move on and not sit around feeling miserable. Only one life to live, after all. Even if one’s a cat, it is still only one life at a time!
what I’m wondering is:
why on earth do you CARE about whether you’re on someones facebook list or not?
What a fabulous article, after spending the weekend crying over a Facebook delete followed by many published lies by the other person. This article comes to me like a good friend and puts its arms around me in comfort. Here is to moving forward, one baby step at a time.
You know the funny part is this has been going on long …almost too long for it to be deal with anymore. When the friend you used to care so much about suddenly starts being cold and bitching about you or another friend whom you had tried so much to show that you loved and cared about suddenly breaks her friendship because she thinks you dont love her all that much…it feels pathetic knowing you give your all and still end up getting a huge slap at the end!
You couldnt have said it anybetter. I have 2 dear friends that i valued, and one of them had asked me to be her best lady this september even though at the moment she is not talking to me. I have apologised even though i was hurt by the way they treated me just to keep the peace but no! They still think they are too good for me so, i have decided to keep my distance too. If i dont call them,they dont call me nor return my calls so i have decided to just really stop caring.
Had a very close friendship with a male for a year. He called constantly…….it was great knowing someone cared if I got up in the morning. We laughed and cried together (he has leukemia) many a day. It wasn’t a romantic thing however we did exchange Love ya’s on a regular basis…two weeks after Christmas during a regular call..he exploded and said we were finished with this. I’m in shock………had a not too nice text from him tonight…….I’m sure he deleted me as I have him. I like the suggestions……however I’m still in shock…..without knowing why how does one really find closure? This isn’t a case of “getting even.” I could not do that to him under his circumstances. Any thoughts from the GP on this would maybe give me some new insight.
Umm, had a friend for years but finally realized that she was intellectually inferior to me. And bi-polar to boot. So I terminated the friendship by changing my phone number/email. Chango presto. It’s done. It’s like ripping off a bandaid. However, when I was dumped by a friend whom I considered smart and well adjusted, it took me years to recover. Such is life.
I am sorry to say this Lori but you sound very judgmental, uncompassionate and arrogant. People do not have mental illnesses because they choose to. And people have varying degrees of intelligence. It seems to me, through my life experiences, that the ones that are very gifted do not pay attention to such superficial analyses of other people. They seem unaware of their own intellegence and just naturally assume others are equally as smart. People often yearn for what they do not have. Are you feeling a bit insecure about your own natural talents? It also seems like you got back exactly what you dished out. Life has a way of doing that but do you have the ability to see this as a learning experience? I wonder.
I still wondering if my friendship with this person can still work..i thought we were gonna be friends forever..she tried to break up with me through text..and that by sending this text to someone else..and asking them to show it to me..ohh yh lets not forget she sent it a few days before my birthday..declining my invite to it and all…when i called her that night it felt as though she was picking out my flaws (i’ve always had a slight anger problem..which she knows of)..she asked me to improve myself, how i need to change myself…i didnt reply because i was so scared of losing her.
BUT NOW..i dnt give two shits. In my eyes a friend never asks another to “change” and even if that friend has changed that friend would learn how to adapt to that “change”…not make her feel like absolute crap..the answer to things like this..is to talk to someone VERY CLOSE AND TRUSTWORTHY..clear ur head..and not give a shit anymore.
My friend and I have been friends for 40 years and in the last year she has been pulling away. She’s an avoider when it comes to confrontation so when I ask her what’s up I can tell she is making up excuses and she refuses to be honest with me. If this were a “new” friend I’d know how to deal with it but we’ve known each other all our lives, raised our kids together. She knows I’m always upfront with her but I just feel like she isn’t being upfront with me. I’m really at my wits end as to what to do.
Having grown up as ‘one of the boys’ I tend to be very callous in discussions with other women, though I’m always there for my close friends…much more so than they are for me. I’ve been doing pretty well in my career and marriage and am very open in terms of the good AND bad happenings in my life. but recently, a friend of mine gave me the brush off and I think i’m most upset that she didn’t even have the decency to tell me why. leading me to assume that she’s either jealous or just fed up with my so-called ‘manly’ outlook on life. Am I wrong to expect that my friends accept me for who I am if I certainly do the same?
Love the article! Thanks. My BFF of 20 years ignored my phone calls, emails, texts, letters etc., for over a year before sending me an email about “why we are no longer friends.” It was an eye opener for me to read her email, which was astoundingly selfish and mean. It made me really rethink my role in her life (and her role in mine). We had a wonderful, trusting friendship when it was good, but it was ultimately doomed by her insecurity, lack of interest in my life, and anger with hers. In the time we haven’t spoken, I became a mom, had tumor treatment (benign, thank God), and had 2 (distant) friends pass away in their sleep. I am still sad by her choice to end things by email and not discuss stuff, but it puts things into perspective of where I stand with her (or ever stood with her). I will cherish the friends and family that care about me AND foster new friendships because life is way to short to not enjoy!
I’m glad to hear stories from other adults as I feel like a vulnerable child who hasn’t experienced loss. My friend was getting more into her boyfriend and after a while of trying, we barely talked. As i thought we were good friends, I bided my time, seeing a future break up looming. Well after finally hearing from her after weeks of silence – I called her, I should say – she told me about her breakup and how she and another friend were talking every day, and how the experience brought them closer. It’s also painful knowing that the other friend has consistently rudely ignored her for years, and I was there if she needed me. She also told me that “her friends” we’re helping her through this as if I weren’t included as a friend. What? She’s not a mean person, in fact quite thoughtful, but naive and childlike in some ways. So now I have to work through this loss, and reevaluate our former friendship as well. I feel a lot of embarrassment and shame, as somehow I should have known we were not that close. I don’t have many good friends who I can connect with, no family, and no significant other so this is a tough one this time.
This has happened to me dumped by a friend of twenty years. I desperately want to move on but I can’t forget the hurt. It has soured me on people in general. After five years its still a fresh wound have to deal with the e. friend a lot on job never over like th groundhog movie