You know those public service television commercials where some celebrity-of-the-moment encourages you to talk to your kids about sex or drugs or something? Well, not surprising, such talks are of little use.
A study conducted in August 2006 examined longitudinal data from a survey of 5,401 …
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A lot of the problem with the concept of parenting, I think, stems from the fact that most of the times parenting is seen as synonymous with “control.” No wonder so many parenting tactics are not effective – controlling another human being is exceedingly difficult, even a very young one.
From what I’ve observed growing up, even very strict parents who believe they have total control of their children are only able to do so when they are present – and this can never be 100% of the time.
Additionally, I find controlling parental behaviors fairly repugnant – children are not able to learn how to function independently when their lives are completely regulated by their parents. I think letting a person make and fix his or her own mistakes is the best way to foster a healthy sense of self-efficacy.
I agree with Nicole Cormier. Control of others is difficult, at times a waste of time even, and from my point of view bad teaching, as it gives the kids a role model to play themselves. The answer I feel is to teach them self control while accepting that their feelings and needs are normal and adequate.
I don’t see keeping tabs on kids as a method of control if it is done with the honest intention of helping your child. There are some parents who are control freaks and do attempt to control every aspect of their children’s lives. Then there is the other extreme where parents have so few rules that they appear to not care about what their child does. I think an ideal parent would strike a balance between the extreme of too controlling and not caring. Kids are kids and teens are teens—sometimes they are not going to make good choices and it is up to the parent to help them. I believe setting limits and helping your kids make healthy decisions will impact their entire life by creating good patterns of behavior. An example would be enforcing a curfew so a child will develop healthy sleep hygiene.
I believe in Freud’s theory that sex and aggression are the basic characteristics of humans. These two aspects are needed for survival. Thus, I believe that sex is inborn and that children are curious to know all about it as it is part of their system. Sex and sexuality is influenced mostly by the media these days. Most TV programs have to have sex involved, even some advertisements…..sex sells , now-a-days cartoons such as the BRATS, Johnny Bravo, even Disney programs showing man and woman falling in love and kissing thus portraying sexuality. Hence, it is the environment we live in that influences children to want to discover what sex is all about and try if for them selves.
All a parent can really do is knowledge their children on the risks of sex and so on. Some parents try to exercise this by empowering religious views on their children. But at the end of the day, children will use their own moral sense and decide what they want to do.
One of the pitfalls of parenting is… just that: control. Controlling other human beings is not just difficult; it is unethical. It should not be done. Why parents have been transfixed on controlling their children is the reason why rebellion occurs and why it’s difficult to influence children. I don’t get why people are so transfixed on controlling others. That is one of the worst things about people.
Now separate the two concepts: influence and control. Parents should influence, not control their children. One of the ways to influence children is by example. What right has a parent to shout at his child to stop smoking when that parent is a smoker? It’s all common sense.
Also, parents need to inform their children on sexual practices and their perspective; why it is actually “uncool” to lose one’s virginity, why it is better not to follow friends’ advice all the time, etc. Parents who know how to discuss and explain things without a disciplinarian tone would do better than a shouting, controlling parent. In addition, hiding from their child all these things is one way to make them more rebellious. Nothing is more connected to controlling others than limiting the information they have. It’s better to let them know everything, so they can make informed choices.