“If I was going to kill myself, I wouldn’t tell you or anyone else.”
As a Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner who specializes in crisis intervention and Emergency Room Psychiatry, I hear that a lot. Over 30,000 Americans will take their own lives this year. More people die by suicide each year than homicide, yet suicides rarely make the nightly news. Sometimes it’s hard to know when someone you love and care about may be hurting inside and may need help. If your friends or family are thinking about killing themselves, and they don’t tell you, how can you help them? You can help because there are signs and clues before someone attempts to hurt or kill themselves, a prelude that you may be able to recognize after reading this information.
Anyone can commit suicide. Suicides occur in every ethnic group, gender, occupation, geographic area and socioeconomic status. Suicide is the third leading cause of death in teens and young adults, ages 15-24.
Suicide is preventable. Once you recognize these signs and symptoms in someone, you can help save their life by taking action and getting them to the nearest ER.
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The only people I have ever known who took their own lives each told a professional shortly before doing it, and in each case the professional ignored them. Of course, that is partly because professionals see the signs you list, and hear suicide threats, so often that it is impossible for them to take action every time. But it makes your point that anyone can help save a life by preventing suicide an even more important one.
Also, my policy, (which I was taught long ago) is to make it clear that I will not stay with anyone and continue to provide emotional support while they actually carry out their plan for self-harm. This is partly because assisting suicide is a criminal offence in the UK.
Sums it up succinctly for me.
There are other choices besides taking one’s life prematurely. It is just a shame to read various peoples’ commentary that use rare exceptions as the rule to justify it.
Again, silence is death. Literally!
Thanks
Good post. Very well done – now, if we could get it out to the rest of the world, repeatedly, like they do with the signs of stroke, then maybe we could get the world to do something useful for the people who are feeling suicidal.
We’ve become a desensitized society and often choose not to hear or see… And in most cases, post treatment for suicidal patients is less than adequate. This article is good, but its been the same for decades. When mental illness is recognized as a real medical condition, progress may be made.
What is worse is telling my therapist, I have thoughts of wanting to kill myself and yet there is never any discussion, no ways to make it better. If a mental health professional does not even want to talk about it, I would feel horrible bringing it up to a friend or relative. I mean, really. If the therapist cant help, why should I burden anyone else.
Reina,
I had a therapist do that to me too. Once he had told me that he had a session with a patient who then left the office and literally tried to committ suicde after the appointment. He told me that he was very angry with her. Many years after he shared that info with me, I was sitting in his office – a virtual lump sitting in a chair hiding under my winter coat because it was safer under there – he failed to recognize that I was suicidal. It was our last appointment together- his behaviour was unprofessional and if I had had a blade or something at the time I would have bled in his office. He just didn’t see me sitting there and then I fully understood the other patient. And maybe he was more upset with himself because he failed to see her too. I decided that he was not helping me and I left therapy in the middle of a major depressive episode – not a good thing. It is interesting though, the lack of response that you get from your therapist when you sit there and say “I’m feeling suicidal” – it was the only times, however, when he actually put down his pen and paper and gave me his undivided attention. I have had other therapists since who always gave me their full attention – as it should be.
Reina-
My therapist sort of did that to me too. She didn’t ask me to discuss the suicidal thoughts, instead focusing on the anxiety, hopelessness and depression that was triggering them. She seemed to not care. I was a little put off by this approach sense it has been a big deal for me to tell her.
She told me later,when I was better, that the reason she did this was because she didn’t want to reinforce the suicidal thoughts. She doesn’t think it’s beneficial to discuss them. She said that if she had reacted strongly, that would move some suicidal people to actually do it. I suggest you discuss this with your therapist. Maybe this is the case as well or maybe you just aren’t a good match.
For the author-
What if you have a person who is depressed and repeatedly says that they want to be dead and have thoughts of suicide, but when you call the police or try to take them to the hospital, they freak out! And get angry at you. They say “I can’t believe you did that” I am not going to kill myself! It’s hard to know if someone is serious or not.
I used to feel suicidal but I know that it would hurt the people around me that care about me although they cannot help me. I feel tired all the time and would just like to fall asleep and not wake up. The only peace I have is when I am asleep and when I waken all the bad feelings come flowing back. I visited a threpist was supposed to be for 6 sessions only lasted two sessions as she made me feel so bad telling me that she thought I cried to much and had just better come to terms with things. I used to leave there feeling worse than when i went in. Have an appointment to go see my dr soon but he has already told me that I need to come to terms with my life and get on with it. I have been living with this for so long and sometimes I can just about keep going but other times I cannot. The sad thing is there is no answer and even medication only helps so much. I cnt be around people and the noise and choas of modern day living is getting to me. I feel like I am being constantly assulated by the loud ways in which people speak all the swearing and noise and crowds i cannot cope with. Yet I feel a prisoner in my home as well. I constantly try to stay in the here and now just to keep going. I avoid people as when they ask how I am I feel they dont really want an honest answer. What is frightening is the fact that there are millions of people feeling depressed and there is nothing to get rid of these feelings. Medication does not work. I feel like I have a mental block and if I could break pass it in my head I would be able to think clearer. I am fed up of feeling like this or hyper never. I say prayers and just try to keep in the moment hoping I will be ok.
Lynn wrote, “She said that if she had reacted strongly, that would move some suicidal people to actually do it.”
That is incorrect information about suicide prevention. (See http://www.suicide.org/suicide-myths.html ) A therapist who can discuss suicidal feelings with a client makes it possible for that person to lessen the shame which prevents them from getting help. A person has the idea already; it is not put into their head by someone being willing to talk about it, whether a therapist or a friend.
If you are feeling suicidal, and your therapist is not picking up on it, minimizes, or deflects the topic, call the hotline number at the top of this blog entry: 1800 273-TALK. Outside the US, go to http://www.befrienders.org for local contacts. Gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender teens and young adults should check out http://www.thetrevorproject.org.
A recent study showed that the vast majority of social workers (in programs in Mass. last year) had zero to four hours of suicide training during their entire schooling. So don’t hesitate to contact one of the hotlines for help, and if you want they can help you figure out how to make sure your therapist really gets how you are feeling.
The key to a successful suicide is the be aware of all the “signs.” One must not even hint of it. Putting on a happy face when others are around is a great deflector. I would never tell my therapist or doctor; there might be ethics or legal reasons they must report it to authorities. And finally, yes, having a plan, acquiring what you need, and being set up to go are critical. The Boy Scouts have it right: be prepared.
Ciao
There can be millions of studies created that try to uncover the bona fide cause of why people go as far as giving everything up including their own existence, but without having the power to bring these people back to life we will never know for sure why they did what they did.
My brother is going through a bitter custody battle and found out that his wife has been researching stories about parents who kill their kids and/or themselves. He turned the information over to the therapist an so far they have done nothing. He is naturally worried about his kids. Is n’t the therapist required by law to do something about this.
Reina, I share your sentiment. Someone contemplating suicide divulges the terrifying thoughts to a professional who too often then responds equally frighteningly… They may ignore you, callously deflect your frank statements, or worse to many contemplating suicide, attempt to institutionalize you against your will. I’ve witnessed all of these often, even being present while other medical staff lambasted patients for attempted suicide, their unprofessionalism overlaid with patent disgust.
Moreover, just as discouraging, the lay don’t greet suicidal behavior any better. From the very real fears of loss of job, professional & social alienation, loss of medical (or other) license (and thereby future livelihood), and persistent stigmatization, to the searingly painful but obvious attempts of spouses/partners/family/friends to disgorge the potential suicidal unceremoniously onto the doorsteps of professionals for “help” in hopes of being rid of the burden, being suicidal can be a loss all around. It’s the lattermost that can be most disheartening; if loved ones really care, which might justify confidence–not to mention provide something to hope for/in, then why do they so often utterly vanish not just during but also after the crisis? I often hear other medical staff ask patients who must be discharged if they have someone who’ll accompany them home, stay with them for a while. You can guess what the answer very often is.
And let’s not talk about the frequent long years of dashed hopes from failure after failure of a daunting parade of impotent therapies and drugs. The professional talks about “hope,” and the imperative to recognize suicide’s warning signs and act on the potential suicidal’s behalf. But there are many for whom there simply is no meaningful (to them) hope. Yet so many mental health professionals continue to insist that suicide is necessarily irrational and soluble. Concerning the latter at least, from this professional’s perspective, not so yet—not by a long shot.
I am all alone I have no one to speak to its my own fault as I find it hard to communicate with people I seem to be surrounded by darkness. I get up I go to work come home sleep. I feel just so tired and worn down. I just want to sleep and not wake up. I am on the edge of tears all the time sometimes I have a day that I feel ‘normal’ and can tell myself not to be silly when I start to feel down but most time its all I can do to stop myself from crying while I try to carry on working. I am afraid all the time I need help.
Mary,
It is very important that you reach out and get some help before something happens. So many of us have felt what you are feeling now. I know that feeling of having tears behind your eyes all of the time and wanting to never wake up. Remember, even if you don’t believe it at the time, you are a valueable, loveable person who deserves to feel better. Gather the strength you need to seek the help you deserve.
Please – take care of yourself.
Thank you.
I feel dreadful this morning I got a letter from the therapest my dr refered me to saying that they had left three messages on my answer phone and if they did not hear from me they would assume that I no longer wanted to see them and I would have to go back to my dr for a referal. (I dont have an answer machine ) so I dont know who the phoned it wasnt me. I phoned them and have arranged to be seen but am dreading it already as the questions they asked me over the phone have made me wary they asked the usual stuff that they use to asses you It didnt help that I was crying through it. Then they asked me if I worked with children under five which I dont but that got me scared as I am a carer for adults and if they are thinking that I may be a danger and tell my work place I will lose my job. Thats what happens when you attempt to get help then you hve give them your personal info and it just waterfalls from there. I am shaking this morning as I had some bad news thats upset me, the person that gve me the news has not spoken to me for a while they have been avoiding me since I told them i was depressed and couldn’t cope yet they chose thi time to tell me something that they knew would not be of any benefit to me and cause me more worry. Then said they had to go. I have to job share this morning and dont know how to control myself and stop from breaking down crying. I have to go to work its the only thing I have been able to keep doing by forcing myself I have to many people depending on my wages. I dont know how much longer I can go on. I spent years out of work because of my depression I have managed to work for the last 11 years and dread losing this job. Please someone help me.
I am still waiting to see someone. I was given a form to fill out as to how I was feeling and asked a lot of questions then the person told me that she could not deal with me but would discuss it with her head. I then got mail to say that I must phone them to make an appointment to see someone and another questioner to fill out as to how I was feeling each time they speak to me over the phone its the same thing do I feel like being voilent towards people. I tell them no I dont. I dont feel voilent towards anyone. All I feel is dreadfully unhappy and want to get rid of this feeling I dont self harm I just feel life is not worth living and very negative about myself. I explained to them that I work shifts and would like an appointment outside my work hours as I dont want to be taking time off from work as I would have to say why. Anyway they say that we should make Drs appointment out of working hours.
I was on my own at home last w/end and all my thoughts were on killing myself as I cannot stand the way I feel then I got some bad news which only made things worse. I dont think its right that I should be having thoughts of killing myself as I thinks its wrong. Its the people that you leave behind that suffer when you do something like that. I had to keep an image of my son returning after the w/end and finding me and the effect it would have had on him. I hate feeling like this and crying all the time. I hate feeling pointless and afraid and tense all the time I try to be positive and think of the good in my life but I am in agony all the time its all in my mind and then there is the worry about my parents everything loams out of poportion. I feel so bad all the time. So sad.
Mary,
Just keep holding on, one minute at a time. It does get better – honest it does. As difficult as that may seem right now, it does pass. It’s not easy and yes the pain you feel is real. Help, although seemingly awkward from the sounds of it, does seem to be on the way. I truly hope so.
Just one foot in front of the other. Step by step, minute by minute and then eventually day by day. The sun will come out eventually.
Wishing you success.
I feel dreadful this morning. I wish I could just die. I am being hounded by the council for money the social for money. No matter how much I try to keep myself together and going I just keep getting knocked down and am finding it hard to climb back up. I dont know what to do. Life is not worth living. I don’t know how to keep going.
M.A.R.C.S. (murder, abuse, rape, chronical illness,suicide)
M.A.R.C.S. knows no boundries; M.A.R.C.S. doesn’t discriminate.
The causes are life with no hope, desperation, financial difficulties, education, depresssion and the solutions are: Friendship, Love, Freedom, HELP WITH FINANCES, HOPE , LOVE OF GOD.
Got to speak to someone at last and no medication.
They think CBT one to one would be the best thing for me. Now I am on the waiting list to be seen.
Being able to talk to someone helped. I dont know where its going to lead. What I do realise is that if it was not for the worry about my parents and financial problems I would not feel so overwelmed. I am lonely and find it hard to be around people. I just dont feel I belong here. I have lived with depression for so long sometimes being able to cope other times wanting to die but still carrying on. I just want an end to the awful feelings. I just feel so tired.
Mary,
So many of us are or have been where you are emotionally. It’s difficult but the CBT hopefully works for you – stay open to it.
Look at things this way – you are still here. A therapist said that to me the very first time I met him at the beginning of a long haul of recovery 17 years ago and I thought it was a crock of poo-poo. However, looking back at what I have over come, what I have survied living with my depression – I have to give myself credit, as you should, for still being here.
It takes a lot of courage and strength just to get out of bed in the morning and even to make it to an appointment. Bravo for you!
Keep hanging on and you’ll get there.
Good luck
Thank you for you kind words and encouragement. To be honest I feel so beaten down and tired that even the smallest thing gets to me. I just cant think straight. I feel afraid all the time.
It comes with the terrritory.
Thank you VV! Mary, I do believe I understand how you feel. As a woman who has lived with and battled increasingly severe depression for most of my life, I have no problem stating my complete lack of faith in the “mental health system” and 99.5% of its practitioners, practices, and most importantly it underlying concepts. In this case, the idea that is so widely held that suicide is “always” preventable is pretty much to allow those making that statement to feel they can do something about “things” in another person’s life when so often they can’t. That very idea – “suicide is NEVER the answer”, or any of the many ways that sentiment is stated – is itself stigmatizing and so demoralizing to those of us it’s directed at. I think it’s the most insidious guilt-trip ever uttered. Someone “out there” who knows absolutely nothing about the circumstances of my life is essentially telling me I’m a failure for being in so much pain that I’m thinking of taking my own life to try to end the intolerable pain I’ve been in and fought unsuccessfully for 30+ years. Only a person who’s never felt suicidal could say that; this is one situation in which people who haven’t “been there” should either keep their mouths shut or find something better to say. I have no intention of calling 911 or any hotline when the time comes that I finally make that decision, because in my case, talking to someone or being thrown in another psych unit for my own “safety” is only going to make everybody else feel better. It’s just gonna make my suffering all the worse. I know because I’ve been there/done that. I am absolutely not opposed to all the interventions in the world if they work for others. But “mental health” providers need to lose their arrogant we-can-fix-you-if-you-let-us attitudes. I’m a former oncology nurse, & would so much like to see the psych community develop the attitude and perspective one has to have to do well treating cancer patients: no false promises that everything will be OK, but an attitude that I will do EVERYTHING I can possibly do to help you get well (humility and realism but with passionate hope AND a true commitment to effective action), and will hope like hell we can work together and get you through this to live a better life. I personally would rather hear “If you’re thinking about killing yourself you must be in unbelievable emotional pain. Is there ANYTHING I/we can do to make things better?” But that doesn’t happen because the whole system would have to offer so much more than it currently can and does. It’s REALLY HARD work saving ruined lives, & unfortunately the “mental health” system currently has a much bigger bark than bite. I really hope both you and I find a way out of our respective tortured lives…but I know it’s gonna take a lot more than MORE pills and MORE talking and calling a hotline to change my life. Today, yes, I’m still here; but we don’t get points for needless suffering, and I can’t go on a lot longer like this. If anyone out there has a magic wand, now’s the time to come running. There are a lot of us out here who really need you NOW.
I started M.A.R.C.S. almost 21 years ago because I felt a need to make aware of certain facts that has been swept under the carpet by health care proffessionals. Suicide is a BIG DEAL the resources to help is sometimes just someone to talk to or an enviorment that is secure without the desperation.
All I want is to feel I can cope and its getting less and less all I seem to have is the feeling of hopelessness and not wanting to be alive. Talking does help for a while but then the overwelming feeling of life being pointless overtakes and I am back down in a pit. Its not that anyone wants to actually kill themselves its just that the awful way we feel death seems the only option to stop the pain. I keep going as it would effect my children if I were to take such a drastic step. I know my thinking is wrong but I dont know how to stop feeling so bad inside. Its just seems that all the decisions I have made in my life have just made things worse. The only good things in my life are my children. I am sitting here right now I cant eat my stomach feel awful all I want to do is put my head under the cover and sleep hoping not to wake up but I have to go to work. Not only have I got the depression to deal with I am being hounded by the council for more money that I owe them I am paying everything off slowely and its not good enough for them they just keep at me all the time. Its not that I am not paying I am up to date with everything. But they want more money than I can pay them from years back. I have family to support and its all too much. I cant eat when I can sleep I dread it when I awaken as it all comes back. I just want some peace and to be able to think straight.
I dont know what to do I have had a 2nd session with someone. They have booked me for another 5 sessions but am not sure if it will be the same person. It takes all my strength to go there and all I did was cry when I got into the room. She asked me what did I hope to get out the sessions and how did I think they would help me. I didnt know what to answer. I told her that I just wanted to stop feeling so awful and not to be crying all the time. I just wanted to be able to cope with things and not feel so bad and pointless all the time. All the time she just kept looking at the clock and just said unfortunetly its only for an hour and she needs to tell me what the sessions aims are. She wants me to make notes of what I want to talk about when I come. But what notes can I make. I wake up feeling dreadful my heart pounds I am in pain. The only release I have from feeling so dreadful is when I fall asleep but as soon as awaken all I can think is oh God why didnt I die in my sleep. I tremble and my heart pounds when I walk towards my door to go out. I pray to myself and try to tell myself that righ here right now I am ok to try and not myself from thinking and worrying but its not working. I want to get rid of this dreadfyl feeling inside of me. What do I do. I just feel so tired worn down and cold.
50 odd years I have had these feeling with very little peace inbetween its getting worse never ending. Part of me is saying you’ve kept going this long you never know you may feel better one of these day. You’ve had times when you could cope. Just keep going. How to I help myself.
Although I still have the same problems my depression lifted about a week before xmas I don’t know why but I felt myself begin to feel better and the horrible pit I was in was not so deep any more. I don’t know how long it will last and am dreading when I begin to feel it comming back. I had quite forgotten how it was to feel ok its been a whole year since I have felt ok. The CBT was nothing like when I went over ten years ago and the therapist is nothing like what I experienced either I told her why I was reluctant to try threaphy again as the last person I was sent to and even my dr all told me that they thought I cried a bit to easily and whatever my problems were I just had to comes to terms with them. She has just let me talk about my life as when she asked me what did I hope to get out of our meetings I told her I did not know. So she just let me speak and made notes and asked me questions. Most of the times I just end up crying which is something I want to stop but most of all she pointed out to me that after all the stuff I had told her she pointed out all the positive things I had done to help myself although I had not seem to acknowledge how I had managed to cope all these years. I dont know where it will lead but all I can say it that I will keep all my other appointments and am thankful for now that I am able to get up each morning without wishing I had died.
I feel like i have jinxed myself as soon as I wrote the above I began to feel my mood changing again it started with me feeling a bit tight in my stomach then sad and then just started to break down crying again. I have that horrible feeling in pit of my stomach again I dont want to wake up shaking all the time and feeling unable to cope but making myself what else can I do. I am back in the pit again.
Writing a diary may help you when you are feeling depressed. Then you could publish it under a pen name maybe it could help you and help others.
I keep a diary every year. Read the pages then tear it up as its so depressing most days now all I put is feeling awful. managed to get through the day or thanks god no work. And on really bad days I write God why did you let me wake up I want to die there is no point to me I am sick of feeling like this. It would be of no interest for anyone to read except to have then lose hope and feel more depressed.
I am not feeling too good forcing myself to get up and go to work because I have to. Finished CBT and was offered anti depressants to take the edge off my feelings and told that if I feel suicidal to go the the hospital. Other than that have to live with depression. I don’t want to be like this. I want it all to end.
Are you still with us, Mary? I’d like to talk to you.
First BettyBoopszzz is so totally on!!!
The Mental Health community is 99% responsible for making people crazy. People think if you go to a therapist they will help you. Unfortunately, most therapists that are any good, are full, or too expensive, the others are burned-out or were just in it for the money. Search for a good therapist, and interview them on the phone before hand, if they do CBT/Behavioral therapy. They will say they will, but then many times won’t after few visits ever start. So tell them you are going to record the sessions, which will help you to re-listen to your self, catching your thinking errors, (ingrained) poor self-esteem thinking errors, trauma issues, etc (*trauma requires additional special treamtent in addition). Plus the therapist will be more likely to “do the work” they have to do to help you, rather than doodling on paper or whatever many of them do. CBT/Behavior requires a therapist willing to work, care, patience, and constantly, but kindly point out your deeply ingrained thinking errors. Also look up the books about ECT (shock therapy) and how it permantly damages your brain, with no proof that it works, and “Brain-Disabiling treatments in Psychology”, etc. Just found out that for 25 years, trying so hard to get well, I have taken 50 (no exaggeration here) psych meds & ECT trying to get well, and I have gotten so much worse mentally, and physically can’t function even the the most minimal care.
PLEASE EVERYONE READ THE INFORMATION THAT’S ONLY BEEN RELEASED SINCE 2008 (APPROX) THAT ALL PSYCH DRUGS AND “STIMULANTS” PERMANTLY DAMAGE YOUR BRAIN, AND EVEN IF THEY WORK, IT WILL ONLY BE TEMPORARY, AND THEY ACTUALLY “INDUCE” BI-POLAR, RAPID CYCLING, MEMORY LOSS, SUICIDAL IDEATIONS, DEPRESSION, HOSTILITY, RAGE, AGGRESSION, ON AND ON!!!!!!!!!!! And we wonder why we don’t get well!!! We are just lab rats, why would a caring individual– Dr. or not, give someone a drug who’s depressed or even suicidal a drug that can cause “suicidal” thoughts and ACTIONS???
Mary*** you sound like me, and some others I’ve found, you have something that doesn’t have a name, but it’s like oversensitvity, but NOT in a BAD way!!!!! Some people enjoy watching war movies or slasher movies and have no feelings or empathy whatsoever. You and I and others are at the opposite end of the spectrum. Then we just get critized for it. If you had CANCER and were in so much pain, you cried, everyone would feel so sorry for you and wonder how you could possibly stand it, but you are in so much pain, for whatever reason(s), and you are chastised for it!!
You are a wonderful, sensitive caring person, with an illness that has to be kept “secret” for fear of loosing friends, family, and JOBS, ect. WHAT PRESSURE! Your mind is not working well, and just like anything not working well, it usually has a negative effect.
When you are “awake” your brain probably plays what we call “tapes” or “movies” of frustrating, horrible, failures, abuse (trauma) or whatever, over and over and over. If you can read, even a sentance or a paragraph a day, and you can order some books, I recommend for boredom sake, along with any good outside support & help, two or three books going at once so you have a variety. **MY (other) “bible” for 25 years is “The FEELING GOOD BOOK” by David Burns. Cognitive therapy in laymans and even some humorous ways. Everytime I read it and APPLY it (with help from therapist or anyone (roleplaying esp.) will help you identify where your brain isn’t working well and what you can do, by re-programing (takes time, be patient with yourself) your thinking. If you have abuse issues, lookup sites with trauma specialties.
Also, you sound so overwhelmed with things, which in this day and age, is difficult to control. Learn the things you CAN control, and what you CAN’T. Change jobs, DON’T go to a DEBT counceling or whatever agency, they won’t help your credit and will just take your money. But there is a lot of good financial advice out there, I only say this as you mentioned it. Credit is king nowdays, so if you need help, I’d be glad to do so anyway I can. I’ve had more sucess helping myself (if I hadn’t taken all there “Rat” poison and ECT, I’d be in physically better shape to help myself, but hopefully will come. We need more people on this planet like you Mary!!!!!!!!!!!! Your sensitivity just shows you care, but are so overwhelmed and in pain, ect, esp. by getting no help whatsoever from people, and actually being harmed by their lack of interest, ect. **BUT PLEASE, EVERYBODY, AT LEAST LOOK AT YOUR MED SHEETS WHEN YOU GET YOUR SCRIPTS FILLED, OR ON INTERNET, OR ESP. THAT BOOK MENTIONED ABOVE!!!!!!!!!!!! I took a 3 hr. test, and it proves that they have RUINED my mind. Too much to get into here, but I want the word to get out so people don’t end up brain-damaged, physically ill, and isolated because people can’t deal with you, but if you had cancer or whatever they can relate to you’d have lots of support & help. Mary the reason you can’t function is—get ready–because you are SICK!!! That’s why you can’t handle stress either. Just like if you get VERY ill, from flu virus or whatever that is a really bad one, or it starts as a cold, you have symptoms of a runny nose, etc., and you know you have a cold. But if you don’t take care of yourself, it may develop into something more severe, like the flu, etc. Most people can’t work or take stress or do anything but sleep when they are very physically sick, and if they don’t take precautions with the flu, you can get so bad you can die from it. So it’s NO DIFFERENT with a DEPRESSION!!!! So do your best to 1st get off your own back, and don’t let anyone else guilt trip and SHAME you about your delicate personality that is just FINE. As you heal, and get better, GRADUALLY VERY GRADUALLY quit talking “rat” poisons, (if you reasearch & agree), adjust your THINKING and your other issues you CAN adjust along with learning to do “square-breathing” (really works, I fought doing it for years, doubted it, but really does work), and also find out what you can do that works for you to self-soothe. Dale Carnegie’s Book “Stop Worrying and Start Living” is as applicable today as when it was written. Mary, please continue to write, I felt so endeared to you when I finally found this site the 20th and wish I would have found it earlier. Any illness makes a human being TIRED. The longer you have it, the more tired you are. So accept the fact that your body needs the sleep to deal with your illness, just like anybody else does with a physical illness. IT DOES NOT MAKE YOU A BAD PERSON BECAUSE YOU HAVE A UNRELENTING DEPRESSION I’M SURE YOU DIDN’T ASK FOR!!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON FOR BEING OVERWHELMED, TIRED, WORRIED, AFRAID OF THE FUTURE, OR WHATEVER IS CAUSING YOUR DEPRESSION. But the “CHEMICAL IMBALANCE” THING IS A NON-PROVEN THERORY THE DRUG COMPANYS AND PSYCH’S ARE USING TO CREATE BI-POLAR AND “MENTAL ILLNESS” IS UP %700 IN LAST TEN YEARS, WHILE THE DRUG COMPANYS KEEP ROLLING OUT MORE BRAIN & PHYSICALLY DAMAGING (!!!!!). GOOD THERAPY WORKS A MILLION TIMES BETTER WITH A GOOD THERAPIST, AND LOT’S OF WORK ON BOTH ENDS. BEST WISHES MARY, YOU ARE JUST FINE, AND I BET A GORGEOUS GEM UNDERNEATH THE DEPRESSION, THAT YOU JUST “CAUGHT” LIKE ANY OTHER ILLNESS, THAT YOU DIDN’T ASK FOR, THANKS FOR REACHING OUT!!
Sorry people I wrote a “book”!! But I wish someone had told me this, stuff, no one helped me, and 25 years ago didn’t even have the internet. Up till 2008 Drug co’s hid the very damaging “side effects” and even more is still hid, but my mom was dying and so I haven’t had time to research about the drugs until about nov 2010. So just want to scream it to everyone so they don’t end up like me. Hope maybe the “book” will help someone.
Thanks people.
I would never commit suicide but I can’t stop thinking about it. Because I’m thinking about it all the time should I spend some time in an institution? I don’t know how serious it is when I know I won’t ever go through with killing myself.
MOFFIA,
Thinking negative thoughts to harm yourself makes you think about negative thoughts. Possitive thoughts about helping yourself by talking things over with a person who will listen may bring about possitive thoughts ; Maybe you should read articles or posts on the internet about people trying to help others before you think about killing yourself. DO YOU HAVE PARENTS, BROTHERS,SISTERS,AUNTS,UNCLES, GRANDPARENTS, CHILDREN ? ; NOONE deserves to be punished or unwanted ” Think possitive”
Haven’t been here for a while just don’t see the point. I was on a waiting list for counselling but the place has lost its funding so am back to square one. At the same time I don’t see the point in going to see someone to go over the same history of my life and how awful and afraid I feel as it does not change things. Because it in my mind and unless I can find someway of dealing with I wont feel better in fact as the years go bye I am less able to cope.
I met someone on the bus this week that I had not seen for years and we got talking qietly and she told me that some people had said to her they did not have time to be depressed or when she had told people she was depessed she got back “oh well now you have spoken to someone about it you must be feeling better” as if its as easy as that. A friend called me the other day and said another friend had told her how worried she was about me as I was in a bad way when she saw me. this was her reply to the person ” Oh she’s been like that for year she’ll be ok” I didnt even say anything to her what was the point. Thats the thing with this illness and it is an illness no one know how to help you and most think that is something you can shake off. I feel lost and can hardly function. I have a lot of personal problems and financial problems and responsibilties. Even the smallest things have me in a panic. It takes all my energy to go to work I cry each morning when I wake up and just about manage to get through the day. The only relief I get is when I am asleep and even there I am not alway safe as I wake from very anxious and frightening dreams sometimes. I dread being out the house yet I dread being in here as well.
As I get older it gets worse all the dr offers is anti depressants but been there and the effects were awful. Not looking for a reply cos there is no answer just needed to write how I am feeling.
I had a few weeks off work and although I still felt depressed, I did not have that awful feeling in the pit of my stomach I get each morning I wake and have to go to work. I am seeing a counsellor weekly now and its helping me a bit. I went back to work and the the pit in my stomach came back. I feel tired all the time. The moment I wake up I get this awful feeling in my stomach and I am shaking I feel sick like I am going to puke. I pray and read my bible and cry, really I want to scream because thats what i am doing inside. I feel so bad. Back a week and I want not to wake up.
Help. My life is complete hell. My wife left me for a man in her Medical School class. We have two children. I am in my second year of my Graphic Design program and have two more years to go. I have no money, no good way of financing anything, my education, my home, my kids and then if I have to pay child support and lose my government help I will be completely devastated. It is looking like this will happen, my wife is making me do supervised visits with our children even though she left them with me for months to go off and have her affair. She apparently found images of girls in swimsuits on our shared laptop. She is using this to make me do a bunch of sexual deviance assessments and I am completely ashamed of who I am and how people view me. I have always been a wonderful father to my children and never have nor would ever do anything to hurt them. I am in constant and extreme pain. It is never ending I can’t make it stop I can’t make it stop never ending. And It is extreme. Psychological torture. My heart rate is consistently over 100bpm, I stand to lose everything in my life. I stand to lose my home and my children and my education and my reputation and my future. I feel like a complete burden to my family and friends. I don’t want to do anything. I can’t. I wake up with my heart racing everything is so surreal all the time. I can’t stop this extreme regret. I feel like my life is over over. I keep thinking well, I have had a good life so far. Good bye my loved ones. I can’t get out of this. How can I go to school full time and work and pay for a divorce and I still have my children half of the week. I have to arrange supervisions for all that god damn fucking time. IT IS ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE. But if I stop seeing my kids they will 1.be devastated. THEY NEED ME. and 2. When the court looks at the case if I am not with them half the time I stand no chance of getting any level of custody. If I lose custody I lose my children my funding and have to pay child support and I CANNOT AFFORD that and then I will be in extreme debt because we’ve been going to school so long. I was expecting that we’d support each other and if she got into medical school things would be ok. But now I have to take on all that debt myself coming out of college making 33 a year? at 30 years old? And paying child support for this damn bitch who when she’s done with school will be making 200 thousand along with her new med school guy making the same?
That and I have chronic knee pain.
I am in so much hell I just don’t think that I can go on. I have to. I have to just keep going, but fuck. This is really bad. I have that feeling like there is a murderer in my home late at night. But I feel that all the time. I must live for my children, but I need to die to make this agony end. this is agony. complete agony and I don’t think that it will ever stop.
I’m 13 years old and iv already been admitted to hospital :/ I attemtped susiced because of my boyfriend at the time,an friends,family. M Vjfjfjfjfjfjfjfb mum works offshore and her job is very stressful so it gets to me and the family but I always get reminded of that 1 night. Every time I look in the mirror my eyes dont swinkle anymore they look dead and scared. I still think people would be better off without me in their life’s. I don’t speak to anyone about how I feel I just keep it in u til it aw gets to much and I just explode and start crying and cutting myself and thinking of my life and how much iv been through and if anyone would even bother I’m gone. My friends notice changes but they just think it’s that time in a teenagers life but it’s not. Iv felt like this since the age of 7. Iv tried hanging myself, overdoes,
. Cutting myself and tried hurting myself