If I had to name the most common complaint I hear among people with depression, it is that they are lonely. Just a little while back, I replied on a thread within Group Beyond Blue to a woman who started a thread called “Who Do I Turn To?” She wants so badly to connect with another woman — as the anchors in her life, her mother and friends, have either passed on or moved.
So many of us are lonely. It is at the core of so many disorders and illnesses. Not just the imaginary ones made up in our psyches (or so many think), but heart disease and immunity functions and nervous system disorders. Many of our health issues in this country stem from loneliness.
In his PsychCentral blog entry, “Loneliness Is Not a DSM-5 Disorder, But It Still Hurts,” Psychiatrist Ron Pies reports on what loneliness does to the body.
Before posting, please read our blog moderation guidelines. The comments below begin with the oldest comments first. Click on the last comments page to jump to the most recent comments.
Before posting, please read our blog moderation guidelines.
Post a Comment:
Copyright © 1995-2013 Psych Central. All rights reserved.
Site last updated: 21 May 2013
|
The best way to be loved is by taking the first step and handing it out as unconditional as possible but just down throw it away. You can expect some in return and that’s ok too.
Thanks for the shout-out and the very useful ideas on loneliness, Therese! —Best regards, Ron
Loneliness is a protective emotional and physical alarm. It alerts us to the danger of being without the necessary support of other human beings. Our most primal instincts for connection are based on the absolute need for society, interaction and support (both giving and receiving). In prehistoric times the physical necessity for interdependence for survival (hunting and gathering, protection from predators, etc.) was a full-time job.
Now that we have become independent as individuals, our freedom is a sword that cuts both ways. Yes, it’s nice to be able to choices for ourselves; to have some personal space and some alone time. Our brain, however, has not changed with the advent of 24 hour grocery stores. It still goes into a state of alarm when we feel separated from society.
Even though we probably won’t starve or be attacked by wildebeests as a result of being alone, we do suffer great emotional stress with serious physical ramifications when we are alone for long periods of time.
The good news is that we can control whether or not we are lonely! We don’t have to wait until someone decides to come to us and break the silence. We can leave our homes and go directly to a soup kitchen, the Salvation Army, the Red Cross, United Way, or any of hundreds of locations where people volunteer to help others. Helping someone else is the fastest way to stop feeling sorry for ourselves. We can’t be lonely when we’re helping others. If we can’t leave our home, we can work on a hotline to help people with emotional issues. We can make a pie and take it to the neighbor. We can babysit for the friend who is juggling 3 jobs. There is no limit to the number of ways we can help. Part of the alarm is telling us that we aren’t doing enough for others.
Loneliness is an epidemic in our society today, and luckily we each have the tools to break the cycle.
Self-pity is not loneliness. And loneliness cannot be healed by creating a realtionship based on someone else’s need. That is codependency.
You have no understanding or compassion for those who suffer loneliness. Your comments are condescending and invalidating. People can and are lonely while helping others.
I agree….after a divorce of 31 years of abuse…and 7 years of alone (I stayed that long, because of the fear of…being alone), and it has been everything I thought it would be! LOL
When we take ourselves…out of ourselves by helping/being with other people, the lonleiness is eased.
At 64, I put my “soul” into a book, Sanctuary of the Soul. I won a scholarship, because of what I wrote about my life and am a freshman.
I keep on keepin’ on and always will….Life is full of adventures still to experience and i am determined to make a difference by appearing on National Television to speak of one of my passions: Verbal Abuse: Shocking statistics: over 52 million women living in fear, silence and shame in the U.S. alone.
Thank you for the article!