You and I can talk, we can reach out and touch each other on the arm and we can see each other, but we can never know exactly what’s going on in the other’s head.
It’s why psychological science is so hard and it’s why understanding others can sometimes be so hard. It’s also why understanding how we are viewed by others is so hard.
Even the least narcissistic of us spend some time trying to work out how others view us: Do they find us attractive, intelligent, trustworthy, funny?
The news may not always be good, but it still would be fascinating to know.
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I wonder about all those self-descriptions on internet singles dating sites. Are any of them too good to be true? Do others perceive them differently?
Of course, I really am handsome, charming, and incredibly lovable.
Great blog post! So true. I’ve often had the discussion with others who want me to care how about how others see me – of course I do, but only to a certain degree. My answer to these debates is that no matter how hard I try, I cannot control how others see me, because like you said, they see me through their own filters. It seems that trying to control how others see me is really only controlling myself – and making me act in ways that are inauthentic.
Some friends and I joke – “Hi Self!” when we see each other, to remind ourselves that we are only seeing portions of our self through another.
Thanks for the thoughts on this one!
I don’t understand how imagining how I would be “rated by the other person in several months’ time” would be any different than imagining how they rate me now especially if I haven’t made any major changes in my looks or how I act, etc. Nor do I see how this would give me a better perspective on how the see me.
Indeed, thank you for sharing, it is certainly something to keep thinking about. I also loved reading the following*lol* ‘You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.’ (also) I found this article through a tweet from the @TheSocialBrain
Hm, now that I got the chance to rethink. I don’t care about how, what others see me as, think about me, I mostly care to be able to live with myself in the never-ending process of becoming ~ each word I use, each thought I think or reject, each action or inaction becomes a part of me.
I am in a sharing mood today so, here it comes
- what I am currently trying to figure out: In the past I felt that people that don’t speak up when they see that something doesn’t feel right(when they interact with someone else) don’t care and that felt sooo mean that is why I decided to share my observations with the other individual(s) until that day(almost two weeks ago)that I noticed something but I didn’t say anything(As I usually do)because I have faith in that person’s ability to figure it out, I silently recognized the state of mind and interacted as usual with that person(but I didn’t say anything – I knew that that if it got worse(than expected) I would have to speak up)
The day after that event(and my silent observation) someone else noticed what I noticed and shared their observation with that person and that person genuinely responded, thankfully accepted the observation while making his own reality check.
Few days ago I felt that I needed to share my observation. The third time something kept*popping up while we interacted*I first meet that person in the city, then talk on the phone and then at her place and she thankfully accepted my observation about her emotional well being, she(a dear friend) thanked me because I cared not like the others(that’s what she said)and that is why I shared with her the above mentioned observation but she didn’t ‘bought it’ – my conclusion. My conclusion was that maybe others have thought the same thought when they were being silent(‘didn’t care enough’)
–> ‘because I have faith in that person’s ability to figure it out, I silently recognized the state of mind and interacted as usual with that person(but I didn’t say anything – I knew that that if it got worse(than expected) I would have to speak up’
That’s all for now, I will try to ‘figure it out’ until something else makes me think twice:)
I am old and waiting to die. I do not care how others view me.
It seems so many people are looking for approval from others when they should really be starting with themselves; approving of themselves.
It doesn’t matter how others see you, it matters how you see yourself.
That’s my two cents worth, anyway.