YourTango Articles

5 Practices to Create Purpose From Trauma

Sunday, February 22nd, 2015

How to Sit with Someone Else’s Pain

If you want to support friends, family, acquaintances and strangers suffering from trauma, Rule #1 — Skip the “everything has a purpose” line.

Please don’t place “purpose” on other people’s trauma. Purpose may eventually exist around our devastation, but only because we found it. We worked for it, answered the hard questions, and cried for hours trying to release enough pain to grab hold of it.

Sure, I can see purpose in why God made the sky blue, the grass green, and the sun shine. I can get behind that; but, I don’t believe God somehow expects us to find purpose in our trauma. We can choose, however, to find purpose after we first open ourselves to healing the wound itself.

18 Tell-Tale Signs You’ve Crossed the Emotional Affair Line

Sunday, February 22nd, 2015

Overcoming Family Assumptions

Has your flirtation gotten out of hand?

In this day and age, most of us have friends of the opposite sex, whether they are co-workers, casual acquaintances or close confidantes. The question is: how close is too close when you’re in a romantic relationship with someone else?

Here are some signs that your so-called friendship may be entering the not-so-gray area of emotional infidelity:

1. You dress up for him.

When you buy new clothes or change your hairstyle and wonder what he’ll think (instead of how your partner will react) that’s a danger sign. We all consider our audience when we’re getting ready to go out, but doing so with a particular other in mind — not your significant other — suggests there’s something more here than meets the eye.

How Extroverts and Introverts Can Have Happy, Healthy Relationships

Monday, February 16th, 2015

woman man couple 3

Sure, you’re “outgoing,” but does that mean it’s OK to be overwhelming?

Congratulations! You finally snagged a date with that HOT guy from the gym. Over dinner, you practically sit on your tongue to appear demure. After all, isn’t being an introvert ALL the rage these days? (Everywhere you turn, you hear how much happier introverts are in life, love and work.)

Then, the real you slips out. You can’t hold the words inside any longer and they suddenly flow from your mouth like lava into the Pacific Ocean. As you try to fall asleep after another less-than-stellar date, you berate yourself for not mastering the art of keeping your mouth shut.

How Constantly Apologizing Affects Our Personal Relationships

Friday, February 6th, 2015

sorry_no_apologies

We’re not kids anymore: Apologizing doesn’t make everything right. So stop saying it!

While there’s no way of getting around ever having to you’re sorry, resorting to repetitious apologies in an effort to restore trust and intimacy with your partner can produce unexpected results.

Unfortunately, this guilty approach to relationships often backfires.

How One Woman Reclaimed Stability During Postpartum Depression

Tuesday, January 27th, 2015

Mindful Self-Compassion and Parenting

One minute I was fine, the next a raging lunatic.

Nothing ever prepares you for motherhood. Nothing. I read the books, made my birth plan, chose a playlist for my delivery and yet I was still totally naive and ignorant when the baby actually came nine months later. I was particularly wary about having postpartum depression since I had had episodes of depressed states in my 20s.

In the first few months after giving birth, I was always on guard of how I was feeling. It was a soupy mixture of sleep deprivation fog and hazy bliss.

I was handling new motherhood like a champ until six weeks in at 3 AM in the morning when my husband and I had a huge fight, the biggest to date in our marriage.

6 Tips for Building Emotional Muscle When Life Gets Tough

Thursday, January 15th, 2015

Woman outdoors holding flower smiling

If your emotional muscle is damaged from the past, it’s up to you to build it back up.

The scenario happens so often, it’s practically cliche:

A woman or man in an “unhappy” marriage meets someone new. Instantly, there’s a powerful connection, and maybe even an affair occurs; and, instantly, this person thinks she or he now knows how to be happy again.

6 Ways to Tell If You and Your Partner Are In a Toxic Relationship

Sunday, January 11th, 2015

upset couple backs bigst

Are you giving everything and getting nothing but hurt? It’s time to move on…

The unspoken dating rule is that once you’re bonded with someone, you don’t want to let go, even if things aren’t going great.

Since most of us like to avoid our feelings, we don’t want to do the grieving that’s necessary to let go. But when you’ve had a loss, there are a certain number of tears you must cry to let go — getting on with the crying is the fastest way. Even if the dissolution of the relationship was your idea, you may be clinging to a dream — in denial.

A bad relationship can become like an addiction — a difficult habit to break, because you are emotionally attached, and the attached part of you wants to keep trying, while the rational part knows you need to let go.

Feeling Down? Three Attitude Changers for a Happier Life

Saturday, January 10th, 2015

just-be-happy-positive-psychology-smiling-woman

Are you buzz-killing your own joy? Here’s how to tell…

Gift-giving time? Skip the over-priced mall-bought gifts forgotten the day after a birthday, an anniversary, etc. There is a better gift to give everyone — it will change their life and yours.

Embrace the concept that there is treasure in everything and fully trust that you are in the right place, at the right time. Decide that you are in charge of your life and your happiness. And the best way to share the gift of happiness with others is through gratitude.

Think you already have an attitude of gratitude? Well, think again.

Partner Diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder? 10 Truths You Need to Know

Thursday, January 8th, 2015

Therapist listening to the couple sit on the couch in front of h

I was 18 years old, pregnant, scared and lonely when I met my now husband. We became best friends and two years later, he married and had a baby. Fast forward six years, we were madly in love and engaged, then married.

One year after that, my husband came home after work, sat down at the kitchen table and told me he wanted a divorce. I refused. Not very nicely.

A few months after that, he was diagnosed with Bipolar 2, and our marriage was in for a hell of a ride. Ten years later, I’ve had a book published about our marriage, a lot of sleepless nights, and a heck of a lot of a lessons learned about loving someone with bipolar disorder. Here’s a few biggies:

3 Steps to Empower Yourself Using Your Own Anger

Wednesday, January 7th, 2015

Consequences of Emotional AbuseDo you struggle with with releasing anger and forgiving?

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” -Buddah

Rare is the individual who doesn’t have feelings of anger or disappointment towards some member or members of their family. After all, we’re all human, imperfect and limited in our perspectives.

5 Signs Stress Is Destroying Your Love Life and How to Save It

Monday, January 5th, 2015

Portrait of an upset couple

Stressed out? You may be damaging your relationship more than you think. Here’s how to fix it.

Stress is sensory overload. Love, at its best, is sensory openness.

Our senses — touch, smell, taste, seeing, hearing, and intuition — are how we experience ourselves and others. Under stress, we lose access to our senses, and therefore, lose our ability to connect intimately, and our partners may give up in frustration.

New Study: How Long Does It Take to Mend a Broken Heart?

Sunday, December 28th, 2014

heart-pinned-to-wall

Wondering when you’ll feel like yourself again?

You’ve heard it a billion times: “Time heals all wounds.” But when you go through a bad breakup, you’re probably wondering, exactly how much time are we talking?

From losing your appetite to possibly having negative health affects, you’ll probably go through a lot of changes after a relationship ends. So, it’s only natural to want to know how long after a breakup we will start to feel like ourselves again.

Recent Comments
  • Lauren: Question to anyone…..how to deal with Scoipaths in the workplace? Plus after leaving you decide...
  • sarah: If anyone has some good advice please help me I m a married women my parents n brothers hurt me alotsince long...
  • Exhausted: Why therapy might not be working? Where to begin? Therapy has demonstrated some effectiveness in helping...
  • Anne: “A short time of freedom from what’s threatening, an opportunity to just breathe without worry, is...
  • Anne: Hi George, I first found your articles when a search pulled up this post last week. I was searching for...
Subscribe to Our Weekly Newsletter


Find a Therapist
Enter ZIP or postal code



Users Online: 15342
Join Us Now!