Sexuality Articles

Activities for Couples to Get Closer

Sunday, November 23rd, 2014

Activities for Couples to Get CloserIt’s normal to feel disconnected from your partner from time to time. It happens to the healthiest of couples.

We are all busy. We all have things that should’ve been done yesterday. We may be parents, which adds an extra layer of hectic. We may have demanding jobs or several jobs. We may have completely different schedules from our partners.

So we asked two relationship experts to share several activities couples can do to reconnect and get closer.

How to Determine Whether It’s ‘Love’ Or ‘Lust’

Friday, November 21st, 2014

the-pill-dampen-sexualityNot sure about your feelings? Here’s how to know if what you are feeling is really love.

Moving from “like” to “love” is one of the most important transitions a couple can make. Unfortunately, it’s also one of the most misunderstood ones. Too many couples think that love is the same as lust. This equates love with the ooey-gooey excitement and breathless anticipation that usually occurs at the beginning of a relationship.

Defining love this way makes it into a feeling and the down side is that feelings come and go. If you don’t want your love to wax and wane with your emotions, you probably don’t want to define love solely as something you feel. Our culture doesn’t give us a lot of other options for a definition of true love, though. If it’s not just a feeling, then what else is it?

Single? Here Are 9 Ways to Enrich Your Own Life!

Monday, November 17th, 2014

single-holidays-pumpkin

Just because you choose to live a single life doesn’t mean you have to feel alone!

There are a lot of reasons to remain single these days, and many women are happy to do so. Unfortunately, other people often view single women with pity or misunderstanding. They think single women sit home every night eating Ben and Jerry’s by the gallon, feeling lonely and miserable.

But studies show that single people actually have more active lives than married people; they’re more likely to go out, be involved in their communities, join groups, have more friends and be more social!

Early Signs of Love Addiction

Sunday, November 2nd, 2014

Early Signs of Love AddictionAs I strengthen my relationship with my wounded child, I realize that my childhood showed signs of a developing love addiction. There were aspects of my home life that primed me for neediness and a tendency to define my value in the eyes of others. Deprivation played a key role. Here are some of the things I recall:

My mother was a perfectionist. She was ruthless in her oversight of our household chores. I remember one event from when I was a young adult. My mother had made a big issue about no one helping her. So I stepped in to help.

Why Real Love Is Hard Work

Sunday, October 19th, 2014

rainbow loomA month into our relationship, my now-husband asked me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”

I didn’t hesitate.

“As a nun in a third-world country doing missionary work,” I said.

“Interesting.”

Somewhere around that time I also told him it would be five years before I slept with him. It was the quickest five years of my life.

6 Absolute Must-Haves for Relationship Compatibility

Wednesday, October 8th, 2014

6 Absolute Must-Haves for Relationship Compatibility

Romantic relationships can be a lot of fun! The start of a new relationship is nearly always one of the most exciting times, as you each explore one another’s hopes, dreams … and bodies.

But what happens if you want to turn that short-term fling into a longer-term thing? Will those same characteristics you found exciting and different in your romantic partner work long-term?

You don’t have to be 100 percent compatible in order to make a long-term relationship work. But there are a few areas that you’ll find it beneficial to have partner compatibility.

Porn Addiction: Not the Whole Story

Monday, September 29th, 2014

Porn Addiction: Not the Whole StoryThe issue of whether porn addiction is real has produced a storm of controversy. Yet all this noise may be distracting us from a graver risk to healthy sexuality: sexual conditioning of adolescents.

I monitor a number of popular online recovery forums. I have read self-reports of thousands of otherwise healthy young men who heal severe symptoms, including sexual dysfunctions (anorgasmia, delayed ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, loss of attraction to real people) by removing a single variable: Internet porn use.

Reader Question: How Can I Spice Up My ‘Monotogamy’?

Thursday, September 4th, 2014

Reader Question: How Can I Spice Up My 'Monotogamy'?Reader Monotogamous (do you see how I’m trying to coin that phrase?  Monotonous monogamy?  Come on, that’s pretty good) writes:

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost three years and I feel I am getting emotionally detached from him because we never have sex … I saw that he was watching porn all the time a few days ago and it bothered me because I feel he’s lost interest in me sexually and physically. I feel as if we are just friends. What are some ideas I could use to bring “love” back?

Well, M, I applaud you for trying to bring the spark back into your relationship. As far as I see it, there are three main areas in a relationship: Sex, Trust, and Communication.

Single & Surviving as a Woman

Sunday, August 31st, 2014

All By Yourself 10 Ways To Overcome LonelinessBeing 34 and single, the last 10 years have been a time of a lot of emotional stress for me. I had been a very successful student in my younger days. So I used to take praise for granted. In the extended family I was touted as someone that the children should emulate. However, as I grew into my late twenties and remained unmarried, the dynamics with family and friends changed completely. 

Can a Sex Addict Also Be a Codependent?

Sunday, August 17th, 2014

Can a Sex Addict also be a Codependent?In my 27 years working with addicts and codependents, I rarely have come across a completely healthy partner of an addict. Although addicts’ partners are unequivocally not to blame for the addiction, and most certainly not the consequences of it, they certainly carry responsibility for the shared relationship problems.

The nature of shared relational responsibility is even more pronounced in the sex addict/co-addict (partner) relationship. Addiction psychotherapists all have experienced how both the addict and his or her partner participate, either actively or passively, in their dysfunctional relationship.

The One Trait that Predicts Sexual Satisfaction in Long-Term Couples

Sunday, August 10th, 2014

The Value of Human TouchThink a satisfying sex life in a long-term relationship is kind of an anomaly? Sure, people pretend it exists because it makes for good romantic comedies and keeps us married folks somewhat hopeful of our futures. But it’s not actually a “thing” in real life, right?

Well — yes and no. It is far too common for sexual satisfaction in long-term relationships to take a nosedive. The good news is, we know what to do about it. The bad news is many people are too lazy and complacent to do it. (As a couples therapist, I see this often.)

Losing Intimacy? Try These 5 Exercises to Bring You and Your Partner Closer

Saturday, August 2nd, 2014

couple_09d

Sometimes, a trip to Paris isn’t enough to solve the problems in your relationship.

Intimacy: everyone wants it, and alluring advertisements suggest that you can easily have it if you go to the right beautiful spot. You only need to get to the beach of a particular resort or the right romantic bed and breakfast, and you can be like the couples in the pictures, who are walking on the sand, arms around each other, toasting over dinner with their eyes locked.

Sadly, it’s not really that easy. I knew a couple who saved for a vacation in Hawaii where they had honeymooned 15 years earlier. When they returned from the trip, the man told me, “I know now I have to leave the relationship; even in Hawaii, in such a beautiful place where we’d had our best time, I couldn’t feel ‘it.’”

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