Sexuality Articles

Why Real Love Is Hard Work

Sunday, October 19th, 2014

rainbow loomA month into our relationship, my now-husband asked me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”

I didn’t hesitate.

“As a nun in a third-world country doing missionary work,” I said.

“Interesting.”

Somewhere around that time I also told him it would be five years before I slept with him. It was the quickest five years of my life.

6 Absolute Must-Haves for Relationship Compatibility

Wednesday, October 8th, 2014

6 Absolute Must-Haves for Relationship Compatibility

Romantic relationships can be a lot of fun! The start of a new relationship is nearly always one of the most exciting times, as you each explore one another’s hopes, dreams … and bodies.

But what happens if you want to turn that short-term fling into a longer-term thing? Will those same characteristics you found exciting and different in your romantic partner work long-term?

You don’t have to be 100 percent compatible in order to make a long-term relationship work. But there are a few areas that you’ll find it beneficial to have partner compatibility.

Porn Addiction: Not the Whole Story

Monday, September 29th, 2014

Porn Addiction: Not the Whole StoryThe issue of whether porn addiction is real has produced a storm of controversy. Yet all this noise may be distracting us from a graver risk to healthy sexuality: sexual conditioning of adolescents.

I monitor a number of popular online recovery forums. I have read self-reports of thousands of otherwise healthy young men who heal severe symptoms, including sexual dysfunctions (anorgasmia, delayed ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, loss of attraction to real people) by removing a single variable: Internet porn use.

Reader Question: How Can I Spice Up My ‘Monotogamy’?

Thursday, September 4th, 2014

Reader Question: How Can I Spice Up My 'Monotogamy'?Reader Monotogamous (do you see how I’m trying to coin that phrase?  Monotonous monogamy?  Come on, that’s pretty good) writes:

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost three years and I feel I am getting emotionally detached from him because we never have sex … I saw that he was watching porn all the time a few days ago and it bothered me because I feel he’s lost interest in me sexually and physically. I feel as if we are just friends. What are some ideas I could use to bring “love” back?

Well, M, I applaud you for trying to bring the spark back into your relationship. As far as I see it, there are three main areas in a relationship: Sex, Trust, and Communication.

Single & Surviving as a Woman

Sunday, August 31st, 2014

All By Yourself 10 Ways To Overcome LonelinessBeing 34 and single, the last 10 years have been a time of a lot of emotional stress for me. I had been a very successful student in my younger days. So I used to take praise for granted. In the extended family I was touted as someone that the children should emulate. However, as I grew into my late twenties and remained unmarried, the dynamics with family and friends changed completely. 

Can a Sex Addict Also Be a Codependent?

Sunday, August 17th, 2014

Can a Sex Addict also be a Codependent?In my 27 years working with addicts and codependents, I rarely have come across a completely healthy partner of an addict. Although addicts’ partners are unequivocally not to blame for the addiction, and most certainly not the consequences of it, they certainly carry responsibility for the shared relationship problems.

The nature of shared relational responsibility is even more pronounced in the sex addict/co-addict (partner) relationship. Addiction psychotherapists all have experienced how both the addict and his or her partner participate, either actively or passively, in their dysfunctional relationship.

The One Trait that Predicts Sexual Satisfaction in Long-Term Couples

Sunday, August 10th, 2014

The Value of Human TouchThink a satisfying sex life in a long-term relationship is kind of an anomaly? Sure, people pretend it exists because it makes for good romantic comedies and keeps us married folks somewhat hopeful of our futures. But it’s not actually a “thing” in real life, right?

Well — yes and no. It is far too common for sexual satisfaction in long-term relationships to take a nosedive. The good news is, we know what to do about it. The bad news is many people are too lazy and complacent to do it. (As a couples therapist, I see this often.)

Losing Intimacy? Try These 5 Exercises to Bring You and Your Partner Closer

Saturday, August 2nd, 2014

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Sometimes, a trip to Paris isn’t enough to solve the problems in your relationship.

Intimacy: everyone wants it, and alluring advertisements suggest that you can easily have it if you go to the right beautiful spot. You only need to get to the beach of a particular resort or the right romantic bed and breakfast, and you can be like the couples in the pictures, who are walking on the sand, arms around each other, toasting over dinner with their eyes locked.

Sadly, it’s not really that easy. I knew a couple who saved for a vacation in Hawaii where they had honeymooned 15 years earlier. When they returned from the trip, the man told me, “I know now I have to leave the relationship; even in Hawaii, in such a beautiful place where we’d had our best time, I couldn’t feel ‘it.’”

Twenty-Somethings and Love: 10 Lessons to Learn ASAP!

Wednesday, June 25th, 2014

3 Therapy Exercises to Help Couples Connect

Let’s bust some terrible ideas!

People in their twenties are full of life and promise, and that’s a great thing. But they are also full of some lousy ideas about love.

So let’s take a moment to educate ourselves on the things we need to know, and the misconceptions we need to drop, ASAP.

Considering Having Sex? 10 Factors to Consider…and Maybe Say No

Tuesday, June 24th, 2014

man stress bed with partner bigst

My last blog’s topic was about the varied reasons people have sex, which led a reader to ask me: “When is the right time to start a sexual relationship?”

This is a difficult question to answer because there isn’t a set recipe of “right or wrong” timing. This decision depends entirely on each individual’s own values, interests and attractions.

It is actually easier to tell you when starting a sexual relationship is likely to lead you to difficult consequences, rather than when it is okay to go forward.

One-Night Stands: 5 Shocking Facts About the Science of Hooking Up

Monday, June 16th, 2014

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See the surprising ways your brain (and your hips) play a role in your casual sex encounters.

It’s a familiar scene: a thriving nightlife, a club or maybe a wine bar where glasses are clinking and singles are mingling before drifting off into the shadows — two by two. It’s not the perfect picture of romance, but when you’re caught up in the moment, a warm body feels like a fair substitute for love, right?

Hooking up is just a reality of the dating scene. But since when did the hookup scene become the place to find love? While you may think you’re just living the carefree single life, your brain is influencing your decisions more than you might want to admit.

3 Paths for a Hotter Sex Life

Tuesday, June 10th, 2014

3 Paths for a Hotter Sex LifeImproving your sex life means focusing on more than just the physical.

Has your sex life dwindled from a hot, steamy affair to a lukewarm, occasional romp in the bedroom? You’re not alone. Many couples worry that their relationship is losing its original flair when the physical fun begins to simmer down.

While this may mean that your relationship is deepening into a new phase, a healthy sex life certainly goes a long way in terms of keeping partners connected. So how do you maintain it?

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