Sex addiction is an escalating state of dysfunction affecting body, mind and spirit. It is a series of sexual acting-out behaviors that are kept secret and are abusive to self or others. Sex addiction is used to avoid painful feelings, but often can be the source of such feelings.

Acting out sexually for a sex addict alters consciousness and feelings. It is a mental preoccupation which includes obsession and compulsion, and is devoid of a caring relationship. Sex addicts are unable to stop their behaviors on their own, but can be responsive to the recovery process using a 12-step model such as Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA).

A formal disclosure is an important piece when putting together the recovery puzzle. It involves the sex addict and his or her partner meeting with a therapist trained in sex and love addiction issues.

This guest article from YourTango was written by Sharon Rivkin and Nancy Lee Bentley.

Feng shui, often called the art of placement, is an ancient oriental science incorporating astronomy, geography, environment, magnetic fields, physics and natural elements. The Chinese have been using it four thousand years to optimize living and working environments, with an amazing track record of benefits in health, happiness, prosperity and relationships for those who study and use its principles.

Ask practitioner Sophia Schaul; her love life’s dry spell and failing business turned right around using Feng Sui. Now both she and her husband Chris are happy, successful feng shui, (say fung-shway) consultants.  She says even the simple placement of doors, mirrors, or a fish tank, as well as colors, textures and sounds in the house or office have significance and influence the flow of “chi” or energy in our lives.

The bedroom is especially important in this system, since it’s the key area of the house where love, intimacy, relaxation and reproduction flourish.

This guest article from YourTango was written by Dr. Aline Zoldbrod and Dr. Shoshana Bennett.

How can you add more spice to your sex life? This age-old question may seem stupid to young couples in love, but after 5 or 10 years in a relationship, some couples begin to appreciate it.

In this article, two of our experts discuss how being more kinky — and vulnerable — together — such as taking naked photos, reading erotica aloud — can make  sex more fun. Not every one of these ideas is going to be right for you and your partner.

But even if none of these ideas work for you, it may spur an idea of your own. So open your mind, and share this article with your partner.

People develop addictions to shield themselves from intolerably painful feelings. An addiction always creates harmful, often ignored consequences. Only when the addiction becomes unmanageable will people do something about it.

Love addicts spend much time, effort on a person to whom they are addicted. Love addicts value this person above themselves, and their focus on the beloved other often is obsessive.

This behavior results in love addicts neglecting to care for themselves in a variety of ways, in essence abandoning important aspects of their lives and well-being to stay connected to the object of their affections.

For as long as Viagra has been on the market for men (1998, if you’re keeping tabs), scientists have been hard at work trying to find a female equivalent. What will make women as horny as men on Viagra?

The answer has been elusive. That’s probably because sexuality isn’t just about blood flow to your sexual organs, but also the blood flow to your primary sexual organ — your brain. Research has suggested that for women, the brain is as important as any other body parts. And for researchers looking for a female sexuality pill, that presents a unique set of challenges.

The New York Times talks about researchers’ latest attempts at crafting such a pill, called Lybrido. It’s an in-depth story that explores women’s personal experiences — and frustrations — with their decreased sexual desire.

Divorce and breakups are hard for most people. It’s probably one of the most traumatic experiences a person can go through, next to the death of a loved one, or getting a letter from the IRS. Yet for others, it’s a blast of freedom, a chance to reset and start again.

But one aspect of getting divorced — or breaking up with your boyfriend or girlfriend — that can and probably will cause all kinds of problems is if you end up having sex with your ex. Oh yes, it happens. Hey, don’t look so shocked, you know you’ve done it.

Sometimes it’s not a planned thing. Sometimes it just ‘happened’ that one night when he came over to collect his Eminem CD’s, slanket, and favorite Big Bird mug. Or you may have a regular thing going on because your ex is ‘so damn hot’.

Whatever the circumstance, you might want to ask yourself, “Is this really a good idea?”

Are sex and intimacy different things? Can you have one without the other? Or does one lead to another?

It seems that there are many conflicting opinions on the roles of sex and intimacy within a relationship (and out of one, too).

It is difficult to really get to the bottom of this problem because no two people have exactly the same ideas on sex. In a traditional framework, sex would come with long-term commitment, or marriage, which would be associated with the couple having an intimate connection with each other (and usually wishing to procreate).

However, in an increasingly promiscuous society, the connection between sex and intimacy can be a tenuous one.

Could the bystander effect be partially to blame for the lack of anyone intervening in the rape and sexual assault of Rehtaeh Parsons and Audrie Pott while it occurred?

The bystander effect is a psychological phenomenon whereas the more people that are present when a person is in distress, the less likely anyone intervenes to help that person. Both cases involved a young girl being sexually assaulted and raped while at a house party with other teenagers.

Add alcohol to the mix — and the emotionally-based (often poor) judgment associated with the teenage years — and yes, it appears to be the perfect recipe for disaster.

I’ll be the first to admit it: I am sort of a sucker for consumer-friendly psychology magazines. Publications like Psychology Today are full of articles I either enjoy reading or using as fire kindling. Or, when I am really irritated by the content, writing articles on the topic. Like this one.

The article, published in Psychology Today, is titled “Ahead of the Curves” and the brilliant tagline? “Men know something vital about women’s body shapes that women don’t. Plus: How big hips make wise women.”

It is six pages long and features illustrations of women who look more like playmates than the women who have the aforementioned “big hips” and are “wise” because of it. One of the illustrations boasts a sexy blonde wearing a pastel-pretty bra and tight briefs. She is pursing her red lips — ready to kiss! She is rather revolting and her hips, well, they certainly are not wise.

That alone is irritating but this is the part that really makes me question my taste in literature: This lengthy article is written by two men.

Sometimes I worry that society is becoming immune to infidelity and cheating in a romantic relationship. We hear things like, “Half of all marriages end in divorce” and “Half of people in a relationship admit to cheating.” We become desensitized and perhaps a bit pessimistic by hearing these disheartening statistics repeated over and over again.

It’s become so bad that some people are even making up statistics to either sell their infidelity-helping or infidelity-fighting services. For instance, one common statistic I hear thrown out there is that 50 percent of relationships involve infidelity.

Sadly, that statistic is not based upon any scientific research. It’s something marketing companies just made up and use to scare (or motivate) people into buying into their service.

So how common is cheating, really?

The open source movement has long been about sharing information and code freely and openly. So it’s a little odd when a “grassroots, open security conference” decides to censor a speaker it had invited to talk at one of its conferences.

The security conference, BSides SF, made the decision after a complaint was lodged against the talk by the Ada Initiative’s Valeria Aurora. The Ada Initiative is a group that works “to increase the participation of women in open technology and culture by educating both women and people of all genders who want to support women in open tech/culture” and was co-founded by Mary Gardiner and Valerie.

Valeria Aurora’s complaint was lodged against Violet Blue’s talk entitled, “sex +/- drugs: known vulns and exploits.” But rather than talking directly to the presenter to learn more about what the talk was going to be about, they brought their complaint to BSides SF’s organizer, Ian Fung.

In seeking to censor Violet Blue’s talk and add to the stigma of having open and frank discussions of sexuality, all that happened is that it amplified the controversy — and left a lot of unanswered questions.

Whether you can be friends with an ex tends to be determined by the two people once involved in the relationship. But as with anything else, there are some expert opinions on the matter.

Susan J. Elliot, author, relationship coach, counselor and speaker/ presenter, wrote an article on the subject that was featured last year on the Huffington Post. Elliot stresses that even after an amicable breakup, it’s extremely difficult to be friends, at least initially. The bond of the couple needs to break and sifting through the emotional aftermath takes time in order to efficiently heal.

“Each needs to deal with the breakup in their own way, apart from the scrutiny of the person they just broke up with,” she said.

“Most people cannot remain friends after a breakup, but if it will ever be, it will be later — much later. The atmosphere immediately following a breakup is too emotionally charged for it to happen right away, if at all.”