Books

5 Tips for Increasing Your Chances of Being Heard

We can’t control someone else’s behavior. We can’t control whether they really hear us or not. But we can make the process easier. That is, we can help the other person better understand where we’re coming from by being clear and compassionate. Often we do the opposite: Often we expect others to know what we need. How could they not? Isn’t it obvious? (Usually, it’s not obvious at all.)

Or we stay silent because we fear that by speaking up, we’ll be seen as high-maintenance, unreasonable or rude. If we don’t have much practice asserting ourselves, we might assume that doing so involves being harsh or stern. Or maybe we unwittingly use criticism or blame, which naturally makes the other person anything but receptive to what we have to say.
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Friends

How to Respond to Needy Friends

If we live long enough, and make and keep enough friends, we’re bound to encounter neediness. But while we’re more likely to recognize when someone else is being needy, it’s important to recognize that everyone --including us -- experiences times of deeper need at some point in life.

We may, for example, go through a stressful scenario -- a job transition, the loss of a loved one, a divorce, a work conflict -- that causes us to need extra support for a time. And the ways we reach out to people in our worst moments may sometimes come off as needy. With this in mind, it’s important to try to support our friends when they endure similar life stages, knowing that we may eventually need to be on the receiving end of their support.

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Brain and Behavior

Vulnerability Practice

Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow. ~ Mary Anne Rademacher

This quote speaks more clearly to me than any other of the mistake we sometimes make when we glorify achievement, striving and courage. And vulnerability.

In our “just do it” culture, we often push aside our needs, our low energy levels, our unhealed, raw vulnerability and force ourselves onward “no matter what.”

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Depression

Letting Go of a Depression Cure Can Set You Free

I keep going back to this quote by Vivian Greene when it comes to learning how to live with my chronic illness: “Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass… It’s about learning to dance in the rain.”

In fact, every morning I drink out of a mug with that quote on it to remind myself of Vivian’s wisdom: IT’S NOT ABOUT GETTING TO THE OTHER SIDE. With chronic illness, the important exercise is to get out the rain boots and start stomping in the puddles -- to not let the downpour stop you from living.
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Habits

3 Behaviors That Could Wreak Havoc On Your Life


So, stop doing that!

Let me ask you a question: Are you trying to wreck your own life? I'm asking because it seems like the only possible explanation for some of the batshit crazy stuff we choose to do.

I’m not pointing fingers. Think of me as the little Monopoly guy in a striped jail bird suit — Guilty as charged! But, I'm going to be blunt here, we all seem to love wreaking havoc on our own lives by clinging to dumb ideas and behaviors that are getting use nowhere.
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General

Failure = Motivation

The purpose of failure is to motivate you to do something different to make your dream happen. After you fail, there are four steps to take to turn failure into success.

Step 1: Find the Lesson



Venture capitalist Manny says, “I will not invest in a business unless the people heading the company have failed at least once.” Many venture capitalists agree with Manny. Why is that? Why would an investor purposely invest in people that have failed? The reason is rooted soundly in Psychology. Failure teaches us lessons that success never can. Failure teaches us humility and character, both of which are highly valued and rewarded by both society and business.
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Family

5 Suggestions for Navigating a Contentious Divorce

Any divorce is difficult, even when the split is amicable. After all, divorce is a major transition, and change is tough. When your divorce is contentious, not surprisingly, things are harder. A lot harder.

“People are often caught off guard by the enormity of the divorce experience,” said Krysta Dancy, MA, MFT, a therapist who specializes in working with couples and families in Roseville, Calif.

If your marriage was contentious, you probably see your divorce as a relief, so you might feel blindsided when your stress skyrockets. You might feel utterly exhausted, anxious, depressed and unfocused, Dancy said.
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Brain and Behavior

Getting to Know Your 3 Brains: Part 4


Read more about getting to know your three brains: Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3.

The word “trigger” refers to anything that sets off the three brains to the point where you become aware of a thought, feeling or body sensation. In the exercise from the last post, you brought up a memory that “triggered” a feeling, thought or physical sensation. In other words, the memory evoked some experience for you.

Triggers can be external or internal. External triggers originate from our surroundings. An example of an external trigger is my mother’s criticism. As a result of her judging my outfit, let’s say, I am triggered to experience anger, sadness or shame. Since my mother is in the environment, this is an external trigger.

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Brain and Behavior

Warning Signs of Perfectionism (and How to Fix Them)

Perfectionists believe that there is no such thing as “good enough.” There is either “fail” or “don’t fail.” The concept of success is irrelevant because “success” is based on others' validation and is something to be chased but never realized.

Perfectionists never feel successful because there is always more to be done, more to be improved, more to “fix.” Because of this, they are often paralyzed by inaction or too much action.

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Books

5 Indispensable Parenting Practices

Being a parent is anything but simple or straightforward. Every day is essentially a new adventure. A beautiful, winding, topsy-turvy adventure. What can be a great help along the ride is your approach.

Sometimes, we assume that parenting is about striving for perfection. Or we think we need to be privy to some significant secret. Or we assume that parenting requires natural talents or natural instincts that we don’t have.

But really, parenting is a skill. It’s about learning and practicing.
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