Relationships Articles

Couples & Money: 10 Tips to Fix Your Finances Together

Sunday, November 30th, 2014

money hand 2

This knowledge will help you avoid common financial fights.

A strong relationship with your partner, and a solid, secure financial life together, begins with what you bring to the table. As a money and relationship coach, I work with couples who struggle with this; and, while there’s a lot they need to work on together, they first must start with themselves. And so do you.

Here, I’ve outlined the 10 big ideas that I walk everyone through to get on solid footing with their finances, so that they’re ready to be honest and optimistic about their future, their finances, and their relationships.

7 Tips for a Saner Holiday

Sunday, November 30th, 2014

7 Tips for a Saner HolidayAs soon as autumn comes, people’s thoughts begin to shift to the holidays, and sometimes those thoughts are accompanied by difficult emotions such as depression, frustration, and anxiety.

For some, the holidays conjure up unpleasant associations, such as the first event without Grandma there, or prickly family get-togethers. Then there are financial worries, the pressure to come up with gift ideas, dealing with school kids on vacation, to-do lists, and much more.

Tips to Ease Relationship Tensions

Saturday, November 29th, 2014

Tips to Ease Relationship TensionsI came home after a dinner with friends to hungry cats, wet laundry still in the washing machine, and muddy footprints tracked across the carpet.

I was tired. And I felt my tension rise. I’d expected those chores to be covered.

He had been out in the yard, digging a French drain to keep the crawl space from drawing too much rainwater during the winter storms.

He was tired from the wet, dirty work. He’d expected me to be pleased by the effort.

By the time we sorted through missed expectations, we were both impatient and irritated. We didn’t feel like talking — probably good because neither of us felt like listening, either.

Surviving Infidelity: Regain Your Confidence & Self-Esteem

Friday, November 28th, 2014

can-your-relationship-survive-cheating

It’s not okay for someone to give you less than 100% love and safety.

Ladies, if you’ve been cheated on, then you know how crippling it can be to your self-esteem. It can send a crumbling ripple effect to your ego, making you feel worthless for many months, if not years.

You play the blame game and you play it well. You’re the victim and you give your cheater immense power over you. You may look for answers but you may never get them. And because you don’t have a real answer as to why he or she committed infidelity, all you can do is blame yourself.

Why ADHD is Misunderstood

Thursday, November 27th, 2014

Why ADHD is MisunderstoodAttention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is regularly misunderstood. In fact, some believe that ADHD doesn’t even exist. One reason is the media. Some media perpetuate the myth that pharmaceutical companies created ADHD in order to cash in, said Terry Matlen, MSW, ACSW, a psychotherapist and ADHD coach.

“This couldn’t be further from the truth,” she said. “ADHD has been identified in medical books way before the advent of ADHD medications.”

How to Cope with Pain from the Past

Wednesday, November 26th, 2014

How to Cope with Pain from the PastOne of my favorite quotes, referenced in a piece on Tiny Buddha, states:

“If you get lost in a trigger that thrusts you to a painful event, take a deep breath and remember: we can’t change that we’ve been hurt before, but we can choose not to suffer now.”

That sentiment — that we can’t change the past, but we can choose not to suffer now — struck a chord. I’ve been through many emotional downs in previous relationships (especially one significant romantic relationship) and therefore hope to embody this approach. The past can be a cautionary tale, a reminder that we’ve endured pain, but we made it to the other side and learned from the experience.

How to Navigate Anger When You’re Used to Stuffing it Down

Wednesday, November 26th, 2014

How to Navigate Anger When You’re Used to Stuffing it DownMany of us are afraid of our anger, so we shove it down. We may worry that if we express it, we’ll do damage to ourselves or others, said Selena C. Snow, Ph.D, a clinical psychologist who specializes in anger management in Rockville, Md.

We may say or do things at home or at work that we regret or will trigger negative consequences, she said.

Society also plays a role in shaping our fear or mistrust of anger.

What it Means to be Vulnerable

Wednesday, November 26th, 2014

Flickr photo by gato-gato-gatoIt’s a fact of life that you can’t truly form a relationship with at least some degree of vulnerability. You have to open up at some point or another. This has been one of those particular problems for me and as I get older I’m slowly learning how to let people in.

The truth of it is that I tend to keep people at arm’s length. I tend to maintain a distance even between my closest friends and that may be to my detriment. Jumping in wholly and completely just isn’t something that’s easy for me to do. Whether it’s a result of being hurt in the past or a result of the paranoia I feel every day as someone living with schizophrenia I’m not sure.

3 Ways to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others On Social Media

Tuesday, November 25th, 2014

teen_computer09“The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.”
~ Steve Furtick

We all have certain triggers that can cause our confidence to take a sudden nosedive.

For some, it’s a trip to the gym. If you’re self-conscious of your body, watching fit people strut their stuff in their tightest fitting gym clothes likely has you over analyzing your every body part.

For others, it may be a certain individual — a family member, friend, or enemy that, for whatever reason, leaves them with the dreaded feeling that they just aren’t enough.

Getting Past Those Awkward Moments — in Baseball and in Marriage

Monday, November 24th, 2014

Getting Past Those Awkward Moments -- in Baseball and in MarriageYou might not expect to pick up marriage tips from a baseball team. Yet as my home team, the San Francisco Giants, moved toward the World Championship, I was struck by how they showed similar character traits to those I encourage in my couples therapy clients.

Some spouses I work with have explosive personalities. They become verbally abusive when their partner doesn’t do what they want. Such impulsive reactions harm their marital relationship. In sports and other competitive games, we call someone who acts this way a “poor sport.”

The 7 Best Tips for Handling Anger and Resentment in Relationships

Sunday, November 23rd, 2014

Couples

Too much fighting in your relationship? Empathy is the antidote to anger!

“Love is not a contract between two narcissists. It’s more than that. It’s a construction that compels the participants to go beyond narcissism. In order that love lasts one has to reinvent oneself.” – French Philosopher Alain Badiou

Resentment and anger in relationships often stem from utter dismay at how your spouse could have possibly done what they did. You just can’t understand it — you never would have done such a thing.

Activities for Couples to Get Closer

Sunday, November 23rd, 2014

Activities for Couples to Get CloserIt’s normal to feel disconnected from your partner from time to time. It happens to the healthiest of couples.

We are all busy. We all have things that should’ve been done yesterday. We may be parents, which adds an extra layer of hectic. We may have demanding jobs or several jobs. We may have completely different schedules from our partners.

So we asked two relationship experts to share several activities couples can do to reconnect and get closer.

Recent Comments
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  • anonymous: Are you kidding me? A victim of this would actually choose this life? And that’s what I’m...
  • 707: So basically, if you can’t afford it, you’re screwed.
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