Family

Life 2.0: Coping with Divorce

If there was one thing in my life I knew for certain, it was that my wife and I were going to be together forever. That was until Christmas Eve 2014 when suddenly my life was turned upside down and the previously inconceivable idea that we wouldn't be together, became a reality. This solid structure we spent years building together suddenly came crashing down.
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General

Choice, Indecision, and Guilt

Any time we make a choice, we choose one thing and not another. One path is taken; another is abandoned. One choice lives, another dies. Why do I say dies? The Latin root of “decide” is “de-cidere.” The meaning of “cidere” is “to kill,” as in homicide and suicide. Every choice is a murder. To avoid this murder, we may keep ourselves stuck in indecision. Thus, to avoid indecision, we must bear the guilt of killing a choice.
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Family

Surviving Infidelity Requires the Partner Who Strayed to Feel Genuine Remorse

There are many practical reasons why men and women who have an affair outside of their committed relationships might wish to reverse course, reconcile, and move forward with their legitimate partner.

Affairs frequently turn messy and almost always leave emotional destruction in their wake, especially if children are caught in the middle. Children too, have many issues when their family is afflicted with infidelity.
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Holiday Coping

New Year, New Chance to Raise Your Self-Esteem

It’s one of the most common concerns I hear in my practice. Clients worry that their self-esteem isn’t high enough for them to succeed in relationships, work, school -- almost anything. Not feeling good about themselves, they feel that changing their direction in life is impossible. They want to feel better. They want to feel they deserve better. They want to feel confident and competent again. They want to talk about it in session so they will feel good enough to make changes in life.
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Anger

Borderline To-Do List

To my psychiatrist…who questioned my motives…and was right.

I have had so many psychiatric hospitalizations. So. Many. It’s a hazard of being Borderline, and we both know it. What we DON’T know…is how to make it stop.

Several weeks ago, you and I had a talk about how I act in the hospital. We talked about the behaviors that I consistently display on the unit, and why oh WHY it is that I keep doing these “crazy” things.
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General

On the Destructive Belief That No One Can Make Us Feel Anything

When I studied psychology back in the day, Fritz Perls was very popular. I felt a new sense of empowerment reading his compelling writing about “owning” the self and developing radical self-reliance -- moving from environment support to self-support.

Perls’ views may have been what the doctor ordered when social values encouraged being agreeable and placating others rather than honoring our experience (our feelings and wants) and staying connected to ourselves. Perls cajoled, jolted, and perhaps even shamed people into becoming self-reliant and self-sufficient. One popular view was “No one has or ever will make you feel anything.”

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Friends

Surviving Infidelity: Why It’s Necessary to Prove That the Affair Has Ended

Recovering from the painful damage caused by infidelity is never easy. In the aftermath of infidelity, marriages and committed relationships that have been built and nurtured over years, even decades, can quickly crumble, leaving one or both partners devastated.

But there is hope and a way forward for those couples who are willing to make the commitment and do the hard work. The trauma of infidelity needn’t last a lifetime.
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