Relationships Articles

When One of You Retires First

Tuesday, March 10th, 2015

Nourishing the Different Types of Intimacy in Your RelationshipMarried and approaching retirement age? It’s likely you’ve both planned carefully for your finances during this time — but can you say the same for your relationship?

The emotional and psychological adjustments that come with retirement are significant, and one major determinant factor is timing. Will you retire together, or space it out?

Is Your Spirit Steering Your Relationships or Is It Your Ego?

Monday, March 9th, 2015

hands couple goog

I like to describe the ego’s job as the protector. This “guy” is the part of us that stands on the bow of our relationship and frantically yells, “Iceberg!” when it sees trouble ahead. This is useful information, for sure.

However, when the Iceberg Guy is scared, he becomes erratic and impulsive and wants to grab the wheel. But he is not trained in navigation and not the guy you want haphazardly steering the ship.

6 Ways to Regroup and Reconnect with Your Partner

Monday, March 9th, 2015

keep him from cheating

Have you been in a relationship for some time now, yet feel confused because lately you’re plagued with loneliness? Do you spend time remembering those first early months (even years) together when you felt happily connected? It all felt so easy then.

But now? Well, it seems life got in the way. Your life feels so ironic — constantly lonely within a relationship.

5 Reasons Couples Counseling Isn’t Working for You

Sunday, March 8th, 2015

Unhappy man talking at couples therapy session in therapists off

In the face of looming problems that range from abuse, blending families, to who does the chores, couples are encouraged to seek couples therapy. Yet, what happens when therapy fails to address the problems in a relationship. What options are left?

At the age of 42 with two children in elementary school, Mary Ann Lowry was diagnosed with a chronic pain condition. Lowry explains her husband had a hard time coming to terms with her illness.

“He frequently used verbal abuse to try to convince me to be healthy,” she says. “The therapists tried to help him see that sickness, death, and pain are part of life. He couldn’t come to terms with my physical limitations and despite their best efforts, the therapists weren’t able to break through the hard core resistance to accepting my health situation. When I finally had to leave work and go out on full disability, he was not able to support the decision.”

Beyond the Physical: 6 Signs of Silently Abusive Relationships

Saturday, March 7th, 2015

unhappy-couple-why-living-together-is-a-bad-idea

Would you even know if you were being abused?

It’s that little voice in the back of your head that whispers “This isn’t right,” and the feelings that tug at your heart, begging your brain to listen to that voice. It’s all those things that you shove down because you are so unsure of yourself, unsure of him.

You wonder: Is this abuse?

4 Steps for Clearing Up Misunderstandings in Any Relationship

Saturday, March 7th, 2015

4 Steps for Clearing Up Misunderstandings in Any RelationshipMisunderstandings are bound to happen in any relationship. With your partner. With your kids. With your family and friends. With your colleagues. This is normal and natural.

Sometimes, we might let a slew of small irritations build up, which only triggers resentment and negative feelings over time. It leads us to withdraw from our loved ones, and be less present in our relationships.

Other times we might blurt out our frustration in the heat of the moment, screaming words we might later regret. Neither approach is helpful and can chip away at our relationships.

Psychology Around the Net: March 7, 2015

Saturday, March 7th, 2015

Sleeping woman

Get the latest on the psychological importance of dressing for success, how distractions might affect creativity, anxiety and poor decision-making, and more in this week’s Psychology Around the Net.

An Early Bedtime Could Prevent Mental Illness, Study Finds: Canadian and French researchers propose that earlier bedtmies (and healthier meals) could relate to mental health in the “way that our body’s natural cycles affect certain chemicals in the brain.”

How to Get Your Relationship Back On Track After a Terrible Fight: No relationship is “perfect,” and some might even say fighting (or at least arguing or disagreeing) is a healthy part of any relationship; however, what happens when the fight takes a toll on an otherwise happy, healthy relationship? Check these tips for getting the romance back on track.

The Anxiety-Driven Life

Thursday, March 5th, 2015

fear-rejection-really-afraidI see many clients who live lives that don’t fulfill or challenge them. They are intelligent people with skills and talents, but they tend to have a debilitating fear of going outside their comfort zone. Even though they often wish their lives would change or improve in various ways, they do nothing to make this happen, since such efforts would entail taking even minor risks.

They rarely try anything new, stick to what they would already be good at, and try hard to avoid anything that could ever go wrong (which is most life activities). This attitude is rarely conscious or spoken, but it manifests in saying things such as:

What to Do When You Hate Your Job and Can’t Quit

Thursday, March 5th, 2015

losing-your-job-redundancy-falloutYou might hate your job for all sorts of reasons. Maybe you’ve lost interest in what you’re doing or maybe you weren’t even interested in the first place.

Maybe you’re trapped in a toxic environment. Your coworkers are catty. Your boss rarely appreciates your efforts and just piles on more (and more) projects on your already-full plate.

And you might not be able to leave for all sorts of reasons. At the top is likely money or good benefits. Job openings in your area may be slim (to none).

5 Warning Signs of Manipulation in Relationships

Wednesday, March 4th, 2015

Couple not talking after a fight on the sofa in living room at h

The scary thing is: You probably don’t even know it’s happening.

The worst part of being manipulated in a relationship is that quite often you don’t even know it’s happening. Manipulative people twist your thoughts, actions, wants and desires into something that better suits how they see the world and they mold you into someone that serves their own purposes. Scary, right?

Here are a few biggies to look out for to make sure it’s not happening to you:

We Are Not the Same

Tuesday, March 3rd, 2015

happy_peopleHow boring it would be if everybody in the world were the same. Yet, how difficult it is for people to respect and appreciate those differences. Instead, we become impatient with others’ differences, letting them know how wrong they are for not acting or being the way we think they should be.

“Why can’t you be more like …”

“How many times do I need to tell you to …”

“You better change the way you …”

Yup, it’s tough for us to accept differences in people. Amazingly, we actually do better with plants and pets.

Practicing Non-Attachment: How to Live in the Now

Monday, March 2nd, 2015

woman budding flowers bigst“Live in the now!” Garth exhorts Wayne as he fawns over a beautiful guitar he can’t afford in the film Wayne’s World. This is a message that we get over and over again in many Eastern philosophies: live in the present moment, not for the past or the future. Further, we learn to practice non-attachment: avoiding clinging to things in a world whose nature is constant change.

It all makes an intuitive kind of sense. When I’m sitting in meditation or flowing through my yoga practice, I get it. Go with the flow. Feel what’s in front of you. Release the past and the future.

But then I leave my yoga mat and the theory sort of breaks down: what about in relationships?

Recent Comments
  • doris: Ho my goodness my eyes are now open wide to the relationship that i have been in for 8 years everything that i...
  • Learnthehardway: Terrible that people are like that. My ex husband was/is one combined with a nasty vindictive...
  • CA: I responded to some posts last year. My husband of 15 years left me because he was depressed and disconnected...
  • CA: Anne, I’m feeling for you. I hope you are hanging on and that a way out reveals itself.
  • chely: I agree with your comment. Since I have learned to not get sucked into it when he starts on one of his rants,...
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