Marriage and Divorce

Why Using the Dreaded ‘D’ Word Could Sabotage Your Marriage


It's a cheap shot!

Arguments or disagreements are a natural part of marriage. As much as we love our partner, we become annoyed or upset with one another probably more often than we would like to admit.

We may choose to 'blow off steam' toward our spouse exactly because our spouse is the one person who will love us 'no matter what.' However, it is never, ever appropriate to use the D-word when arguing with your spouse. And by D-word, I mean: the word 'divorce.'

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Friends

Having Trouble Making Friends? Stop Obsessing Over Yourself


It's actually pretty simple. “If you want to be interesting, you have to be interested.” These are the famous words of my husband’s grandmother. She took conversation making seriously, and understood the golden rule of friendships -- put into people what you want back.

When it comes to making friends, we all pretty much understand the same principle applies: to have a friend, we know we have to be a friend. But sometimes this isn’t so straightforward, and is harder than it seems.
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Family

Falling in Love with Your Spouse — Again!

A successful marriage means falling in love many times, always with the same person. -- Mignon McLaughlin
Do you view marriage as a destination or a journey? If you view it as a journey, you’re infinitely more likely to succeed.

Those who view marriage as a destination are likely to become disillusioned. When the glow fades, they’ll wonder: “How could I have married this person who is so annoyingly different from me?!!!”
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Children and Teens

3 Surprising Ways Kids Can Affect Your Relationship—and What to Do

Parents-to-be have certain assumptions and expectations about what life will look like when their little one is born and comes home. This is understandable. All of us hold a slew of ideas about any big change in our lives (about anything really). But often those expectations don’t exactly align with reality. Which can affect how we prepare for the transition.

A common belief parents have is that their child will automatically fit into...
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Anxiety and Panic

Psychology Around the Net: June 25, 2016


Happy Saturday, Psych Central readers!

Whew, I've had a stressful week. I've been juggling everything from major work deadlines to doctor appointments to preparing our guestroom for entertaining company all weekend, and honestly, the only thing that's helped keep me focused is my to-do list.

That's right. I am a huge advocate of to-do lists. I know some people avoid them, but, not I. I can't even explain the sheer elation I feel each time I mark off a...
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Brain and Behavior

Family Constellation Work

For all of us who have experienced family life and its impact, with all of its places of light and darkness, there is a wonderful group process that fosters present-day healing. It is called family constellation work and is a day-long workshop run by a trained facilitator.

Family constellation workshops were started by Dr. Bert Hellinger, a family therapist from Germany, and are now available worldwide. Participants target an area of their present life that needs clarity, resolution, or healing. It does not have to relate to family history, nor are the processes always related to the family of origin.

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General

How Do You Know that You’re with the Right Person?

At some point in most relationships, people ask themselves the same question, "Is this one the right person for me?" Whether you're brand new or seven years in, it's an inevitable question.

The question isn't necessarily born out of doubt or insecurity. It can be a normal, healthy skepticism to try and balance out your romantic, attachment feelings for your significant other. We may love someone immensely, but still not be compatible with him or her in the long-term.

So how do you know you're with the right person? How do you know your love will stand the test of time?

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Bullying

Community Building After Tragedy

My satirical policy recommendation: Bowling in every street.

You chuckle. But, in the States, we are striking out at the type of grassroots events that bind neighborhoods into communities and transform wary strangers into community leaders.

Robert Putnam’s book is more apropos than ever. In his bestselling Bowling Alone, he tackles the decline of social institutions. We don’t bowl together or host neighborhood parties. Our social connectivity is now through virtual platforms.
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Anger

How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Us

The statistics are alarming. From 2009 to 2014, the number of girls between the ages of 10 and 17 hospitalized for intentionally cutting or poisoning themselves has more than doubled. This isn't the first time I'm reading about this. But it's certainly time to talk about it.

In my work with inherited family trauma, when I see a child who injures herself, I've learned to probe into the family history. The self-injurer could well be reliving aspects of a trauma she inherited from her parents or grandparents, though this is not always the case. Self-injurious behaviors can arise for other reasons as well.

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Caregivers

Showing Up

“Show up.” We have all heard that term before. What does it mean to “show up”? There are several answers to this question.

When you buy a ticket to a cultural or sporting event, have an educational or career deadline or presentation, medical appointment or procedure, you know the date and time that you must be there. If you are late, arrive on the wrong date or location, or miss it altogether, the experience of the event has passed and is impossible to recreate. There typically is a negative consequence and a lesson learned.

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Anger

How to Neutralize Emotions

There has been a lot of discussion on all sides regarding “emotion processing” and how to successfully handle what are coined as “negative emotions.” In the Pixar film "Inside Out," a few different emotions are cleverly assigned individual personas so that children (and adults) can interact with them in a tangible way.

So what are we to do with negative emotions? Which ones are they? They are broadly defined as sadness, anger, bitterness, greed, hate, jealousy, fear or anything that makes one feel bad about themselves. So when an unsavory emotion surfaces and it starts to cause you guilt, what do you do with it?

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General

The Commitment Conundrum: What It Takes to Create Lasting Love

If there’s a single word that stirs up deep emotions, it’s “commitment.” While some desperately seek it, others run the other way. What is it about commitment that is so appealing to some, while striking fear into the hearts of others? Can we revision commitment in a way that frees us rather than traps us?

Those seeking commitment want to know that their partner is taking the relationship seriously. Research that forms the basis for Attachment Theory tells us that we’re wired with a longing for safety and security. When I need you, I want to know you’re there. It would seem that making a commitment to the relationship might assure mutual security. But sadly, divorce statistics reveal that however seriously we may commit ourselves to a partnership, they oftentimes don't work out

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